Frozen Hearts
by Red Witch
Summary: When another human is found in Ooo, little does anyone know that it is just the beginning of a series of events that will change everything. Ooo will have to deal with war, the return of a lost love, the wrath of a magic crown and penguins if it is to survive.
1. What Gunter Found In The Snow

**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Adventure Time characters has been frozen solid. Just a mad idea from my mad little mind. You've been warned. **

**Frozen Hearts**

**Chapter 1: What Gunter Found in the Snow**

The Ice King was restless again.

When it came to sleep the Ice King only experienced two states: Blissful dreamless ignorance or painful torment. Lately it had been the latter.

He could never remember exactly what those nightmares were that plagued him but he knew they were bad. Many were from the dark time. The time before…Well before him anyway. As far as he knew.

Even though he could never remember what the nightmares were about when he woke up he always knew how they made him feel. Terror, horror, revulsion, a crippling fear and a wave of grief over something he had lost. Something so precious, so important to him he felt that he had a hole inside of him, empty and vast. Unable to fill it with anything.

It was even worse than the whole Ricardio experience. Even his own heart coming to life, rejecting him and tearing apart his body didn't feel anything like those dreams. This was an emptiness he could feel within his soul.

In brief moments of lucidity the Ice King would reflect that if those dreams were worse than any physical pain, perhaps he was better off **not **remembering.

"It's got to be about the dark times…The Mushroom War," He snarled to himself. Even he could barely fathom the savagery mankind once possessed. He remembered glimpses of the past. Bombs exploding. Blood everywhere. The fire that covered the world. So much destruction…And loss. He lost something very important but couldn't remember quite what.

"Stupid war. Stupid everything…" He grumbled as he paced back and forth in his icy room, bare feet slapping against the ice floor. "War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! NOTHING! HOO HA! SAY IT AGAIN!"

"Got this weird feeling in my crown…" The Ice King stopped pacing. "I've felt it before…War is coming. But how? The kingdoms have been in relative peace for generations. Except for me of course and the occasional rampaging demon but still…"

"Bah!" He threw up his hands. "This is nuts! **You're **nuts!" He pointed to his reflection in the ice walls surrounding him. "What do you mean I'm nuts? You're the one who's nuts! I know you are but what am I?"

"Wenk! Wak! Wenk!" A penguin waddled in quickly.

"What is it **now** Gunter?" The Ice King snapped. "Can't you see that I am in the middle of another one of my insane rants?"

"Wenk!"

"Huh?" The Ice King blinked.

"Wenk! Wenk! Wenk! Wak!" Gunter waved his flippers wildly.

"Timmy fell down the well?" The Ice King blinked. "Well I told him not to go play near that stupid thing! Why does he play near the stupid well in the first place? It's a hole in the ground! How dumb can you get? I mean he falls down the hole all the time and…"

"WAK!"

"Oh, this isn't about Timmy," Ice King blinked. "**Someone else** fell down a hole?"

"Wak Wenk!"

"Oh not a hole, the snow. Someone fell down in the **snow,**" The Ice King blinked. "Well I'm not surprised. There's a lot of it out there. I should know. I made most of it."

"Wenk! WAK!"

"A lady? A lady fell down in the snow outside?" The Ice King's eyes widened. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place? Why did you go on and on about stupid Timmy? Who cares if he fell down a well? He's always falling down in there! Show me where this lady is! Wait? Is she pretty?"

"Wenk!"

"Right, this is no time to be picky," The Ice King used his beard to hover in the air. "Lead the way Gunter!" He picked Gunter up and flew outside.

"Wenk!" Gunter chirped as they flew a few feet.

"Yeah I'm starting to sense it now," The Ice King nodded using his powers to sense the connection he had with ice and snow. "An indentation on the north side…There's someone there all right!"

"Wenk! Wenk!" Gunter pointed below them.

"Good Gunter!" Ice King floated down. He saw a figure face up in the snow wearing some kind of green sweater, brown pants with boots and a torn white jacket. A few other penguins were standing around the figure, keeping guard.

"Oh," The Ice King picked the unconscious snow covered woman up. "Hey it is a lady! And she's a human! A **human **woman? Haven't seen one of those in a long time! Wait, humans don't do too well in the cold and snow! We have to bring her back to the castle! Come Gunter!"

"Wenk!" Gunter agreed as the Ice King flew back to the castle with the woman in his arms. Gunter hitched a ride on his robe.

"Wow that is some shiner she's got on her noggin," Ice King noticed. "She's out colder than…Me actually."

"Wenk!"

"How did a human get this far into my kingdom?" The Ice King tried to think. "And where did she come from? Oh that doesn't matter now. She's hurt! Even I can't let a lady in distress down!"

"Wenk!"

"Right! I must assemble the penguins! Emergency! We got an emergency here!" Ice King flew into his castle. Several penguins waddled after him into his bedroom. "All penguins report for duty!"

"We need to get her warm," The Ice King frowned as he landed. "Lucky for me I have some furs. Her clothes are soaking wet…Uh…" He looked at his penguins. "Which of you guys are girls again?"

"Wenk!" Some penguins held up their flippers. A lot of them had flowers on their heads.

"Oh right. Goonella, Gunthilina, Goonta, Guntha, Guntherine, and Gunter you get her undressed and warm her up," The Ice King gently laid her down on top of his bed. He rushed to get some furs. He decided it would be better to give his unexpected visitor some privacy. He turned around and closed his eyes. "Let me know when you're done so I can throw the furs on her."

"Wenk!" The penguins chirped after a few minutes.

"Okay!" The Ice King threw the furs over the bed with his eyes closed. He opened them again. "Go on girls! Get her nice and warm!"

"Wenk! Wak!" The penguins snuggled under the bed with the woman.

"Let's see what we have here. Hmmm…She's kind of old," The Ice King frowned. "Eh, then again I ain't no spring chicken myself. Or even a fall chicken for that matter. That reminds me I could really go for chicken tonight. Actually I could go anywhere tonight."

He looked at the woman's pale sleeping face. "You know she's kind of cute. In an older woman sort of way, Gunter."

For some strange reason the Ice King felt mesmerized by her appearance. Her greying long auburn hair gently framed her face along with her egg shaped glasses. One of the lenses was slightly cracked. A huge bruise was on her forehead. She was in her sixties or early seventies with some wrinkles on her face around her eyes and mouth but nothing too drastic.

He gently touched her hand. "She's so…fragile and soft. And warm…I'd forgotten how warm humans were…I…I have to help her. I don't know what to do other than…Wait I **do** know what to do! Call the giant snow golems! Oh GOLEMS!"

He flew to the window. "YO GOLEMS! UP AND AT 'EM!"

Several giant snow figures stood there at attention silently. "Hey! Wake up! I'm talking to you!" Ice King snapped. "What's the matter with you guys? Don't you know better to stand at attention?"

"Wenk…" Another penguin waddled up to him.

"Oh right," Ice King blinked. "I forgot to bring them to life when I made them. Silly me. I can fix that!"

"WAKE UP BOYS! YOU GOT A MISSION!" Ice King flew over the snow golems and brought them to life with his magic. The snow golems stood at attention.

"Okay men I need you for a very special mission," The Ice King landed and paced back and forth in front of his creations. "I need you go to the Candy Kingdom and bring back Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake! And Dr. Princess!"

"Wenk…" Another penguin waddled up to the Ice King. "Wak…"

"What? Dr. Princess is at some kind of symposium on the other side of the kingdom?" The Ice King blinked. "How do you know about this Goonter?"

"Wenk, wenk, wak…"

"Oh, really?" The Ice King blinked. "Never mind about Dr. Princess. For once this mission has nothing to do with capturing princesses! No time for that! Just get Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake! Roll 'em out!"

The Snow Golems began to move. "WAIT!" Ice King shouted. "You know what? If you can get Princess Bubblegum while you're there then that's okay too. But we really need Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake. Those two are more important than the princess. This time. I mean if you happen to catch Princess Bubblegum or any other princess that happens to be visiting the kingdom go right ahead. But uh, no pressure. I mean if you can't get any princesses I understand. Okay so…uh, definitely go get Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake. That is Number One on the list."

He stopped. "Okay technically that is Numbers One and Two but you get the idea," Ice King went on. "Princess Bubblegum is third on the list. If you can't get her, you can't get her. I'll understand."

"But I'm pretty sure you can get her while you're there so put her on the list," Ice King counted on his fingers. "In fact you know what get her anyway. So that's Dr. Ice Cream, Nurse Poundcake and Princess Bubblegum in that order. Number Four is any other princess you find. Five is some chicken soup for dinner but that's the least important. So uh that's the list. You got it? Good! Now get me those princesses! Oh yes and Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake! Don't forget them!"

The snow golems stood there. "GO!" The Ice King ordered. With a groan the golems left to do his bidding. "I tell ya Goonter, it's hard creating good help these days."

"Wenk."


	2. Waking Up With The Penguins

**Waking up with the Penguins **

Cold…And warm…Those were the first sensations in her mind. The air around her was cold but she was surrounded by something warm and soft.

And moving. And smelling like fish.

The woman opened her eyes slowly. At first she thought she was still asleep. She could see nothing but ice all around her. Ice twisted and sculpted into a room. Some parts elaborate and detailed, others rather haphazard and clumsy. But it was a room glistening with ice. Like out of an enchanted story.

She felt something soft and strangely smelling of fish rub against her, keeping her warm. "Where…?" She looked down.

"Wenk?" Gunter the penguin poked her little head out from under the fur covers and nestled her head on her shoulder.

"Oh!" The woman exclaimed. More penguins popped their heads out of the bed.

"Wak!" They all chirped cheerfully.

"Uh…" The woman looked down to see the penguins in bed with her. "This is the weirdest dream I have ever had."

"H-Hello there."

The woman looked up and saw a blue man with a huge pointed nose and a long beard at the end of the bed. He was strangely dressed in a blue tunic and a crown. "Hey. Ice King here. I saved you. Yes I did."

"Definitely the weirdest dream I have ever had," The woman blinked. "Okay I'd like to wake up now…" She looked down at herself. "I'm naked aren't I?"

"Uh I didn't touch you," The Ice King held up his hands. "No, no, no! I had my penguins do it! Didn't see anything! Kept my eyes closed while the penguins undressed you. Nothing weird about that!"

"Uh…" The Woman blinked. "O-kay…"

"Wak," Gunter chirped and snuggled next to the woman.

"It's okay," The Ice King said softly. "I found you outside my castle. I couldn't leave you there. You have a bad bump on your head."

"That explains the headache…" The woman winced and gingery touched her forehead. She winced in pain. "Ow!"

"Oh, oh…oh my…Let me…Let me help," Ice King rather timidly reached out to her. For a second he saw panic in the woman's eyes. "I…I won't hurt you. I promise. I know I look all scraggly and…" He noted his wretched uneven claws on his hand. "I guess I do need a manicure. But…I can help. Please."

The woman slightly nodded her consent and the Ice King gently took his hand and put it on her forehead. "There. This should help numb the pain. Just a little ice magic to help the swelling," He said gently as he carefully used his powers to help numb her forehead. He pulled away when he was done. "Better?"

"Actually…Yes…" The woman blinked.

"One perk of being The Ice King," Ice King chuckled nervously. "Never have to worry about ice packs. Or ice cubes. I'm real good at cocktail parties. Or I would be if I was invited to them."

"Where am I?" The woman looked around, pulling the furs close to her body.

"You're in the Ice Kingdom," Ice King explained.

"The _Ice Kingdom_?" The woman blinked. "And where on Earth is that?"

"Ooo actually," Ice King said.

"Huh?" The woman blinked.

"Not Huh, Ooo," Ice King said. "The Land of Ooo."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," The woman blinked.

"Really? You must be from out of town then," The Ice King scratched his head. "I'm pretty famous around here."

"I…I…" The Woman tried to think but her head hurt.

"Uh…So what's your name?" Ice King asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I…Don't know," The Woman blinked. "I don't remember my name. Or anything…I mean I remember some things but it's all blurry…"

"Oh…I've had days like those. They're scary. Don't try to think too hard if it hurts," The Ice King said. "It doesn't help the brain. Tried it before and…Yeah. But it's okay. You're safe now and everything is going to be fine."

The woman still looked confused and frightened. "It feels like you're lost in some kind of haze and you don't know what to do or where to turn," The Ice King said softly. "And you're frightened because you can't remember anyone or know if anyone can help you. You feel so alone…"

The woman looked at him. The Ice King smiled. "But it's different now. You're not alone. And I'm sure you'll feel better soon."

"I feel a little better already," The Woman admitted.

"That's good," Ice King smiled. The woman blinked at the sight of his teeth. "Oh never mind about my…" He realized what she was looking at. "My bark is a lot worse than my bite. Unless I'm eating crunchy stuff then these things really come in handy. What can I say? Beats dentures."

"I'm sorry," The Woman said. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You've been very kind to me and…"

"It's okay," The Ice King waved. "I'm used to it. I know. My beard is shaggy. My nose is pointy. My skin is old and wrinkled. I have sharp fangs and crusty claws for hands…" He looked at his hands. "And I'm a magic user so that's not always a turn on…"

"Magic user?" The Woman blinked.

The Ice King smiled. Using his powers he created a tiny snowball with a smiling face. "Say Hello to the nice lady!" He beamed.

"Hello nice lady!" The snowball said in sweet voice.

"How did you do that?" The Woman was surprised. "That's not possible…"

"Anything is possible with magic," Ice King told her. "I mean where do you think all **this** came from?" He indicated the castle around them.

"It's a little hard to swallow," The Woman blinked. "Something tells me that I never believed in magic before. I don't know why…"

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"ICE KING!" Princess Bubblegum screamed as three very large snow golems burst through the wall on the opposite side of the room. Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake were carried by the other two.

"Oh hey Bubblegum!" Ice King waved with one hand. "Good work boys! I guess you were able to get her after all!"

"Okay I think I just figured out why I never believed in magic before," The Woman blinked.

"What is the meaning of this Ice King?" Princess Bubblegum demanded. "Okay I get why you kidnapped me but why did you have your snow golems take Nurse Poundcake and Dr. Ice Cream?"

"And they stole my lunch!" Nurse Poundcake protested.

"Lunch?" Ice King blinked. One of the golems pulled out a can of chicken soup from its side. "Oh wow! You got chicken soup too! Way to go guys! From now on you'll be running all my errands!"

"ICE KING!" Princess Bubblegum shouted.

"I found this woman in the snow and she was hurt pretty bad so I had my snow golems kidnap all of you so you could treat her," The Ice King said simply. "Oh guys let Nurse Poundcake and Dr. Ice Cream go so they can treat her."

"Treat who…?" Nurse Poundcake asked as the golems released them. She looked at the Woman. "Since when does the Ice King kidnap older women?"

"What do you mean by **older women**?" The Woman startled.

CRASH!

"Let them all go you crazy old doofus!" Jake burst through the wall waving his sword and riding Jake.

"Hey! You know there was already an open hole in the wall over there?" Ice King pointed. "And I had a door!"

"Not as big as the hole in your head!" Finn snapped as he jumped off of Jake and Jake shrunk down to his regular size.

"Finn you and Jake are always crashing my parties and being a real pooper!" Ice King snarled and threw the living snowball at them.

"AAAAAAAH!" The snowball screamed as it was thrown. Finn used his sword to cut it in half.

The Woman gasped in shock. That's when Finn and Jake saw her. "What the math is going on here?" Finn shouted.

"What the heck have you been doing now you crazy old man?" Jake barked.

"Did that dog just **talk?**" The Woman's jaw dropped. "Wait…I know what's going on! I'm dreaming! HA! HA HA! It has to be a dream! What a relief. I thought I was going crazy."

"No, the Ice King is crazy," Princess Bubblegum glared at the Ice King. Then she did a double take. "Wait a minute…Hold on…"

Dr. Ice Cream went to the woman's bedside. "She appears to be human. She **is** human!"

"Another **human**? Say whaaaaa…?" Finn's eyes widened.

"Oh this is **definitely** the weirdest dream I have ever had," The Woman blinked. "Okay…Now I must be on a diet or something. That explains the talking food. Uh I think I went to the zoo the other day. That explains the penguins. You in blue…I have no idea what **you **represent but it has to be something!"

"Ice King you should know better than to kidnap older women!" Jake snapped.

"Where did you kidnap another human?" Finn shouted.

"I didn't kidnap her! I **found** her!" The Ice King shouted indignantly. "I kidnapped Dr. Ice Cream, Nurse Poundcake and Princess Bubblegum so they could take care of her! Okay maybe I kidnapped the Princess for myself but still…"

"Why do you keep calling me **old?**" The Woman snapped. "I'm only thirty…" She then caught a glimpse of her reflection in the ice wall next to her. "WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?"

"Let me guess," Ice King spoke up. "You took a nap and a couple of decades just whizzed by! Boy that's happened to me before!"

"I can't take any more of this," The Woman moaned. "I think I want to wake up now…" Of course she passed out instead.

"Look what you did!" The Ice King roared as he prepared to use his ice magic. "YOU SCARED HER!"

"**We **scared her? **You **scared her you crazy old…" Finn shouted and prepared to use his sword on the Ice King.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK!"

Everyone was stunned as Gunter screamed and hopped out of the bed. She waddled right between the Ice King, Finn and Jake. "WENK! WAK! WENK!" Gunter scolded. She pointed to the woman. "Wak Wenk Wak! Wak! Wak!"

"Gunter's right," Ice King powered down. "That lady needs help. Please just…help her."

"Fine," Finn sheathed his sword. "I guess we can always kick your butt later."

"Let's take a look at her," Dr. Ice Cream looked her over. "We need to get her back to the hospital at Candy Kingdom."

"Her clothes are over here drying out," The Ice King motioned. "She might want them too."

"You undressed her? You perverted old…" Finn snapped.

"I didn't do **anything**! I turned my back and had Gunter and the other lady penguins undress her and warm her up!" Ice King snapped. "I do have some sense of decency you know?"

"That explains the smell," Jake winced.

"I hate to say this but the Ice King probably saved her life by doing that," Nurse Poundcake admitted.

To this the Ice King responded by blowing a raspberry at Finn. "So nuts to **that**!" He scoffed and blew another raspberry.

"Put me down so I can reason this whole mess out!" Princess Bubblegum ordered the snow golem still holding onto her. Surprisingly it did. "Okay let's try to be reasonable here…" She walked between the parties. "Ice King you said you found this woman right?"

"Yes," Ice King nodded.

"Fine let's all go back to the Candy Kingdom and bring her to the hospital," Princess Bubblegum sighed. "We can sort this mess out there."

"Okay I can carry…" Ice King began.

"You're not going anywhere you old maniac!" Finn pointed his sword at him.

"I am too!" Ice King snapped.

"Are not!" Finn snapped.

"Am too!" Ice King snapped.

"Are not!" Finn shouted.

"Am too!" Ice King shouted back.

"WENK!" Gunter snapped.

"I'm with Gunter! Wenk! I mean…" Princess Bubblegum was getting a headache. "Both of you knock it off!"

"The Ice King can't come with us!" Finn snapped.

"Yes I can! She appeared on my kingdom right? For all we know she could be part of…part of an invasion force!" The Ice King thought up a reason. "An invading force that wants to destroy all the people of Ooo! And maybe…maybe she didn't want any part of the plan so they had to get rid of her before she could warn everyone! Yeah that could make sense!"

"That makes **no sense**!" Jake snapped.

"Well then where did she come from Smarty Pants Mc Cree?" Ice King snapped. "Besides I know my rights! I should know if my kingdom is being invaded or not! Maybe these invaders just want my ice? Huh? Ever think of that? Maybe they're after my demonic wishing eye or…Or my beard? They could be after my beard! I have to protect my beard!"

"Ice King that's just stupid! You can't come!" Finn snapped.

"Uhhh technically he can," Bubblegum told Finn. "As the ruler of his kingdom he does have that right. To see if this woman is a threat or not. And this woman did appear out of nowhere in the Ice Kingdom."

"So you're saying the Ice King has jurisdiction over this case? Oh man!" Finn groaned.

"He probably kidnapped her from somewhere," Jake grumbled.

"I didn't! Not her! Not this woman! Besides she's not even a princess so there goes your theory right out the window!" Ice King snapped. He went over to the drying clothes on a chair. "Look! No crown! No crown, no princess! HA!"

"Wak wak," Gunter nodded her head up and down.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I believe them," Princess Bubblegum sighed. "Let's just get this woman back to the Candy Kingdom and sort this out. Ice King do you know what her name is?"

"No, but neither does she so…" Ice King shrugged.

"You probably know and you're lying," Finn said.

"I am not!" Ice King snapped.

"Are too!" Finn snapped back.

"Am not!" Ice King snapped.

"Are too infinity!" Finn shouted.

"Are not infinity plus infinity times three thousand!" Ice King yelled back.

"Are too infinity plus infinity plus infinity times four thousand!" Finn yelled at him.

"Oh great. This is going to be one of **those** days," Princess Bubblegum groaned. "You know what? I'm going to hitch a ride back with the snow golems! At least they're **quiet**!"


	3. A Slight Misunderstanding Over BBQ Sauce

**A Slight Misunderstanding Over BBQ Sauce**

"Can you believe this Jake? Another human! A real human just like me!" Finn paced back and forth in the Candy Kingdom hospital waiting room. "And not just someone who might be a human like Susan Strong. This time it is a real human! No doubt about it!"

"Calm down man you're making a hole in the floor," Jake told him as he sat on a chair. "You're both making a hole in the floor."

"I can't help it!" Ice King was also pacing back and forth. "I need exercise okay! My foot was falling asleep!" He shook his left foot.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were worried about this woman too," Finn stopped and looked at him.

"Well of course I'm worried," The Ice King said. "I'm worried about being sued for damages! If she slipped and fell in the ice I shouldn't be sued for that! It's called the Ice Kingdom! That name alone should be a warning!"

"Yeah that's what I thought," Finn grumbled.

"Look I know the both of you want answers but you're just going to have to wait until she wakes up," Jake said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" A woman's scream pierced the room.

"Oh sounds like she's awake," Ice King observed. The three of them rushed into the room.

They saw the woman wearing a pink hospital gown backing away on the hospital bed. There was a bandage on her forehead and she still had her glasses. She was terrified and screaming at Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake. "Get back! Back! You're not going to eat me!" She grabbed a bedpan off of a nearby table and threw it at them.

"Whoa!" Bubblegum gasped as the bedpan sailed by her.

"What's going on?" Finn shouted.

"She woke up. Saw us and started screaming," Bubblegum explained.

"You think you want revenge on me for all the ice cream and cake I used to eat! Forget it!" The Woman yelled. "Get away from me!"

"Why is she freaking out like this?" Jake asked.

"I'm guessing she's never seen a Candy Person before," Bubblegum reasoned. "Finn maybe you'd better talk to her?"

"I could say something," Ice King spoke up.

"No way," Jake glared at him. "Knowing you you'd say something crazy that would set her off. Let Finn talk to her. Human to human."

"Okay…Please Ma'mm…" Finn approached cautiously.

"What is this Ma'mm stuff? I'm not that old! At least I wasn't!" The Woman was nearly hysterical.

"Calm down please! Nobody's going to hurt you," Finn reassured her.

"Oh yeah? Then why am I on a **dinner plate**?" The Woman snapped.

Finn and the others looked down and realized that the bed in fact was a small mattress on top of what looked like a long dinner plate with legs. "Oh yeah. We recycled that old giant dinner plate into a bed," Bubblegum realized. "In hindsight that may not have been the best place to put her."

"And these forks? You expect me to believe that you're not going to use **them?**" The Woman picked up a fork from a table beside the plate bed. "Stay back!" She held it out as a weapon.

"Why do you have **forks** in her hospital room?" Finn asked.

"They went with the knives," Nurse Poundcake shrugged.

"Oh geeze…" Princess Bubblegum groaned. "Please calm down. You've had a traumatic experience."

"You **think**?" The Woman snapped. "I'm not going to be dessert!"

"No one is going to eat you," Finn tried to reassure her. "Calm down. I'm a human like you. My name is Finn. What's your name?"

"I…I don't know…" The Woman was confused.

"It's okay. No one here is going to hurt you," Finn said calmly. "Over there is Jake. That's Princess Bubblegum. You know the Ice King. That's Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake."

"Please we're not going to hurt you," Dr. Ice Cream said. "As a doctor I took an oath to preserve life. Especially the life of a member of a species that's practically extinct."

"What do you mean by practically **extinct?**" the Woman did a double take. "Humans aren't extinct! There are billions of us!"

"Where?" Finn asked.

"Where? All over! All the cities and….Everywhere!" The Woman snapped.

"Ma'mm I mean Lady…You're the only other human I've actually seen. Well the only one I know for sure is an actual human," Finn responded.

"Yeah everybody else in the world is either a Candy Person, a wizard, an animal, some other kind of person that's not a human, a rainicorn, vampire…" Jake counted on his fingers.

"**Vampire?** You're saying _vampires_ are **real**?" The Woman's eyes widened. "No, no, no! This is not real! Not happening! Not happening!"

"Smooth Jake," Ice King gave him a look. "And you were worried about **my** big mouth?"

"Okay I know I don't remember my name or pretty much anything about my past right now but I **do** know that dogs don't usually talk, candy people don't exist, there's no such thing as magic, I'm not old and I am definitely **not** one of the last humans on Earth!" The Woman yelled in a rapidly hysterical voice.

"Hey, hey, hey lady please calm down," Ice King held up his hands. "Look I know what it's like to wake up one morning and not remember stuff. Everything is whacked out and freaky deeky and you have no idea how that happened or if it's going to stay that way. But it's going to be okay. The trick is to not think of everything at once. Just start with one little thought and work on that…Okay? Just one little thing."

"One little thing…Okay…" The Woman nodded.

"Now take a deep breath," Ice King said as he approached her. "Empty your mind. Not hard to do. Trust me on this I've emptied my brain so many times I can do it in my sleep."

He turned around and glared at Jake. "No smart comments Dog!"

"Eh that joke pretty much writes itself," Jake shrugged.

"Let's start with something simple…" Ice King said to the woman. "Dogs can talk. Okay? Try to understand that."

"Of course she can understand that," Jake said. "I'm speaking pretty clear you know?"

"Jake, chill out dude," Finn told him.

"Just try to accept that. Dogs can talk. Is that really so bad?" Ice King asked. "I mean you know what they're saying and they know what you're saying. Communication is a wonderful thing right?"

"I guess so…" The Woman seemed to calm down.

"If you think about it, animals are like people too," The Ice King. "They have hopes and dreams and they get happy or sad. The only problem is that we can't usually understand them. But now we can. Usually."

"I guess that makes sense," The Woman let out a breath.

"Okay now we've accepted that little fact, let's move onto another one," The Ice King moved closer. "There are such things as Candy People. They're just people made out of candy. They're the same as you and me so eating other people is considered really bad. And yet they have no problems eating inanimate food. But if they didn't they'd die."

"Yeah they're just people," Finn spoke up. "I mean do they really look that scary to you?"

The woman looked back and forth at the Candy People. "No but…How do you explain the barbecue sauce?" She pointed to another object on the table.

"Oh that was going to go on my lunch," Nurse Poundcake realized. "I must have left it there when the Snow Golems kidnapped me."

"You put barbecue sauce in your chicken soup?" Dr. Ice Cream asked.

"Doesn't everyone?" Nurse Poundcake asked.

"Okay now I'm starting to understand why you are so freaked out," Bubblegum sighed. "Now that I think about it, **I'm** a little freaked out."

"How did this happen?" The Woman looked around. "I mean how is this **possible?**"

"Well…Things got kind of weird after the Mushroom War," Ice King admitted. "Do you remember the war?"

"I…" She blinked. "I remember something about **a** war. But it wasn't called the Mushroom War. Why would it be called that?"

"Because of the mushroom shaped clouds made when the war nearly wiped out almost all life on this planet," Bubblegum explained. "Including humans."

"Mushroom…No…It couldn't have happened," The woman began to shake. "No it couldn't have been…"

"The war was scary. Be glad you don't remember it," Ice King said in a soft voice. "Even I can't forget certain things about the war. It was horrible. But the war is over now. This land is at peace. You're safe. Okay? So don't worry about that."

"I don't know what to think anymore," The Woman admitted.

"The important thing is that you're safe and you're not alone," The Ice King smiled as he managed to take the fork away from her gently. "We're all friends here."

"Uh technically…" Jake began.

"Jake, sssh!" Bubblegum hushed him. "He's actually getting through to her."

"I know everything is strange and scary. But think about it, why would you be in a hospital if anyone wanted to hurt you?" Ice King asked.

"Y-You're right," The Woman winced. "My head hurts…"

"Do you want…?" Ice King indicated his hands. The Woman nodded. Gently the Ice King touched her forehead and used his powers to help her. "Better?"

"Better," The Woman let out a breath. "Sorry. I'm glad there's someone around here that's rational and normal that I can relate to."

"Wait, you think the **Ice King** is the most _rational normal person_ in this room?" Jake gave her a look. "Whoa. That bump on the head wrecked your brain worse than I thought."

"She's obviously delusional," Bubblegum rolled her eyes. "But…The Ice King seems to have a calming effect on her. For some reason."

"There, that's better," The Ice King smiled. "You have to forgive them for being a little anxious. Especially Finn over there. He's never seen another human before. Just be a little patient with them okay?"

"And you guys don't rush her," The Ice King said to the others. "She's scared."

"I'm not so scared anymore," The Woman said. "Thank you."

"You just lie back and rest," The Ice King helped her settle in the bed and pulled the blankets over her. "Everything is going to be fine. I'm sure you'll get your memories back soon. Just don't force it. They'll come."

"Okay is it just me or is the Ice King acting…normal really weird?" Jake whispered to Bubblegum.

"I don't know. I've never seen him act like this," Bubblegum was stunned at the Ice King's genuine concern.

"Okay now you just get some sleep and everything is going to be just fine when you wake up," Ice King patted her hand. "I promise. It's okay for her to sleep now Dr. Ice Cream right?"

"Oh yes, it's not that kind of head injury," Dr. Ice Cream nodded. "At least I'm pretty sure it isn't."

"Not exactly helpful Dr. Ice Cream," Bubblegum sighed. "Uh she's kidding. Bad joke."

She then whispered to Nurse Poundcake. "Give her a sedative."

"Now you just rest and when you wake up we're going to sort everything out and it will all be fine," Ice King smiled.

"Thank you…I do feel better," The Woman yawned as Nurse Poundcake waved some type of ray over her. She fell asleep immediately.

"What was that?" Finn asked.

"My new invention," Bubblegum explained. "The Sedative Ray. It releases specific pressure points in the brain to gently knock out a patient without damage or drugs."

"You mean it's a sleep ray," Jake folded his arms.

"I think Sedative Ray is more accurate," Bubblegum said. "But it did help that that Ice King was able to calm her down."

"That's right. Talked myself out of **that** lawsuit!" Ice King grinned.

"And now my world makes sense again," Jake quipped.

"So how is she Dr. Ice Cream?" Finn asked.

"She has some trauma on not only the front of her head but the back as well," Dr. Ice Cream said. "And some slight dehydration and bruises. But the trauma isn't life threatening and according to our scanners there is no permanent brain damage or broken bones. She was very lucky."

"I'm going to make some prescription glasses to replace these," Bubblegum carefully removed the cracked glasses from the woman's sleeping face. "It's a wonder they didn't break."

"Great. I finally find another human and she's got amnesia!" Finn grumbled. "What the math is that all about?"

"Worse yet, she's old," Jake said. "Well not old, old. But old enough to be your mom. Hey maybe she is your mom?"

"You think?" Finn asked.

"Crazier things have happened, dude," Jake shrugged.

"I'm going to stop this train of thought right now," Bubblegum sighed as she held some kind of scanner over the woman. "According to this DNA scanner I made up, neither she nor Finn share the same DNA. Other than the obvious fact that you two are both human but…She's not your mother Finn. Or any other relative of yours."

"Well maybe she knows your mom? Or what happened to the other humans?" Jake said. "I mean come on, humans don't just appear on the Ice King's front doorstep every day."

"Yeah how did you find her Ice King?" Finn asked.

"I didn't. Gunter did," Ice King admitted. "Gunter led me right to her."

"Oh yeah **that** helps," Jake grumbled.

"Looks like the only way to solve this mystery is to jog her memory," Bubblegum frowned. "Unless…Ice King can you take Finn and Jake to where you found her? Maybe there are some clues there?"

"Will she be okay?" Ice King looked at the woman.

"She'll be fine but she needs her rest," Dr. Ice Cream said. "Poor woman is obviously traumatized."

"We'll keep her sedated and pump in some fluids," Bubblegum said. "I have a machine I can use to help lessen the damage to her head. It might help speed up her memory. Finn, Jake go with the Ice King and check for clues."

"Yeah! Clues! Detective Ice King is on the case!" Ice King whooped. "We got a real mystery boys! And a mystery lady! Whoo hoo!"

"Great…" Finn sighed as the Ice King danced around. "Just what we need. Detective Ice King is back."

"You really think we'll find anything?" Jake asked.

"Honestly no, but anything to keep the Ice King out of my hair for a few hours," Bubblegum shrugged.

"That's what I thought," Jake sighed as the Ice King danced around.


	4. CS Ice

**CS Ice**

"Dum da dum dum!" The Ice King sang the theme of Dragnet as he went back to where the woman was found. "Dum da dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuuummm!"

Then he spoke. "It was Twangsday, April 25. Or was it the twenty sixth? I can't remember. But dates aren't important. Clues are important. And when there's a case clues are like money and money is like time and time waits for no man. Or a woman. Or penguins. My name is King. Detective Ice King."

"Oh Glob this is going to be a **long day**," Finn groaned as he and Jake followed behind him. Finn was riding on Jake.

"I was working Missing and Found Persons with my partners Sgt. Jake and Finn the young rookie eager to make his mark," Ice King went on. "This was Finn's first case but Jake and I had seen it all."

"You would think I'd seen it all but noooooooooo," Jake groaned. "The crazy just keeps getting crazier."

"Yeah we'd seen it all, done it all then saw it again and did it again," Ice King kept going. "Then we did it again and saw it again. And then we saw some new stuff because we'd already seen all the old stuff. And then the new stuff became the old stuff we already seen and the cycle began all over again."

"He is not going to shut up is he?" Finn groaned.

"No, he is not," Jake said.

"Hey guys it's this way!" Ice King called out.

"I think he's right," Jake said.

"What make you say that?" Finn asked.

"Well the yellow crime tape is a big clue," Jake pointed.

Where the woman had been found there was now a series of yellow tape marking off the scene. Some penguins were standing around and some snowmen appeared to be taking statements. A snail was in the corner waving. "So what's the story Roger?" Ice King flew up to one of the snowmen and landed next to him.

"Eehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…." The snowman made a moaning sound.

"Uh huh," Ice King looked thoughtful. "I see."

"Eehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…." Roger went on.

"Ah, I see," Ice King nodded.

"So what did he say?" Finn asked as he got off of Jake.

"He has no idea what happened," Ice King shrugged.

"Oh Glob give me strength," Finn groaned. "Jake do you see anything besides this hole in the shape of a person?"

"There's no tracks, man," Jake stretched up so he could get a better view.

"Maybe the snow covered them?" Finn shrugged.

"Oh I can help find out!" Ice King snapped his fingers. He used his powers to blow away several feet of snow around them. "Uh…No tracks. If there were any I would have been able to find them using my snow powers."

He pulled some of the snow around from where the indentation was and looked at it. "Yup definitely undisturbed except for this bit here. That's a puzzler all right."

"You can tell when someone's made tracks in the snow?" Jake asked.

"Hell-oooooo! Ice King here!" Ice King snapped. "If it has to do with ice, snow, sleet, frost, or anything cold I know all about it! The snow tells me secrets…And it says that she didn't walk here."

"Are you saying she fell from the sky?" Finn looked up. "How the math did that happen?"

"Yeah last I checked humans can't fly," Jake nodded. "Can they?"

"Uh I'm pretty sure we can't," Finn looked at Jake.

"That's probably how she got the bump on her noggin," Ice King looked down at the indentation. "Fortunately for her she fell on a particularly lumpy snow drift which I just put down the other day. Anywhere else and she would have gone splat at the rate she must have fallen. And whoo boy did she fall hard!"

"Yeah look how deep the snow is," Finn noticed.

"Based on my snow sense and how deep the indentation is she must have fallen from right about…" Ice King flew up quite a ways and called out. "Right up here!"

"Whoa, that's high man," Finn whistled.

"Like I said, anywhere else and SPLAT! She would have been a pancake!" Ice King flew down and made a splat noise. "But I always keep the snow nice and soft and lumpy in my kingdom. I kind of fall down a lot myself so…"

"And you didn't see anything before that?" Finn asked.

"No, I was in my Ranting Chamber ranting about stuff," Ice King shrugged. "I get kind of loud and it's pretty deep and there are no windows. Perfect for ranting…But maybe Gunter saw something?"

"Gunter…The penguin?" Jake raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! Yeah maybe Gunter and the other penguins saw something?" Ice King snapped his fingers. "We've got to interview the witnesses!"

"Can he understand penguin talk?" Jake whispered to Finn.

"I dunno, but right now this is all we've got," Finn sighed.

"Hot dog this is a real case!" Ice King whooped happily as he danced around. "Detective Ice King is on the job!"

"Oh Glob no…" Finn put his hand to his head.

"This is going to be one of **those **adventures isn't it buddy?" Jake sighed.

Twenty minutes later they were in the Ice Castle. "Okay Gunter you're not in trouble," Ice King said to a penguin sitting at an ice desk in a room. "We just want to ask you some questions."

"Wenk…" Gunter chirped.

"No you don't need an attorney!" Ice King snapped. "You're not being charged with anything! We just want to know about the woman you found."

"Wenk, Wenk…"

"Oh it wasn't you who found the woman," Ice King frowned. "It was Goonder who did and told you about it and then you came to me."

"Wenk."

"Okay send Goonder in," Ice King nodded. Gunter waddled off the chair and went into another room. Another penguin came in. "Goonder, have a seat."

Goonder did so. "Okay Goonder tell me what you know about the mystery woman we found in the Ice Kingdom early this morning," Ice King asked.

"Wenk. Wenk, wenk…Wak wak…" Goonder told the Ice King.

"Really? What were you doing **there?**" Ice King asked.

"Weeeenkk…."

"Yes, you **have** to tell me!" Ice King snapped.

"Wenk."

"Don't tell me about your rights Goonder! You have the right to remain silent unless I want you to talk!" Ice King snapped. "Then your right is to blab until your beak falls off! Got it?"

"Wenk!" Goonder sighed. "Wenk, wenk, wak, wenk wak. Wak."

"Wait you were with Gunda? But I thought she was Gaunther's girl?" Ice King asked.

"Wenk."

"Oooohh so **that's** why you didn't want to tell…" Ice King blushed. "Yeah I totally get where you're coming from Bro. Don't worry I won't say a thing. Now tell me what you know about the woman."

"Wenk. Wenk. Wak wenk wenk wak wak."

"Oh I see," Ice King blinked. "You heard Gaunther from the other side of the snowbank and you decided to get out while the getting was good. And then when you got away that's when you ran into Goodny. Am I right?"

"Wenk."

"Wait Goondy is the one who saw something? Well bring him in!" Ice King said.

SLAM!

"Gaunther! Uh hi we were just about to call you…" Ice King looked at the irate penguin.

"WAK! WENK! WAK!" Gaunther pointed at Goonder.

"Wak, Wenk wenk!" Goonder put his flippers on his hips.

"Oh boy…" Ice King groaned. The two male penguins started to face off in the room. "All right! Break it up! Break it up! Obviously you two have some issues to work out but now is not the time!"

"WAKKKKK!" One penguin tackled another and they started fighting.

"Or you two could settle this now," Ice King blinked.

"Wenk! WENK! WAKKKK!" The Penguins kept slapping and pecking each other.

"HEY! HEY! Don't make me put you two in the corner!" Ice King separated the penguins. "Look I need to see Goondy! GOONDY! GOONDY WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Wenk…" A muffled voice came from a closet in the room.

"What the…?" The Ice King went to the closet and opened it. Out tumbled two penguins. One penguin had red flowers on its head.

"Goondy? Gunda?" Ice King blinked.

"Wenk?" Gaunther gasped.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennkkk!" Goonder gasped.

"Wak?" Goondy shrugged. With some furious screeching he was attacked by the other two male penguins. Soon all three male penguins were fighting in the room.

Meanwhile on the other side of an iced two way mirror…

"Do you **believe** this?" Finn groaned.

"I know," Jake said. "That Gunda is a little tramp."

"We're never going to get anywhere with this!" Finn snapped. "Guess I gotta take things into my own hands."

Finn went left the mirror room and stormed into the other room. "KNOCK IT OFF!" He yelled at the penguins. The penguins stopped. "All right! Stop donking around and start giving me answers! Which one of you saw the woman fall? Who saw it? WHO?"

Three of the penguins in the room pointed to the fourth penguin. "**You** start talking!" Finn snapped. "TALK!"

"Wenk! Wak! Wenk! Wak! Wenk!" The penguin pleaded.

Finn frowned. "I have no idea what you just said," Finn put his hand to his head. Jake walked into the room and put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Let me translate," Ice King said. "Goondy said he was out visiting Scott when Scott told him that he saw something strange fall from the sky."

"And who is Scott?" Finn asked.

"He's not a penguin right?" Jake asked.

"No, he's an Iceclops," Ice King said.

"The Iceclops's name is **Scott**?" Jake blinked.

"Well one of them is," Ice King said. "There's a couple of them. But only one stays in my kingdom at a time and the others go to either the South Pole or some other place. I think it's some kind of time share deal."

"So it was Scott the Iceclops that **actually** saw something," Finn reasoned. "Okay let's talk to him!"

"Finally an actual lead," Jake said. He pointed to Gunda. "And Gunda, stop jerking these guys around and just pick one already!"

"Weeeeennnkkk…" Gunda scratched her head with her flipper. "Wenk…Wenk."

"WAK!" The male penguins gasped in shock. The Ice King gasped as well.

"What? What did she say?" Jake asked.

"She did pick one," Ice King said. "She picked…Gunthar! Goodny's twin brother!"

"Wak!" Another penguin appeared. One of the other male penguins fainted.

"Oh snap!" Jake gasped.

"Is it always like this around here?" Finn asked the Ice King, clearly in shock.

"You should stick around during mating season," Ice King explained. "That's when things really get messy!"

"Let's just get out of here," Jake groaned. "Maybe we'll get lucky and the Iceclops will try and eat us!"

Twenty minutes and another penguin slap fight later…

"Are you sure the Iceclops is around here?" Jake grumbled as he and Jake followed the Ice King through a snow covered woodland.

"Of course he is, he's over there," Ice King pointed to an area with some trees. "HEY! SCOTT! WE WANNA TALK TO YOU!"

RRRRRRUMMMBLE

A hill with three trees rose up. Actually it was the Iceclops. It was mostly blue with one huge eye except for a snow covered head, white fur on its arms, legs and crotch area and the trees on its head. And he had a long blonde mustache. "Hey, Ice King. How's it going?"

"Not bad Scott. We got some questions about what happened this morning," Ice King flew up. "There was a human lady we found."

"So **that's** what that was?" Scott thought.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Jake called out.

"Sure," Scott lowered his huge head so he could see Finn and Jake. "It was just before dawn. I was just snoozing along when I heard this really loud sound. Almost like a roar but it wasn't a roar. Sounded mechanical."

"Mechanical?" Finn asked.

"Yeah. Anyway I open my eye and I see this really big shadow flying over my head," Scott said. "I couldn't get a good look at it because one there were a lot of clouds overhead. And two the light was just right in my eye so all I could make out was a shape. Long rectangular shape. And three it was going fast. Really fast. But I did see something small fall out as it was pulling away."

"You did?" Finn asked.

"Yeah but I couldn't tell what it was. Luckily for me Goondy came by early because we share a subscription to the Ooo Times and he was dropping it off like he always does once a week. Actually I only do the crossword puzzles and read the comics."

"I see," Jake nodded.

"It's a good arrangement," Scott went on. "I take his weekly paper off his hands and get something to read and he gets some free fish. Plus the Ooo Times has really upped its subscription for being a weekly publication. I mean, it's usually only five or six pages. And that's not counting all the adds. I'm not paying twenty bits for that!"

"I know it's like highway robbery," Ice King nodded. "Half the time they use the same horoscopes! It's like they only have twenty or thirty horoscopes on file and just recycle them!"

"I know!" Scott said. "And don't get me started on the book review section! I mean how many times can you put a different spin on Baby Whoozit Gets Life Insurance?"

"I read that book," Jake said. "Surprisingly more interesting than you would think."

"Can we get back to the mysterious object in the sky?" Finn asked. "Scott can you tell us anything else about this thing you saw?"

"Sorry Finn. Only that after I saw something fall I wasn't sure if something did fall so I asked Goondy to check it out," Scott said. "Wait, there was one other thing. I saw it go directly north. Right over Ice Falls Peak."

"Ice Falls Peak? That's right at the border with the Unknown Lands," Ice King realized.

"Yeah. Hey what's going on with Goodny and Gunda?" Scott asked.

"Oh you won't believe what happened now!" Ice King began.

"WAK! WENK! WAK!"

"Now what's going on?" Jake asked.

"Uh oh," Ice King saw two penguin females with flowers on their heads fighting. "I was afraid this would happen."

"What?" Jake asked.

"That's Gunda and Guntheresa," Ice King explained. "Gunthar's wife!"

"And this is where we came in…" Finn sighed.


	5. Getting To Know Whoever You Are

**Getting to Know Whoever You Are**

"Finn, Jake I'd like to thank you for your time trying to solve this mystery," Bubblegum said to Finn and Jake as they entered her laboratory with Peppermint Butler.

"How could we **not **get involved?" Finn asked. "This is the first real human sighting in like forever!"

"More importantly I also appreciate you leaving the Ice King behind," Bubblegum spoke up. "So what did you find out?"

"Scott the Iceclops saw and heard a large rectangular object flying overhead the Ice Kingdom towards the northern border of the Unknown Lands early this morning," Jake took out some notes and read them. "Whatever it was made a loud mechanical sound and he did see a small object falling out of it but he was too far away to determine what it was."

"We now know that was our mystery lady," Finn nodded. "Thanks to the Ice King we discovered that she fell directly into the Ice Kingdom because there were no tracks. It was dumb luck she wasn't killed because of all the fresh snow the Ice King put there the other day."

"That's all you found out?" Bubblegum asked.

"That and a lot more about penguins personal lives than I wanted to know," Finn groaned. "Don't ask."

"Is Gunda still cheating on her boyfriend with another penguin?" Peppermint Butler asked.

"How do you know **that?**" Finn was stunned.

"I talk to Gunter sometimes," Peppermint Butler admitted. "Gunter is a bit of a gossip."

"Actually it's two other penguins and one of them is married," Jake told him. "And the wife of that penguin did not take it well."

"It was Guntheresa wasn't it?" Peppermint Butler asked. "Oh she has a temper."

"If we can get off this train to Crazytown for a moment," Bubblegum sighed as she rubbed her head. "Finn you said that Scott the Iceclops saw something mechanical fly north past into the Unknown Lands early this morning. Right?"

"That's right," Finn nodded.

"Hmmm…" Bubblegum went to some machines. "Whatever it was didn't pass over the Candy Kingdom since the Gumball Guardians didn't see it or report it. However using my old Sonic Radaritron Vibrator 3000 I might be able to pick up residue vibrations from that area…"

She pushed several knobs and buttons. "This machine can pick up residual vibrators from half of Ooo that have happened in the past 24 hours. I'll just set it to large UFO and…"

The machine made some kind of noise. "There is a detection of an unknown object early this morning. But it came at a north east angle, almost outside of the detector's range. According to this it flew over the ocean and the Ice Kingdom and then went beyond the Unknown Lands," Bubblegum said.

"Beyond The Unknown Lands? Going there would take forever!" Finn groaned.

"Yeah that place is called the Unknown Lands for a reason," Jake admitted. "And if this thing went beyond the Unknown Lands…"

"I think for now going after this unknown vessel is out of the question," Bubblegum frowned. "It's too dangerous until we know more information."

"You're right. Even Billy always said it was too dangerous to go too far into the Unknown Lands," Finn sighed. "Algebra! We're at a dead end!"

"The best course of action is to help our visitor regain her memory," Bubblegum rationalized. "When she does remember she can give us more information."

"I checked her clothes for identification," Peppermint Butler said as he showed them the jacket. "All I could find is part of a name tag on her jacket. Only the first two letters."

"Be…" Bubblegum read it. "So her name starts with the letter B."

"And the second letter is E," Finn said. "Nothing else?"

"I'm afraid not," Peppermint Butler shrugged.

Nurse Poundcake entered the room. "Our mystery guest is awake," She announced. "And she seems to have calmed down."

"Can she have visitors?" Finn asked.

"Of course," Nurse Poundcake said. "In fact she's well enough to leave the hospital now. Even though she has amnesia."

"Why don't we go visit her?" Bubblegum suggested.

They went to the woman's room. She was sitting on the bed fully dressed in the clothes she was found in minus the jacket. She was wearing her new glasses as well as a white bandage on her head. "Just give it a few days," Dr. Ice Cream said. "Then the bandage can come off."

"Thank you Doctor. Again sorry about the whole…" The woman waved.

"Think nothing of it. You were under stress and putting you on that plate bed wasn't exactly the smartest move we made," Dr. Ice Cream chuckled. "Oh it appears you have visitors."

"Oh hello…" The woman blinked. "Finn is it? And Jake…"

"Yeah that's right," Finn nodded. Finn noticed that her pale red and greying hair was almost to her waist. "And that's Princess Bubblegum and Peppermint Butler."

"Peppermint…Butler?" The woman blinked at the sight of the round red and white candy butler. "Okay…"

"How are you feeling?" Bubblegum asked.

"Other than an almost complete loss of memory and not knowing anything about where I am? Not bad," The woman admitted. "My head doesn't hurt anymore except for this spot." She pointed to the bandage. "Still a little tender."

"We found some letters on your jacket," Finn took the jacket and showed her. "B.E. Anything ring a bell?"

"No, nothing. At least I know what the first two letters of my name are. Unless this is my last name then…" The woman sighed in frustration.

"Well we gotta call you **something**," Jake said. "Can't just go around saying 'Hey you' or 'Lady who has no idea who she is' or stuff like that."

"How about Bee for short?" Finn asked. "Until we find out your real name."

"Bee. Hmmm…I like it," She made a warm smile. "Okay Bee it is."

"So you really don't remember anything at all?" Finn asked.

"I remember things but they're all fuzzy and jumbled," Bee explained. "But I do remember World War 3. What you call the Mushroom War. At least parts of it. And what life was like before it happened."

"Could you tell us about that part? I mean before the war stuff?" Finn asked. "See I've never met any real humans before and…Well…"

"Of course. Maybe that might help me jog my memory?" Bee nodded. "We can talk and visit…Once I figure out where I am going to stay."

"Hey I got a great idea!" Jake spoke up. "Why doesn't Bee come and live with us?"

"What?" Finn and Bee blinked.

"She's a human. You're a human. You're like the only two humans around here," Jake said. "It just makes sense man. You two could help each other. Maybe being around Finn can help your memories Bee and Finn maybe she can help you know about humans?"

"That actually makes sense," Finn said. "How about it Bee?"

"Okay. It's not like I have anywhere else to be at the moment," Bee smiled.

"Then it's all settled," Finn grinned. "You're gonna love our place Bee. It's a huge tree house in the Grass Lands."

"We might want to pick up some groceries and other things to make Bee comfortable before we head home," Jake realized. "Things women need like some clothes, hairbrushes….Uh other stuff."

"We can buy them in the Candy Market along the way home," Finn said.

"I don't have any money," Bee blinked.

"No prob," Finn waved. "We got some coins from our last dungeon crawl."

"Dungeon crawl?" Bee asked.

"A popular way to make money here in Ooo is to go searching for treasure in lost woods and the many various dungeons all over the land," Bubblegum explained.

"Me and Jake are top notch explorers of dungeons," Finn said proudly. "I could show you how to do it sometime."

"Okay…" Bee blinked. "Sorry this is still just a little weird for me. But I'm getting used to it."

"We'll take it slow," Jake said. "How about a tour of the Candy Market first? That should help get you up to speed."

Soon Finn and Jake were showing Bee around the Candy Market in the Candy Kingdom. They had already bought a few things and were carrying them in satchels. Bee couldn't help but stop and stare at all the various colorful candy people and houses. "Finn what are **those**?" She pointed up to the sky.

"Those? Those are the Gumball Guardians," Finn explained as he saw Bee was looking at the giant figures sitting on the sides of the castle blowing bubbles. "They protect the kingdom. Well so do me and Jake but they're like the first line of defense."

"Oh…" Bee looked around. "And what are those things on that ledge? Statues?"

"No, that's Goliad and Stormo," Finn explained about the Candy Sphinxes. "See the pink one is Goliad and she's was supposed to be Bubblegum's successor, but she got way too powerful and too greedy. So PB used some of my DNA to make Stormo to keep her in check."

"They're fighting an endless epic psychic battle but they're too evenly matched so they're stuck like that forever," Jake explained.

"I see," Betty nodded. She looked at Finn. "Speaking of DNA I just realized that you have some slight mutations yourself. Your eyes while appearing to be a shade of blue do have some slight variations upon closer inspection."

"Huh?" Finn blinked.

"The irises are about a tenth of an inch smaller than what is considered normal and while your left eye has a tint of green amid the blue your right eye is clearly a darker shade of blue without any green in it," Bee looked at Finn. "This suggests you may have a genetic condition known as heterochromia. I've also noticed that your build is more mature and flexible than most children your age and have concluded that it may be the result of adaptability to the environment. Mostly likely due to the radiation that has occurred over the centuries which has given you these slight mutations."

"Uh Bee…" Finn blinked. "I don't know exactly what you just said but a lot of that sounded like science stuff."

"You just sounded almost exactly like Princess Bubblegum when she's got her science on," Jake realized. "Hey! Maybe that means you're some kind of scientist too?"

Bee stared off into space for a second. "I think you might be right," Bee said. "Now that I think about it…I do recall a lot of knowledge about biology and genetics. In fact I remember more of that than my past."

Suddenly Bee winced in pain. "Bee?" Finn asked.

"It's okay…I just had a flashback of myself in college studying…" Bee shook her head. "Wait, I went to college?"

"What's college?" Finn asked.

"It's a school most young people go to after high school, to prepare for what careers they are going to take in life," Bee explained.

"High school?" Finn blinked.

"You know what that is," Jake said. "It's those places teenagers hang out in some of those old movies we found. Usually as a punishment. Like that one movie we found? The Lunch Club or something like that."

"Oh right," Finn nodded.

"You never went to school?" Bee asked.

"Of course I did. I was the top student in Obedience School," Finn said proudly.

"I hated Obedience School. Hardest three weeks of my life," Jake groaned.

"That's because you didn't study dude," Finn gave him a look.

Jake made an annoyed sound. "Feh! Who needs studying? I learned more from the streets than I did in dumb old school!"

"Jake ran with a gang for a bit," Finn explained. "He's got a little bit of a past."

"Yeah I was kind of the rebel of the family," Jake admitted. "But I grew out of that phase."

"So you were raised by dogs?" Bee asked as they made their way through the market.

"Yeah my Mom and Dad found Finn while on a walk one day," Jake explained. "Before we knew it, my brother and I had another little brother. "

"So you live with your adopted family?" Bee asked.

"I live with Jake yeah he's my bro," Finn said. "I have another brother named Jermaine who travels around a lot."

"What about your parents?" Bee asked.

"Dad died in dungeon fighting off some monster," Finn explained. "Mom about five years after that."

"Oh I'm sorry. What did she die of?" Bee asked.

"Cancer," Finn said.

"That's still around huh?" Bee asked.

"Lady there's still traces of radiation everywhere because of the Mushroom War," Jake said. "What do **you **think?"

"Oh right," Bee blinked. She noticed several Candy People watching her but said nothing as they walked.

"Finn! Jake! Over here!" A voice called out. It was Tree Trunks waving her trunk.

"Hey guys! Come on over!" Shelby the Worm called out from on top of her head.

"Is that a talking elephant and a talking worm?" Bee did a double take.

"Yeah. The elephant is Tree Trunks and the worm is Shelby," Finn said. "Come on, let's go meet them."

"Okay so basically everything **talks** around here," Bee blinked.

"Well not everything but…A lot of things," Jake explained. "You just gotta go with the flow sister."

"What have I got to lose?" Bee shrugged. "On second thought don't answer that."

They walked over to the pair. "Why hello there," Tree Trunks said. "You must be that human lady everyone is talking about. I'm Tree Trunks and this little feller on my head is Shelby."

"Hi. I'm Shelby. I live in Jake's viola. How's it going?" Shelby asked.

"Kind of…weird," Bee blinked. She saw more Candy People looking at her. "Uh why is everyone looking at me like that?"

"Don't pay them any mind honey," Tree Trunks said. "They've just never seen another human besides Finn before."

"Well I've never seen a Candy Person before," Bee said. "Or a talking dog or a talking elephant and…other talking things." She looked at Shelby. "So I guess we're even."

"So you have a name or…?" Shelby asked.

"You can call me Bee I guess," Bee said.

"She kind of can't remember at the moment," Jake explained. "She has amnesia because apparently she fell from something that flew over the Ice Kingdom."

"Honey you were lucky," Tree Trunks said.

"Yeah that Ice King is one big weirdo," Shelby agreed.

"He was nice to me," Bee said.

"Well that's probably because you weren't a princess," Shelby said. "He's obsessed with princesses."

"I've heard," Bee smirked. "Princess Bubblegum explained to me about his habit of kidnapping princesses because he's lonely."

"He has problems," Tree Trunks admitted. "But enough gossip. I just wanted to make sure you got this pie." She indicated a basket. "It's apple."

"Aw sweet!" Jake beamed. "Tree Trunks bakes the best apple pies!"

"And I wasn't sure if you liked apple honey so I also baked a blueberry peach pie," Tree Trunks said.

"Thank you very much," Bee said as she took the basket. "You didn't have to do that."

"Well it isn't every day another human moves into Ooo," Tree Trunks said proudly.

"I guess not. I can't believe there are no other humans," Bee said.

"Well that can't be true," Shelby said. "I mean you're here and Finn's here. Maybe there are a lot of humans but they're far away? I heard that whatever you fell out of flew past the Unknown Lands. And those places are dangerous enough. But beyond the Unknown Lands…Nobody's crossed them."

"And with good reason," Tree Trunks said. "The Unknown Lands are barren and filled with horrible things. Poisonous creatures, pools of acid, bombs from the Mushroom War, rusted nails sticking up everywhere. It's horrible!"

"I once saw the outskirts of the Unknown Lands once," Shelby said. "That place is cree-py! With a capital Creep! Lot of black crows there and me being a worm well…"

"Hey, hey! Ixnay on the Ad-Things Bay," Jake cautioned. He whispered to Shelby. "What are you trying to do man? Freak her out?"

"Just saying dude," Shelby said.

"I think we have enough stuff," Finn said. "We'd better get to the tree house. Nice to see you Tree Trunks."

"Yeah come on Shelby," Jake let Shelby crawl on his arm and onto his head.

"You're not gonna make Bee walk all that way to the tree house are you?" Tree Trunks asked.

"Oh no. Jake…" Finn suggested.

"Right," Jake nodded. He shape shifted to a larger form. "Hop on my back Bee. Best ride in town."

"Okay," Bee said as she and Finn got on Jake's back.

"Hang on!" Jake cautioned before he grew bigger and ran off.

"Whoooo hooo!" Bee gasped. "This is…**fun!"**

"Yeah riding on Jake's back is great!" Shelby cried out.

It wasn't long before they reached the tree house. "That was amazing!" Bee caught her breath as Jake shrunk down to regular size and they got off his back.

"See? Ooo is a fun place to live in," Finn said. "Come on in, Bee!"

"You live **here?"** Bee looked around the tree house as they entered. She was stunned at all the treasure and other various objects in the entrance way.

"Yup, best tree house on the block," Jake said. "Okay it's the only tree house on the block. So what do you think? Pretty sweet huh?"

"It's different," Bee looked around.

"It's a pig sty!" Shelby groaned. "No wait, pig stys are cleaner!"

"Uhhh…" Finn looked around at the clothes on the floor, pizza boxes stacked high, swords everywhere and other various objects slovely placed all around. "Oops. Guess we should have cleaned up first huh?"

"To be fair we weren't expecting company," Jake pointed out.

"Jake technically I live here too," Shelby said. "You could have cleaned for **me!"**

"Hello!" BMO popped out of a hole in the wall. "Finn! Jake! I find new sock in wall! Lorraine tried to steal it but got double crossed by dirty coppers! I find it!" BMO waved the sock happily.

"What is **that?**" Bee blinked.

"Oh man I forgot about BMO," Finn realized. "I hope she doesn't freak out again!"

"I dunno. She seemed kind of okay back in the Candy Kingdom," Jake shrugged.

"Yeah but it might be one thing too much for her," Finn said.

"Hello pretty lady," BMO walked up to Bee. "I am BMO. I am a real boy."

"Well nice to meet you BMO," Bee knelt down. "I'm Bee."

"See, she's not freaking out," Jake told Finn. "Right Bee?"

"Not really. For some reason it makes more sense to me to see a living computer than a living candy person," Bee shrugged.

"O-kay," Jake blinked. He whispered to Finn. "Buddy, if she thinks it makes more sense for a computer to be alive than a candy person she's more whacked out than we thought."

"BMO Bee is going to stay with us for a while," Finn explained.

"This isn't going to be like the time you let a bear stay here is it?" BMO asked.

"A **bear?**" Bee blinked. "You mean an actual bear lived here for a while?"

"Long story," Jake shrugged. "But this is gonna be great. You'll love staying here Bee."

"And where exactly is she going to stay? On the floor?" Shelby asked.

"Well uh…" Finn looked around. "We don't have an extra bed do we?"

"We have a bathtub," Jake said.

"WHAT?"

They heard an exclamation and turned to the window. The Ice King burst in. "Hey Dummies you can't let a lady sleep in a bathtub!" Ice King snapped. "Don't you know anything?"

"We know not to put a princess in a cage!" Jake snapped.

"It's a very clean cage that's **not** a bathtub!" Ice King snapped.

"Ice King what were you doing spying outside in the first place?" Finn folded his arms.

"Well I was…" Ice King fiddled with his hands. "What? A guy can't hang with his bros?"

"Listen Ice King, Bee is going to stay here for a while, so you can't just come over and bother us with your crazy whenever you want!" Jake warned.

"Who's Bee?" Ice King blinked.

"I am," Bee said. "Well that's the name I picked for myself until I remember my real one."

"Oh. That's a nice name," Ice King smiled. "But as I was saying I was hiding on the roof waiting for you to come home when I overheard everything. Don't you know a lady needs her own room and stuff?"

"For once the Ice King has a point," Jake admitted. "Hey, we can fix up the den. We hardly ever use that anyway."

"Great idea! I'll show you where it is," Finn took Bee by the hand and showed her the way to the den. "It just needs a little tiding up."

"Is that a bomb in the corner?" Bee's voice was understandably nervous.

"Oh yeah. We've been meaning to get rid of that," Finn scratched his head. "Don't worry. It's a dud. We think."

"My dungeon is looking pretty good right about now isn't it?" Ice King said sarcastically. "At least there are no **bombs **in there!"

Finn said. "Okay so we'll move some stuff outside and get Bee a bed. How hard can that be?"

"Oh boy," Shelby said. "Cue montage of really bad ideas."

The rest of the afternoon was full of Finn and Jake looking for a bed for Bee. After Jake removed the bomb and other weapons of mass destruction from the den.

Finn and Jake tried to make a bed out of a pile of leaves, but there were worms in it which freaked Finn out.

Finn and Jake then tried to weave a bed out of grass but then Jake got hay fever and sneezed, destroying the bed.

Finn and Jake then tried to tie up a hammock and put it in the room. But when Jake demonstrated he fell off and the hammock fell apart.

Finn tried to get some straw from their chicken coop only to be chased around by some two headed ducks. Bee watched this from the window of the tree fort with a very worried look on her face. She was cleaning the room with BMO who was dancing with a feather duster.

At the end of the day…

"Okay maybe this wasn't such a good idea?" Jake groaned as he sat down on the couch in the living room. "Maybe we can just move this couch into the den?"

Just then another tiny computer that looked almost exactly like BMO popped out giggling from the couch. "What the…?" Bee blinked as it ran into a hole in the wall.

"Oh yeah, that's CMO," Finn said. "Kind of a long story."

"Exactly how many people or things **live** in this tree fort?" Bee asked.

"Uh we're not really sure," Jake admitted.

"There's stuff in the walls we never really got around to exploring," Finn admitted. "Nothing so bad. Some mice, bugs, a couple of wild cats, a chicken, a few two headed ducks, a bird or two or three…"

Just then a tiny little man dressed in green stumbled out of the hole. He walked across the floor to another hole in the other side of the wall. "Okay that's new," Jake blinked. "Finn do you know that guy?"

"I have no idea who that is," Finn admitted.

"Oh what have I gotten myself into?" Bee groaned.

"Hellooooooo! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!" Ice King was heard calling out again.

"Great just what we need," Jake said. "Another weirdo we can't get rid of."

"Hey guys open the door! This thing is hard to fit through a window!" Ice King called out.

"What is he doing now?" Finn groaned as he went to answer the door.

"Make way! Ice King Movers coming through!" Ice King walked in carrying something blue and rectangular on his back. "Phew! This thing is heavier than it looks!" He put it down.

"What is that?" Finn asked.

"I made a mattress for Bee made of some of my old blankets and baby penguin down," Ice King showed them. "It's soft and comfy! I have one just like it on my bed."

"You shaved baby penguins to make a **bed?"** Finn gasped.

"No you numb nuts! I collect the down when it falls off!" Ice King snapped. "You know when they grow up?"

"Oh," Finn blinked.

"I thought you slept on a bed of ice?" Jake asked.

"I do. I put the mattress **on top** of the ice," Ice King rolled his eyes. "I get the firm support of ice for my back and the soft parts for the rest of me. It's perfect for sleeping."

"But don't you get cold? Oh wait…" Bee realized who she was talking to.

"That was really nice of you Ice King," Finn said. "What are you up to?"

"Who says I'm up to anything?" Ice King whistled.

"Anyone who has met you for more than a few minutes," Jake remarked.

"ICE KING!" Someone shouted. "COME OUT HERE YOU CREEP! WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

"Huh?" Ice King looked out the window.

Outside were two figures. The first one was a floating wizard in a purple and yellow suit with a yellow diamond shaped hood and two red eyes emerging from it. "Get out here Ice King!" Laser Wizard snarled. "Me and Prism Wizard are gonna have a talk with you!"

The other was also a wizard in a purple and yellow suit with the colors reversed with a purple diamond shaped hood and red eyes. "You gonna pay for what you did to my cousin Laser Wizard back in Wizard City!"

"Uh oh…" Ice King gulped. "Aw come on guys, let's talk about this huh?"

"What did you do this time?" Jake asked Ice King.

"Honestly I can't remember," Ice King groaned.

"You get out here Ice King or we gonna burn you out!" Prism Wizard set a magic fire blast at the tree house.

"HEY! You wanna start a forest fire or something?" Ice King put the fire out before it hit the tree house. "Come on guys. We're all wizards here. Except of course obviously for these people. Let's talk it out."

"We'd rather let our magic do the talking for us Ice King!" Laser Wizard snarled as he shot off a laser at Ice King's head. Ice King barely ducked away in time.

"WHOA!" Finn yelled as the laser went through the window and hit the wall of the tree fort, making a small hole in the wall.

"Okay! If that's the way you wanna play it!" Ice King powered up his magic. "IT'S GO TIME BABY!" He swooped into the air attacking the two other wizards.

"So what do you think he did this time?" Jake asked as the wizards did battle on the lawn.

"Who knows? Every time he goes to Wizard City he always gets into a fight about something," Finn groaned.

"So just to clear things up for me," Bee gave the boys a look. "Wizard battles on the front lawn are **normal** around here?"

"No. He usually takes his fights outside the Candy Kingdom," Jake said. "But yeah this happens more often than we'd like."

"HA HA HA HA!" Ice King laughed as he froze Prism Wizard's feet.

"Not cool man! Not cool!" Prism Wizard shouted. He was then attacked by some two headed ducks. "OW! GET OFF ME BIRDS!"

"Oh yeah, word of warning," Finn said. "The two headed ducks are getting ready to have babies and are kind of territorial. So uh, don't go near their coop for the next couple of weeks."

ZAP! ZOOOOOOOM! FREEEZE!

"Oh that's not going to grow back anytime soon," Jake winced.

"WAK! WAK! WAK!" A penguin with flowers on its head carrying a small table was chasing another female penguin.

"Looks like Guntheresa is still pretty mad," Finn blinked.

"OW! HE BIT ME!" Laser Wizard yelled in pain. "THE ICE KING IS AN ANIMAL!"

"HA HA HA!" The Ice King yelled as he chased the Laser Wizard around.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME! AAGGGH! GETTHESE DUCKS OFF ME!" Prism Wizard yelled as some two headed ducks attacked him.

"WAK! WAK! WAK! QUACK! QUACK!" Now the two female penguins were fighting some more two headed ducks.

"Is it always this **weird **around here?" Bee asked.

"Nah sometimes things get really nuts," Jake told her.

"That's what I **thought,"** Bee groaned.


	6. Finn and Bee

**Finn and Bee**

The first night Bee had come to the tree house Finn couldn't sleep. "Jake? You awake?" Finn whispered as he lay in bed.

"I am now," Jake sat up in his drawer bed. "What's bugging you bro?"

"It's kind of weird for me having another human in the house, let alone a woman," Finn admitted. "I mean an older woman. And it's not like I'm gonna fall in love with her or anything like that."

"What do you mean? You had a crush on PB and she's way older than you," Jake looked at him.

"Yeah but she wasn't…Older like…" Finn backpedaled.

"I getcha pal. You don't wanna date someone who probably looks like your mom," Jake admitted.

"I don't know how to…talk to her," Finn realized.

"Well she's probably wondering how to talk to you," Jake thought. "Try to find out what she's interested in. And be yourself. It's not that hard if you don't overthink it. I mean you're friends with lots of people right?"

"Yeah. You're right," Finn nodded. "I mean I'm friends with Tree Trunks and she's way old. Marceline is really old even if she doesn't look it."

"There you go. Get some sleep bro and don't overthink it," Jake yawned and went back to sleep.

But Finn couldn't get to sleep. He climbed out of bed and went to check on Bee. She was sitting in her bed wearing a pink bathrobe over her pajamas reading a book. She noticed Finn after a minute. "Finn? Are you okay?"

"Uh yeah. I couldn't sleep," Finn scratched his head even though he was still wearing his trademark hat. "You couldn't either huh?"

"I'm not really tired. And I want to catch up on the science that's progressed since…Well, since what I remember," Bee explained. "Princess Bubblegum gave me these books. They're very helpful."

"So you are some kind of scientist," Finn sat down on the floor.

"It appears so," Bee said. "It's also helping me rationalize all the changes in the world. Princess Bubblegum explained to me about all the mutations and different scientific forces and how things look like magic but aren't."

"Yeah well PB is wrong about that," Finn said. "Magic is totally real."

"I can understand why you believe in magic. I mean your brother is a shape shifting talking dog and there's all sorts of very weird mutations running around that kind of looks magical," Bee said. "But I mean come on Finn…"

"My grass sword is magic. Look…" Finn concentrated and his grass sword formed from his hand.

"That's some kind of sentient plant mutation," Bee blinked. "I admit it's a very unusual mutation but a mutation nonetheless."

"Well how do you explain the Ice King? He can't do his magic without the crown," Finn said as he put his sword away.

"Some kind of cryokinesis device, I don't know," Bee shrugged.

"Cryo-what?" Finn blinked.

"You can move ice with your mind," Bee said simply. "But I believe everything can be explained with some kind rational scientific…"

"Bloop! Bloop! Bloop!"

Something small and orange and fuzzy with two legs and a strange looking snout walked out of one of the holes in the wall. It hiccupped and with a pop it exploded. In its place there were five smaller creatures that looked exactly like it only they had different colors.

"Okay you got me on that one," Bee blinked as the creatures went inside another hole in the wall. "I got nothing that explains **that!"**

"Just saying," Finn shrugged. "Still explains why you have that there." He pointed to her bathrobe.

"Huh? AAAH! What is **this?"** Bee gasped at the tiny pink thing in the pocket of the bathrobe. It blinked at her with tiny black eyes and smiled.

"That's a scientific parasite," Finn said casually. "They eat brain waves."

"WHAT?" Bee yelled.

"No, no! Not what you think!" Finn protested. "They don't bite your brain and stuff. They just…Sit there and feed off of the waves that come off of your brain. Only really smart people get them. Smart, smart brains."

"I don't remember this…" Bee gulped. "I really don't remember this!"

"Well they sort of started showing up at the end of the Mushroom War," Finn scratched his head. "If I get my history right."

Finn used one of his fingers to pet the parasite. "See? It's kind of cute."

"Ah ha…yeah," Bee said nervously. She cautiously took her bathrobe off. "That's enough studying for now."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to freak you out," Finn apologized.

"Don't be. It's not you. In fact you're the only thing around here that's normal to me," Bee sighed.

"Well maybe that's not a bad thing?" Finn suggested. "I can teach you all about Ooo and you can teach me all about humans!"

"Teacher? Honestly Finn I don't know where to begin when it comes to teaching you about humans," Bee sighed.

"Don't worry. It'll be great. And Ooo is great too but you gotta remember a few things," Finn said. "Number one, don't eat Candy People. They have aspirations."

"I think I can remember that one," Bee smiled.

"Number Two: Don't go into the Ice Kingdom. Especially alone," Finn went on. "Number Three, Don't ever dis Princess Bubblegum's science. Number Seven always be careful in a dungeon. See? It's easy."

"Seven? What happened to numbers four through six?" Bee asked.

"Don't they come after seven?" Finn blinked. "Don't worry. It'll be easy. You'll be used to how Ooo rolls in no time! Just as sure as Abraham Lincoln is the ruler of Mars!"

"Okay **now** I know where to begin," Bee grimaced.

Day Three of Bee moving in…

"Okay now that we've gone over why it's a bad idea to bite rocks and trees for the third and hopefully **final** time…" Bee sighed as she rubbed her head. "Let's try some more math shall we?"

"Okay," Finn was sitting at a desk and Bee was standing in front of a chalkboard. Jake was also sitting at a desk but he was sleeping. "Jake! Jake! Wake up!"

"I think you'd better let him sleep," Bee sighed. "We seem to get more work done when he's unconscious."

"You have a point," Finn winced as Jake drooled all over his desk.

"Let's try our times tables again," Bee let out a breath. "Two times two is…"

"Four!" Finn grinned. "Two times three is six. Two times four is eight…Two times five is ten! Two times six is uh…thirteen?"

"Twelve," Bee corrected. "But you're getting better. You got higher this time."

"Man math is hard," Finn groaned. "How long do I have to learn this stuff anyway? Are we almost done?"

"Finn we've barely even started," Bee said. "After times tables there's addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, algebraic equations…"

"Ugh…" Finn winced. "And human kids have to learn all that junk?"

"Most of them do," Bee shrugged. "Although in your case if you learn your times tables I'll be happy. Of course you also need to learn history, science, reading, writing, essay writing, how to write a term paper, basic life sciences…"

"Whoa! Whoa! That's a lot! How long does it take them to learn all this stuff?" Finn asked.

"A long time. Most kids start in preschool when they are very little and go on to high school when they turn 18," Bee explained. "Then they do more school in college for a few more years."

"And is it like once a week or…?"

"No, Finn," Bee smiled. "Real schools usually start early in the morning and don't finish until two or three in the afternoon. And that's not counting homework and extracurricular activities."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Finn blinked. "Human kids went to school five days a week at the same time for several hours for **years?**"

"Yes," Bee nodded.

"When did they find time to go into dungeons?" Finn blinked.

"They didn't," Bee smirked. "First of all there were no dungeons back then and second of all it would have been considered too dangerous for kids if they did."

"So kids would just go to school," Finn frowned. "Man I'm starting to think I dodged an arrow living in Ooo."

"There were other activities kids would play," Bee said. "Basketball, football, soccer, baseball, dodge ball…"

"I know those sports," Finn blinked. "I've even played basketball with Marceline, Jake and the Ice King."

"Who's Marceline?"

"She's the Vampire Queen," Finn said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Vampire **Queen**? O-kay…" Bee blinked.

"She looks like a teenager but she's like a thousand years old," Finn went on.

"Finn don't you play with kids your own age?" Bee asked.

"Well uh a couple times," Finn scratched his head. "Once Princess Bubblegum reverted to a thirteen year old and that was fun. And sometimes the Candy Kingdom Kids. And then there was Flame Princess…Uh…Now that I think about it, I spend most of my time with Jake."

"Right," Bee sighed. "I keep forgetting you never spent any time with humans before."

"Well I'm spending time with you and you're human," Finn said. "And you make learning fun. Even if it is a lot of stuff. Hey! Maybe I can teach you stuff too?"

"I'd like that," Bee grinned. Then her smile faded. "What exactly would you be teaching me?"

Day Four of Bee moving in…

"Are you sure this is a good idea Finn?" Jake asked as they walked through some woods. "I don't know if she's ready for this."

"Come on. You don't get ready for dungeon crawling," Finn waved. "You just do it!"

"I dunno…" Jake thought. "I don't think this is something an older lady should be doing. Might be a little too hard for her."

"Come on bro," Finn waved. "Even Tree Trunks has done a few dungeons. How hard could it be for Bee? Right Bee? Bee?" Finn looked behind him. "Bee come on!"

"Uh Finn," Bee blinked as she caught up to them. She was carrying a sword and a shield. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Relax Bee. You'll be fine," Finn waved. "I picked a real easy dungeon. Level one."

"Yeah and if there's any real trouble I can help you out!" Jake told her. "No problem!"

"Okay…if you say so," Bee was a bit nervous.

"Don't worry. Dungeons are fun and totally clear your head," Finn explained. "Helped me get through some bad breakups."

"Breakups?" Bee asked.

"I was in love with Bubblegum but she has no real interest in me like that," Finn sighed. "Now that I think about it, it was more like a major crush but she's like really old even though she only looks like a teenager. I mean she's like over three hundred at least! Looking back on it now there was no way it was going to work. Then there was Flame Princess."

"Now who is this Flame Princess you keep mentioning?" Bee asked.

"She's my age. A real special girl that I dated for a bit. Long story short I donked it up," Finn groaned. "She now rules the Fire Kingdom. Took it over from her Dad in a coup but he was evil so…"

"He he he…" The cackling of the Ice King was heard.

"Oh no…" Jake groaned. "Here comes King Crazy Cold."

"Mine! Mine! Mine!" The Ice King laughed as he chased and grabbed leaves. "All mine!"

"Ugh, he thinks the leaves are princesses again," Finn groaned.

"Would you rather he chase and catch **real princesses**?" Jake asked.

"You have a point," Finn admitted.

"Hey guys! I got my leaf princesses! And don't take them from me!" Ice King hugged them tightly.

"Yeah you can **have **those," Finn groaned.

"I'm starting to think that the Ice King isn't as sensible as I thought when we first met," Bee frowned.

"Trust me, Bee," Jake pulled Bee away from the Ice King. "You want to stay as far away from this nut job as possible."

"How soon you forget you **married **this nut job!" The Ice King called out as they left.

"Married?" Bee gave Jake a look.

"Technically it was my butt that was accidentally married to the Ice King," Jake said. "Of course the whole thing was annulled in like an hour so…"

"Anyone else that would be a very weird statement," Bee blinked. "But for some reason that makes sense to me."

"Okay here we are," Finn said as they approached a large cave with huge stalactites and stalagmites that looked like teeth. "Your dungeon awaits!"

"Uh is this safe?" Bee gulped.

"Safe-ish," Finn shrugged. "I mean no dungeon is one hundred percent safe but this one is like 93 percent. Or ninety five. Depending on how high you can jump."

"Jump?" Bee did a double take. "Why would I need to jump?"

Just then a pair of eyes appeared above the cave. "Halt! Intruders!" The Rock Cave spoke in a loud voice as it moved its mouth. "Who dares enter the Cave of Doom?!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Bee yelled, dropped her weapons and ran the other way.

"Was it something I said?" The Rock Cave asked. "Oh man. I knew it. My breath stinks doesn't it? I knew I shouldn't have eaten that green moss last night."

"Dang," Finn blinked. "I think we moved a little too fast on this one. She just wasn't ready."

"Ya think?" Jake groaned. "So now what?"

"Maybe we should try something simpler?" Finn thought.

Day Five of Bee moving in.

"Okay Bee let's try this," Finn handed Bee the controller as they sat on the couch. "BMO play Guardians of Sunshine."

"We should have done this first," Jake nodded. "You'll get a better idea of what dungeon crawling is like when you do the simulation."

"Okay Bee this is up, down, and this makes you punch and throw stuff," Finn showed Bee the controls. "And push these buttons to jump and these to kick. Got it?"

"I think so," Bee nodded as she started to play.

"Don't get too discouraged if you can't beat the game," Finn waved. "It took me a year before I could beat Slippery Sam. He's the boss at the end of the game."

"Good jump Bee," Jake encouraged. "Don't forget the coins. Oh wait you got them."

"Now watch out for the bees because…Oh you took care of them," Finn said. Then he lightly chuckled. "Yeah bees are easy. Now you have to…Oh watch out for the…Okay now…It's Slippery Sam! Now you gotta do a combo! Press up down and…"

BEEP! BEEP! BOOOOOOOOOOP! DA! DA! DA!

Finn and Jake's jaws dropped. "So that frog thing I blew up was the boss of the game?" Bee asked.

"Uh huh…" Finn was stunned.

"That's **it**?" Bee blinked. "That was kind of easy."

"EASY?" Finn yelled. "YOU JUST…? HOW DID YOU…? YOU BEAT SLIPPERY SAM ON THE FIRST TRY?"

"It's not that hard a game," Bee said. "What is it for five year olds or something?"

"FIVE…?" Finn was about to have a heart attack. "AAAGGHHH! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS?"

"You can trash Slippery Sam but you can't complete a simple Level One dungeon?" Jake folded his arms. "Seriously? What is up with you woman?"

"Okay obviously this was just a fluke!" Finn said. "Let's play again!"

Five games later…

"Bee wins again! Yay!" BMO cheered.

"AAAGGGH!" Jake was playing now with Bee. "What were you really? Some kind of professional video game player or something? We're being hustled Finn!"

"I can't help it! I tried to take it easy on you but…" Bee protested.

"Okay…I think I'm going to bang my head against the wall for an hour…" Finn groaned.

Day 6 of Bee moving in:

Princess Bubblegum swooped in for a landing on Morrow, her giant falcon onto the grass in front of Finn and Jake's tree house. Morrow was carrying a large satchel attached to his front. She was stunned as there was an explosion and a wave of orange goop poured out a window.

"Oh my!" Bubblegum gasped as she got off Morrow.

"That was mathematical!" Finn whooped as he emerged from the tree house with splatters of orange all over him. Jake and Bee emerged as well with orange on them as well.

"Yeah who knew science could be so violent?" Jake agreed eagerly. He licked the orange off his body with his tongue. "And tasty!"

"What happened?" Bubblegum asked. "Are you all right?"

"Oh yeah we're fine," Bee sighed as she brushed some orange goop off of her glasses. "Just tutoring Finn on some science."

"Bee showed me how to make a homemade volcano!" Finn cheered. "It was so cool!"

"In hindsight making it inside the tree fort may not have been my best idea," Bee admitted.

"Probably not," Bubblegum shrugged as she reached into Morrow's satchel. "Finn I need you and Jake to go get some tears from a rock giant for me."

She picked up a giant onion the size of a large pillow. "Here's a big onion. Cut it in half when you get there and make sure the rock giant gets a big whiff. Then collect the tears with this." She pulled out a large barrel. "Fill it to the brim if you don't mind."

"No Prob Peebs," Finn and Jake took the objects and the satchel from Morrow. "Hey Bee want to go on a quest with us? You get to see a real rock giant."

"Uh…" Bee blinked.

"Don't worry. Rock giants are real peaceful and real sensitive," Jake explained. "All we have to do is ask the guy for some tears and bang! We're done."

"Why do you need tears from a rock giant?" Bee asked Bubblegum.

"I need a good supply for an experiment I'm conducting," Bubblegum explained.

"What kind of experiment needs tears from a…?" Bee began.

"Trust us, Bee," Finn interrupted. "You don't want to know."

"I think I might want to know if I'm risking my life for this," Bee blinked.

"There's no risk. Rock giants are a pretty mellow bunch," Jake waved. "It'll be fine."

"Still what kind of…?" Bee began.

"Trust us Bee, sometimes it's just better to go with it," Finn interrupted.

Jake got bigger and put on the satchel. Finn pulled Bee up onto Jake's back and they went off.

"Bye! Hurry up with my tears!" Bubblegum waved.

"Does this happen a lot?" Bee asked as they rode away. "Bubblegum sending you on errands?"

"Pretty much," Finn shrugged. "Usually at least once a week PB will ask us to go kill a monster or get something from a dungeon or deliver something. Usually it's no big deal. Every now and then we get a weird job."

"Getting tears from a rock giant **isn't** a _weird job_?" Bee did a double take.

"Not compared to some of the other stuff we've done," Jake said as he ran.

"Like what?" Bee asked.

"Let's see…" Jake thought aloud. "There was a time that we were supposed to investigate this weird report of a rock monster that was eating villagers but it turned out the villagers were trying to blow up the rock monster because they thought he had diamonds in his stomach. But he really had some kind of demon in it that wanted to eat all the cotton candy in the world and then things got weird."

"Uh huh…" Bee's eyes grew wide.

"There was the time we had to deliver candy seeds to the Lemongrabs back when there was two of them," Finn added. "They tried to kill us and invade the Candy Kingdom. That was back when there was two of them. The first one went nanners and ate his brother."

"Oh my goodness," Bee gasped.

"Then there was this science experiment we helped her out with that turned nearly the entire kingdom into a horde of ravenous flesh eating zombies," Jake added. "And then it happened again."

"She ran the same experiment that created a zombie horde **twice**?" Bee did a double take.

"Technically the second time was an accident," Jake said.

"And the first one **wasn't?"** Bee yelled.

"Oh yeah. I guess it was," Jake realized. "Then there was the time these fire breathing gophers invaded her garden. That took all day! It took weeks for some of my fur to grow back! And then there was the time we had to go find the Spoon of Prosperity and nearly got buried alive by a ton of sand and Marceline went kind of nuts and tried to eat me because I ate all her red stuff. But that one was my bad. I was fooling around and I got really hungry and tried to eat her and it wasn't a pretty scene."

"Don't forget when we fought the Lich," Finn said. "He was a real big bad guy! Wanted to totally destroy all life on the planet! Jake and I stopped him a couple of times. Took over Bubblegum's body after the Ice King accidentally nearly killed her."

"How do you accidentally nearly kill someone?" Bee asked.

"He kidnapped her but decided to let her go," Finn said. "Unfortunately he was flying over some toxic sludge at the time he let her go and…It wasn't pretty."

"I can imagine," Bee winced. "So in other words almost all your errands for Bubblegum end up being dangerous ones?"

"Not always. Only like 90 percent of the time," Jake remarked. "Hey we're here."

"This looks like a mountain," Bee blinked. "A huge mountain with a path and trees. And a lake…With ducks swimming in it."

"Stuff often grows on rock giants and they don't mind people hiking on their back," Finn explained as Jake stretched up. "Hey rock giant!"

"Hi Finn!" The Rock Giant opened its cavernous mouth. "What can I do for you today?"

"Princess Bubblegum needs some of your tears," Finn explained.

"Oh okay," The Rock Giant nodded. "Is that another human with you?"

"Yeah. This is Bee," Finn introduced. "Bee, Rock Giant. Rock Giant, Bee."

"OOH! ANOTHER HUMAN! THAT IS SO WONDERFUL!" The Rock Giant started to sob. Large boulders and rocks falling out of its eyes.

"AAAAHHH!" Betty gasped as rocks and boulders fell around them.

"Oh yeah. Rock giants cry rocks," Jake remembered. "Guess I forgot to tell you that. Maybe this isn't so safe for you?"

"YOU THINK?" Bee yelled.

"Jake! Get super big! Now!" Finn yelled as he shielded Bee and cut a rock in half that came towards them.

Jake grew huge until he was as tall as the rock giant. "I'm Giant Jake!"

"Okay now that we're out of the line of fire," Finn let out a breath. "Actually out of the line of rocks…"

"At least we didn't need to cut the onion," Jake shrugged.

"I ALMOST CRUSHED THE LAST HUMANS ON EARTH! WAAAAAHHH!" The Rock Giant wept some more. "I'M A MONSTER!"

"Well at least it'll be easy to collect the rock tears," Jake sighed as he grabbed the barrel from the satchel and filled it up with small rocks.

"You didn't crush us Rock Giant," Finn reassured the creature. "Just some flowers down there."

"OH NO! I CRUSHED SOME **FLOWERS!**" The Rock Giant wailed and more rocks came out of its eyes. "WAAHHH!"

"You weren't kidding about rock giants being sensitive," Bee winced.

"Yeah it's a little embarrassing," Finn sighed.

"Not to mention dangerous," Bee groaned.

Day Seven of Bee moving in.

"Didn't you run an errand for Bubblegum yesterday?" Bee asked as they travelled along a dark cave tunnel. Bee and Finn were carrying flashlights.

"Yeah but she needed something new today," Jake explained as they walked. "Besides this time we can do a nice little dungeon crawl."

"I don't know about this," Bee looked around nervously.

"Bee all we have to do is get some little pink flowers that grow at the bottom of this cave," Finn said. "How hard could that be?"

"Did Bubblegum at least tell you what she wanted the flowers for?" Bee asked as they made their way to the bottom of the cave.

"Uh no," Finn said. "And I didn't ask."

"Finn I don't know how I feel about you routinely risking your life on this missions for Bubblegum that you have no idea what for!" Bee said.

"Well it's gotta be important unless she wouldn't have asked us," Jake protested. "Probably for one of her experiments or something."

"Why can't she use a regular flower in a field then?" Bee asked. "Or get this flower herself?"

"Maybe it's a special flower with healing properties or something?" Finn shrugged. At the bottom of the tunnel they saw a field of pink flowers illuminated by glowing gems in the cave. "See? There we go. Easy as pie."

He walked to the flowers and as soon as he tried to pick one the ground started to shake. "WHOA!" Finn fell backward as the ground rose up.

It appeared that the flowers were on the head of a huge monster with several tentacles and a very big mouth. A very big mouth with very big fangs.

"I think I just figured out the reason Bubblegum didn't want to come herself," Jake said. "WHOA!" He was grabbed by one of the monster's tentacles."

"Easy as pie huh?" Bee yelled as she ran out of the monster's reach. "A pie full of monsters!"

"YIYAAAAAA!" Finn leapt up and cut away with the monster using his demon sword. With several slices he was able to kill the monster and free Jake.

But not before the monster threw up a huge wad of slime. Finn and Jake dodged it. Bee wasn't so lucky. "Ewwwww…" She winced as she was covered in slime.

"Okay the monster's dead and now we got the flowers," Finn picked the flowers off the monster's corpse. "That was fun! Right Bee? Bee?"

Bee glared at Finn and Jake. She was dripping with monster slime. "Yeah fun. Right. If this is your idea of fun I'd hate to see what you consider a **bad time."**

"Yeeesh," Jake winced.

"On a related note, I now know **exactly** how I feel about these errands Bubblegum sends you on," Bee gritted her teeth.


	7. Past And Present

**Past And Present**

Day Eight of Bee moving in:

"Come on Bee. So you had a couple of bad experiences?" Jake pleaded as he and Finn followed Bee into the living room of the tree fort. "Come on! You'll love this dungeon! I promise!"

"I think I'll pass. After yesterday I don't want to be dragged into **another** dungeon," Bee groaned. "In fact if I never see another dungeon in my life I will be very happy!"

"Oh come on Bee it wasn't that bad," Finn said.

"Yes it was. Finn yesterday I had to take three showers and wash my clothes **twice** to get rid of all the slime stains!" Bee snapped. "And I'm still not so sure I got rid of the smell."

"I thought you smelled a little different," Jake said. "It smells nice though."

"If you two want to go run around in a dungeon I guess I can't stop you," Bee sighed. "You obviously can take care of yourselves. But I'm staying here where it's nice and safe and nothing is weird."

Just then the little green man stormed out of one of the holes in the wall carrying a tiny typewriter. He threw it to the ground and repeatedly kicked it. Then he took out a sledgehammer from somewhere and bashed it several times before stomping back into the wall.

"Let me rephrase that…" Bee groaned.

"Oh come on Bee," Finn begged. "Give it one more chance. You'll see."

"Why is it so important for you that I go into these dungeons in the first place?" Bee asked.

"Well for one thing dungeons completely clear your head," Finn said. "Helps you make sense of things you know?"

"No, I don't," Bee said. "Dungeons are scary and cloud up your head with fear and crazy! They're horrible!"

Finn and Jake gasped. "Don't you knock the dungeons lady!" Jake warned.

"Well it's true!" Bee put her hands on her hips. "If I was your mother I'd forbid you from going into dungeons!"

"Well good thing you're **not,"** Finn was angry. "Man I always thought if I found another human that person would be like me! But you're…"

"Well what do you expect Finn? You're a teenage boy and I'm…not," Bee let out an annoyed breath. "I'm older and…Well…I'm just not interested in the same stuff you are."

"It can't just be because you're old," Finn said. "Ice King is way older than you and he likes dungeons."

"Then go explore dungeons with the Ice King!" Bee snapped.

"Geeze Bee you're starting to become a bit of a drip," Jake grumbled.

"Jake ever since I moved in here I've been literally in one dangerous and or crazy situation after another!" Bee gave him a look. "I don't **want **to be in danger or hurt. Can't you understand that?"

"I guess so," Finn relented. "I just thought maybe if the dungeon cleared your head you'd get your memory back faster."

"I don't think a dungeon is going to do that for me," Bee sighed.

"Hmmm…You have a point," Finn sighed. "I'm sorry Bee. I was just so excited going off into dungeons with another human I didn't realize what you wanted."

"What I want is to remember who I am," Bee said. "And being scared out of my wits all the time isn't helping!"

"Hey maybe there's another way to wake up Bee's brain?" Jake said. "We've been going about this all wrong! Bee is like a smart person right? And smart people read a lot of books! And reading books is a smart person's way of adventuring!"

"Where are you going with this Jake?" Finn asked.

"Maybe the best way to make Bee remember isn't with a dungeon but with a book? Like one of the old magic books we found!" Jake remembered. He went over to a shelf filled with books. "Maybe there's a memory spell in here?"

"Magic books?" Bee blinked.

"Yeah like this one," Jake pulled one out. "Although I don't think the spells work in this book. We tried it a couple of times and nothing happened." He walked over and handed it to Bee.

"This isn't a magic book Jake," Bee told him. "This is a book of Nursery Rhymes. It's for children."

"It is?" Finn blinked.

"So basically we were trying to cast a spell that wasn't a spell?" Jake blinked.

"Sounds like it to me," Bee looked through it. "I remember these from when I was a child. But I don't remember my childhood. I mean, these rhymes are familiar…"

"I like this one," Jake pointed. "Mary, Mary quite contrary. How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row."

"Aw that's a nice rhyme," Finn said.

"Actually the rhyme is a reference to Queen Mary of England or often known as Bloody Mary," Bee explained. "The garden is actually a cemetery and she filled them with the bodies of her enemies. The silver bells, cockle shells and pretty maids are actually instruments of torture and beheading."

"Yeeesh," Jake winced.

"What about this one? Little Jack Horner," Finn pointed out. "Jake and I tried sticking our thumbs in holes to make some magic happen."

"It's not a spell," Bee shook her head. "Actually this refers to a nobleman name Thomas Horner who secretly stole some land from the king and got away with it."

"You're kidding," Finn's eyes widened.

"Nope," Bee nodded. "It's true."

"So this children's nursery rhyme is basically telling kids that you can get away with stealing stuff?" Finn was stunned.

"Well yes, technically," Bee said. "At least Horner did."

"O-Kaaaaaaaaaayy," Finn pursed his lips. "How about this one? Ring around the Rosey?"

"That describes plague symptoms and if you have them you're dead," Bee added.

"Eww…" Jake winced. "Try another rhyme."

"Rock a bye baby…" Finn looked at the book. "Okay this one is pretty self-explanatory. Putting a baby in a tree and watching it fall…Weird. What about Peter Pumpkin Eater?"

"That's about divorce and how one guy killed his wife and stuffed her body into a large pumpkin," Bee explained.

"What kind of sicko rhymes are these?" Jake barked. "I mean what kind of parent teaches their kids **these rhymes**? Psychopaths?"

"Obviously," Finn shuddered. "Man this is way worse than a spell book. Even an evil magic book isn't this twisted!"

"No kidding!" Jake agreed as he took the book away from Bee. "At least with a spell book you know what you're getting!" He threw it out the window.

"We need a different book," Finn said.

"One that doesn't teach you how to be evil!" Jake added.

Before Bee could reply the special occasion phone rang. "Who could be calling on the special occasion phone?" Finn asked.

"You have a phone just for special occasions?" Bee blinked.

"Who doesn't?" Jake replied.

Finn answered the phone and an image of Princess Bubblegum was shown. "Hey Finn! Put Bee on! We found something very interesting that might be related to her past."

"Okay," Finn let Bee show herself on the monitor.

"What's going on Princess Bubblegum?" Bee asked.

"We found something fascinating. Banana Man was working on one of his projects near the border of the Badlands when he uncovered a strange dungeon that seems to be filled with artifacts from before the Mushroom War," Bubblegum explained. "I thought you might want to check it out."

"Oh…A dungeon. Great…" Bee groaned.

"Uh Bee doesn't like dungeons very much," Finn explained.

"Really?" Bubblegum blinked. "Oh I mean…I just thought you'd be interested seeing that it is part of your past and…"

"No, no. You're right. I have to go," Bee sighed. "I have to take any chance I can to regain my memory. Even if I have to go into another dungeon."

"All right! This will be great!" Finn whooped.

"Wonderful," Bee rolled her eyes.

It wasn't long before they arrived at the excavation site riding on Jake's back. "Aw yeah! We're gonna explore the past dungeon style!" Jake whooped as they arrived.

"Don't worry Bee," Finn said. "We'll be with you all the way. You'll be totally safe. I promise."

"Thanks Finn," Bee sighed as they got off of Jake and he shrunk back to regular size. "Of course I can't help but remember you made that promise before…"

There were digging equipment and Banana Guards all over the area. Some candy people were there too looking through dirt. Princess Bubblegum in a pink exploration suit and hard hat waved to them. "Hey! Bee! Finn! Jake! Over here!"

They went over to her. Banana Man was standing next to her. "Hey neighbors! Long time no see!" Banana Man said cheerfully.

"Hey Banana Man. Banana Man this is Bee. Bee, Banana Man," Finn said.

"It's very nice to meet you," Bee shook hands with Banana Man.

"Likewise!" Banana Man smiled. "I know I should have come over sooner seeing as we're neighbors but I was so interested in this project! As you know one of my many hobbies is researching pre Mushroom War life and technology."

"I didn't know that," Jake blinked.

"Dude, how do you think he knew how to fix that truck we found?" Finn rolled his eyes. "And the rocket?"

"Oh yeah before we trashed the truck and blew up his rocket," Jake nodded.

"You did what now?" Bee blinked.

"Long story. Water under the bridge," Banana Man waved. "Anyway my sensors in my Finding Stuff Detector picked up a large cavern underneath and with the help of Princess Bubblegum we've unearthed a massive find! Look we even found a few artifacts!"

He pointed to a table and went over to it. "Behold the artifacts! This goblet obviously held great significance in its time!" He showed it to Bee.

"It's a Starbuck's mug," Bee blinked.

"Star-bucks…" Banana Man's eyes went wide as he pronounced the word.

"Starbucks was a coffee chain that also sold pastries and other coffee and tea related items," Bee said. "And now that I think about it, it kind of was important in human society. Unless you drank at Dunkin' Donuts."

"Dunkin' Do-nuts?" Banana Man blinked.

"Another coffee and donut chain," Bee said. "Very popular too."

"So, they were rivals?" Banana Man blinked. "Two warring factions on the opposite sides of the Mushroom War."

"Not on the Mushroom War but yeah they were competitors," Bee explained.

"That explains this old T-shirt I found," Banana Man held up a tattered T-Shirt saying _Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks_. "And this one." It said_ Friends don't let friends drink Dunkin' Donuts. _

"Yeah there was heavy competition between those two companies," Bee said. "Not as bad as the Soda Wars now that I think about it but…"

"Soda Wars?" Finn blinked.

"Wow the past was a lot more violent than I thought," Bubblegum remarked.

"You should hear their nursery rhymes," Jake whispered to her. "Those are **sick!"**

"The Soda Wars were also between rival soda companies and had nothing to do with the Mushroom War," Bee explained. "Well actually I think some of the CEO's backed the weapons companies so…"

"This is so fascinating! More pieces of the puzzle of pre Ooo life!" Banana Man cheered. "Bee, you could help our research so much!"

"Well I guess I have no choice but to help," Bee agreed. "So…Let's see this dungeon thing you found."

"Right this way," Banana Man motioned and they went underground in a cave tunnel accompanied by two Banana Guards. The tunnel was lit by lanterns all along the way. "This is so exciting! I love doing stuff with Finn and Jake and now I have a new friend to do stuff with!"

"It's kind of nice having a new friend too," Bee said. "So you've known Finn and Jake for a while?"

"Oh we've gone way back," Banana Man waved. "I wanted to borrow a cup of sugar once and they blew up my house. I fixed a truck for them and they got me arrested for indecent exposure. Fun times."

"Oh that's…" Bee began. Then she did a double take. "Wait, **what?**"

"What's the story about Bee not liking dungeons?" Bubblegum whispered to Finn as they walked along the tunnel.

"Oh she had some real bad experiences and she's kind of dungeon shy," Finn explained. "And she nearly got crushed when we were collecting tears from the rock giant so…"

"Didn't she know that rock giants cry rocks?" Bubblegum asked.

"No, she didn't," Finn said. "And we kind of forgot to tell her."

"Ah I see…" Bubblegum nodded. "Well some people just don't like dungeon crawling Finn. I guess Bee is one of them.

"That is just so wrong," Finn groaned.

"I don't think so. Think about it. Bee isn't used to Ooo yet and she is a little…older than you," Bubblegum said tactfully.

"You're older than all of us but you like dungeons," Finn said.

"Uh not always," Bubblegum admitted. "And besides Candy People age differently than humans. And Bee isn't as agile as the rest of us. A dungeon is a lot more dangerous for her."

"I didn't think of that," Finn frowned.

"And don't forget she also had that traumatic near death experience so…" Bubblegum said.

"I gotcha. No more dungeons for Bee until she thinks she can handle it," Finn nodded.

"She just needs a little more time to get used to Ooo naturally," Bubblegum said.

"Jake and I were thinking that maybe Bee would like to read some more books," Finn said. "Maybe that will…?"

"We're here!" Banana Man called out. They entered a large cavern that looked like a huge building. They entered what looked like a courtyard with a dried up fountain.

"Whoa look at this dungeon," Finn looked around. "There are treasure rooms everywhere. And they have names on them. May-ceees."

"Barnes and Noble," Bubblegum read another. "Must have been a barn catered to royals. But they got the spelling wrong. Weird."

"This one says Bed, Bath and Beyond," Jake pointed. "What's beyond bed and baths?"

"I don't know. That's part of the mystery of this dungeon," Banana Man whistled.

"It's not a dungeon. It's a mall," Bee looked around. "A collection of stores. It must have sunk underground centuries ago."

"A mall?" Finn blinked.

"Malls were also meeting places for young people and for socializing in something called a food court," Bubblegum added. "Am I right?"

"Yes, you are," Bee nodded. "Wow, it's pretty well preserved considering."

"So these are all stores to sell stuff?" Finn asked. "Cool."

"And they're filled with stuff all over the place!" Banana Man cheered.

"Since all the people who ran the stores are gone I guess its okay that we can take things," Bubblegum thought. "We can use them to study."

"The Barnes and Noble is a book store," Bee explained. "There's a lot about humans and the pre Mushroom War there!"

"Now we're talking!" Bubblegum said. "Finn, Jake. Bee, Banana Man and I are going to check the book store out with the Banana Guards. You two look for monsters."

"There shouldn't be any monsters in the mall," Bee said.

"You never know," Bubblegum said. "After the war life mutated and got pretty cray-cray. Anything could have survived down here."

"If anything did we'll find it and beat it up!" Jake said cheerfully. "Come on Finn."

The two adventurers went off to find some monsters. They only thing they found was boredom. "Man there's a lot of junk in here," Finn grumbled.

"Yeah but it's on sale," Jake remarked. "Let's check out that store over there."

"Huh," Finn looked around. "All kinds of weird junk in here. Whoa! Jake look at this!" He picked up a box and unwrapped it.

"What is it?" Jake took a look. "Magic 8 Ball? What does it do?'

"According to the box it tells the future," Finn looked at the box. "The directions are, ask a question then shake the ball. Will I be a righteous hero one day?"

He shook it. "All signs point to yes!" Finn grinned.

"Big deal! That's not a real question," Jake let out a breath. "Give me that."

"Get your own man," Finn moved to protect his treasure. "There's a whole pile of them over there."

"Okay fine!" Jake barked as he grabbed one for himself and unwrapped it. "Will I be known as the greatest sandwich maker of all time?" He shook it.

Finn read it. "Highly unlikely."

"Aw man!" Jake frowned.

"Magic 8 Ball are my sword fighting skills awesome?" Finn said. "Yes! HA!"

"Let me try again! Magic 8 Ball, am I the most awesome dog that ever lived?" Jake shook the ball. "Concentrate and try again? Okay! Am I the most awesome dog that ever lived?" He shook it harder. "HIGHTLY UNLIKELY! WHAT?"

"Heh, heh…" Finn chuckled.

"Okay I think mine is busted or something," Jake grumbled. He threw his away.

"Magic 8 Ball will we find some really cool treasure down here?" Finn shook the ball. "It is certain. See? I got the good ball!"

"Dude you're asking it all the easy questions!" Jake said. "Of course we're gonna cool stuff down here! We found these didn't we? And Banana Man found stuff."

"Okay so we'll ask it some different questions," Finn said.

"Fine! But they're gonna be harder," Jake said. "Magic 8 Ball! Should Finn…cluck like a chicken?"

"What?" Finn yelled. "Don't ask it that man!"

"And the answer is…" Jake grabbed the 8 ball and shook it. "Most definitely yes!"

"Well if the 8 ball says I should," Finn shrugged. "Cluck! Cluck! Clu-uuuuck!"

"He, he, he…" Jake laughed. "You're right Finn this is the good ball!"

"Oh yeah?" Finn took the 8 ball back. "Magic 8 Ball…should Jake change shape into kitty cat!"

"No way man I hate cats!" Jake protested while Finn shook the ball.

"Yes!" Finn laughed as he showed him the answer.

"Did you shake that ball hard enough?" Jake put his hands on his sides.

"Can't argue with the 8 ball!" Finn grinned.

"Okay fine…" Jake changed shape to look like a cat. "I am not going to meow."

"Should Jake meow?" Finn shook the ball. "No."

"Ha!" Jake smirked.

"Should Jake cluck like a chicken?" Finn shook again. "Most definitely yes!"

"Aw man, I stink at this," Jake groaned.

"Come on Jake," Finn grinned.

"Fine. Cluck, cluck, cluck…" Jake grumbled.

Finn laughed. "Okay now we're really going to put this baby to the test!" Jake changed back to this regular form.

"Bring it on!" Finn grinned.

Meanwhile not that far away Bubblegum, Banana Man and Bee and the Banana Guards emerged from the bookstore carrying books. "I can't believe how many books were preserved," Bubblegum said happily.

"Yeah but some of them had some real big teeth marks on them," Banana Man said in a worried tone. "Like something tried to eat them."

"Haven't seen anything so far which is a good sign," Bubblegum said. "Besides I'm sure if there is trouble that Finn and Jake can handle it."

"Finn I found some books for you to read," Bee said. "I really think you might like this one. It's called The Hobbit by…" She looked around. "Where did he go?"

The sound of laughter was heard. "Okay here I go!" Jake had grown larger and had turned his bottom legs into a corkscrew and was jumping up and down."

"Jake! Stop! What are you doing?" Bubblegum yelled as they ran up to them. "You're going to cause a…"

RRRRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBLEEEEEEEEE!

"Cave in…" Bubblegum groaned as pieces of the ceiling started to fall down.

"AAAH!" Bee yelled as some very large pieces of rock fell towards her.

"Bee!" Finn realized what was going on. He leapt to save her using his sword.

The next thing he knew he was climbing out of a huge mound of dirt and rocks. "Whoa…What happened?"

"You and Jake caused a cave in!" Bee shouted. She had been knocked down and some dirt had covered her. A wall of dirt and rock surrounded them. "What were you thinking?"

"Hold on. Will we get out of this cavern?" Finn shook the 8 Ball and read. "Concentrate and ask again. All right." He closed his eyes and thought.

"What are you **doing**?" Bee shouted.

"What the Magic 8 Ball told me to," Finn shrugged.

"WHAT?" Bee yelled.

"You see Jake and I found these magic balls and we decided…" Finn began.

"These aren't magic Finn. They're **toys**!" Bee shouted in exasperation. She grabbed the 8 Ball and broke it open by throwing it against the ground. "See? It's nothing more than water with blue dye and a dice with words inside! It's totally random!"

"So Jake could still be a famous sandwich maker?" Finn blinked. Bee glared at him. "Okay, okay I messed up! We can still get out of here. See there's a cavern over there."

"It's a store. Not a cavern," Bee sighed. "But maybe we can find something because if we're not careful our air could run out and we could suffocate!"

"And that's bad right?" Finn blinked.

"I **knew** this was a bad idea!" Bee groaned. "This is why I **hate** dungeons! And this isn't even a real dungeon! This is…"

A strange noise was heard. "Please tell me that was Jake trying to rescue us," Bee blinked.

"Uh Jake? Is that you…?" Finn asked nervously even though he had a sinking feeling it wasn't.

Something with huge teeth and a huge snout burst through the walls. "Bee! Look out!" Finn shoved Bee away when something hit him hard on his head.

And then everything went dark for a moment.

Finn opened his eyes. He was in the Candy Kingdom. "How'd I get here?" He looked around.

"Finn…"

Finn turned around and saw Billy, his hero standing there. The Cosmic Owl was flying above him. "Billy? Is that you?" Finn blinked. "Whoa you've got the Cosmic Owl with you!"

"Finn I haven't got much time," Billy said. "A great danger to Ooo is coming. It has already begun."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked. Suddenly an explosion was heard behind him. "WHOA!" He saw fire everywhere and a huge mushroom cloud covering the Candy Kingdom.

"The past and the present are colliding," Billy said. "And if they are not stopped there will be no future. The fire that burned the world will return. Only this time there will be no rebirth. No second chances."

"You're saying there's going to be another Mushroom War?" Finn gasped. "Well how do I stop it?"

"You don't," Billy shook his head. "But you can help the one destined to stop it."

"So who is it?" Finn asked.

"Three must become one and one must become two in order for two to become one," The Cosmic Owl said. "Only then will the first hero of Ooo return."

"Is this some kind of math problem?" Finn blinked.

"Remember Finn you and your friends need to help the First Hero," Billy said. "Or else everything will be lost!" Just then a huge wall of fire separated them.

"BILLY! BILLY!" Finn tried to go to him but the wall of fire separated them. "Too hot! Billy!"

"Finn! Finn! FINN WAKE UP NOW! SERIOUSLY!"

"Huh…?" Finn groggily opened his eyes. He was lying on a treasure pile filled with coins, jewelry and all sorts of odds and ends.

"Get away! Get away!" Bee was defending Finn using an old hockey stick against four giant rats the size of Volkswagens.

"BEE!" Finn woke up.

"Giant rats!" Bee screamed as she tried to fight one off as it broke her hockey stick. "Really big giant rats!"

"Now this I can handle!" Finn readied his grass sword and got up. Just as one rat knocked Bee back, Finn jumped in front to save her. "Who wants some? Come and get it!"

"I **hate** it when dinner fights back!" A giant rat hissed as Finn cut its paw with his sword. "OW!"

"I **told** you we should have killed them immediately Herb!" One giant rat shouted angrily in a shrill female voice. "But noooooo! You just had to keep them fresh because you're a gourmet!"

"Well forgive me if I like my food to taste good!" Herb snapped.

"We're nobody's food!" Finn yelled as he swung his sword around. "AAAAHHH!"

"AAH MY WHISKERS!" Another rat yelled as his whiskers were cut off. "THOSE TOOK FOREVER TO GROW!"

"You just **had** to have human tonight didn't you?" The female giant rat yelled. "No forget the candy person and the bananas and the dog! Nooooo! That wasn't tasty enough for you! You went right for the humans!"

"It's been a long time and I had a craving!" Herb yelled.

"CRAVE MY SWORD OF JUSTICE!" Finn shouted as he leapt up and used his sword to kill Herb.

"See, **that's **what happens when you're a picky eater!" The fourth rat said to the other surviving two.

"Get out of here!" Bee was throwing coins and anything she could grab from the treasure pile at the rats. "OUT! OUT!"

"OW! OW!" The second rat groaned. "Great! Now we're being assaulted by our own treasure pile! Thanks a lot Herb!"

"He's dead!" The female rat snarled. "No big loss. Actually I was thinking about leaving the jerk anyway. So…"

"And now you and I don't have to sneak around and be together! OW!" The Fourth rat snarled. "You know what? This is all Herb's fault! Let's forget these humans and eat him instead!"

"Yeah that female looks a bit too old anyway," The second rat agreed as he started to tug away Herb's body.

"WHAT?" At this comment Bee threw another handful of coins. "I'll show **you** old!"

"OW! FORGET THIS! LET'S GO!" The female rat yelled as the rats scurried off down a large hole carrying their dead comrade and soon to be dinner.

"And don't come back!" Finn raised his fist.

"That was very disturbing," Bee groaned as she sat down, tired. "And you wonder why I don't like dungeons?"

"Bee, you saved me," Finn realized.

"Well of course I did!" Bee snapped. "As mad as you make me sometimes I just couldn't let you get eaten."

"Sorry I got you into this mess," Finn sighed as he sat next to her. "Wow Bee. You were pretty hard core against those rats."

"I was just acting mostly on instinct," Bee was breathing hard. "I've never done anything like that before. At least I'm pretty sure I haven't."

"Okay Bee. No more going into dungeons for you," Finn said. "I promise."

"Technically this is still a mall and I wanted to come this time to find out more about my past," Bee groaned. "Just promise me you'll be more careful in the future."

"I promise. Hero's honor," Finn told her. "Now we gotta find a way out of here."

Just then the wall of dirt next to them crumbled. "Found them!" Jake pulled back his oversized hand.

"Oh thank goodness you two are okay!" Bubblegum gasped. She was covered with dirt as well as Jake. "When Jake smelled rats I was worried."

"Yeah but it's cool," Finn said as he stood up. "Bee and I took care of them and we were just about to look for a way out."

"Hear that! I saved the day!" Jake grinned.

"After you put us all in jeopardy in the first place!" Bubblegum snapped.

"Uh I was kind of hoping you'd have forgotten about that," Jake scratched his head.

"Not for a **long time**!" Bubblegum glared at the dog.

"Where's Banana Man?" Bee looked around.

"Oh right. He must still be buried alive," Jake blinked. "Forgot about him."

"WHAT?" Bee yelled as she stood up.

"We found him!" A Banana Guard called out.

"I'm okay…" Banana Man was heard weakly. "Ooh I think I have a concussion!"

"Okay is it just me or does it seem like every time those two meet up with Banana Man, Banana Man is the one who suffers?" Bee groaned as she pointed to Finn and Jake.

"You're not the first one who's thought that," Bubblegum agreed.

"Oh that reminds me," Finn spoke up. "Prubbs I had this dream from Billy and the Cosmic Owl! They gave me a prophecy!"

"Who's Billy and the Cosmic Owl?" Bee asked.

"Who's the **Cosmic Owl?"** Jake repeated incredulously. "Billy I get but…Who's the _Cosmic Owl_? He's like only one of the most important spiritual beings ever!"

"The Cosmic Owl is a supernatural being that often appears in prophetic dreams," Bubblegum explained. "While I usually don't take much stock in dream prophecies, there have been plenty of documented cases of the Cosmic Owl. And the accuracy of the dreams it appears in is too high to ignore. Sometimes these prophecies are rather significant. Finn what exactly happened in your dream?"

"Well it started off with Billy saying that the past and the present are colliding and if it isn't stopped there isn't gonna be any future," Finn remembered. "He was in my dream too. And that a big fire was going to come back and burn the world if we didn't stop it."

"That's pretty significant," Jake's eyes widened.

"And then the Cosmic Owl said three has to become one and one must become two in order for two to become one," Finn added.

"Are you sure you have that right?" Bubblegum gave him a look.

"His exact words. Swear to Glob," Finn said. "And then he said only after that happens will the first hero of Ooo return to save us. And then there was fire. A lot of it."

"Well that's **helpful**," Bubblegum frowned. "That could mean anything. And I already knew from my data that there's a high chance that the Candy Kingdom could be threatened again. As for the fire maybe Cinnamon Bun is gonna burn the Candy Kingdom again? Or the Lich will escape and attack? Or Flame Princess…"

"Oh come on PB you don't really think Flame Princess would do that," Finn frowned.

"You have to admit Finn when it comes to fire she's the most likely suspect," Bubblegum pointed out. "Or her father. Maybe her father will take back power in a coup and attack the Candy Kingdom? That seems the most logical."

"I dunno," Jake thought. "Flame Princess is pretty powerful and her subjects actually like her better than Flame King."

"They fear her more than Flame King," Bubblegum corrected. "What confuses me is that math problem."

"Really because usually I'm the one who has trouble with math. Right Bee?" Finn looked around. "Bee?"

"What's this?" Bee noticed something in the treasure pile. She went over and picked it up.

"Looks like a necklace of some kind," Finn blinked. It was a gold choker with pointed prongs and a ruby oval gem in the middle.

"Okay this was worth the trip," Bee's eyes shone with delight.

Finn's eyes grew wide. "Jake…Women are weird."

"True dat bro," Jake shrugged.


	8. Dungeon Of Lost Dreams

**Dungeon of Lost Dreams **

It all started when Finn and Jake were out adventuring one day. Bee was having a tea party with Princess Bubblegum, Lady Rainicorn, Jake Jr., Lumpy Space Princess and several other princesses outside the tree house. Bee had found a nice green dress with some green shoes and a simple gold necklace to wear for the occasion. She had also braided her long hair down the back.

"This is just lovely tea Bee," Slime Princess said as she took a sip. "So how are you adjusting to Ooo?"

"Well I'm getting used to it," Bee said as she drank some tea. "I've been here almost two weeks. By the way, thank you very much Bubblegum for giving me that book on the adaptations of neural membranes in Post Mushroom War inhabitants. It was very informative."

"You're welcome. You read that already?" Bubblegum was surprised.

"I couldn't put it down," Bee said. "Are there any other books like that?"

"Quite a few. I must admit it's nice to talk to someone who understands science," Bubblegum told her. "You've even given me a few ideas for research studies."

"I've been jotting down a few ideas myself," Bee admitted. "In between tutoring Finn."

"How exactly is that going?" Jake Jr. asked. "I'm not saying Finn is stupid or anything but uh…He's sort of…Uh what's the word I'm thinking of?"

"Simple?" Slime Princess suggested.

"More of a man of action and not a thinking man?" Wildberry Princess asked.

"Dumb?" LSP spoke up.

"No! I mean…" Jake Jr. groaned. "Well maybe he is a _little_ dumb?"

"He's not dumb. He's just…needs tutoring," Bee said tactfully then took a sip of tea. "A **lot **of tutoring…"

"Did you actually **teach** him anything yet?" Bubblegum asked.

"Well I finally was able to get him to count to a hundred properly and he now knows that acids and bases don't mix in science," Bee sighed. "And I got him to promise to stop biting rocks and trees."

"Well that's more than what I was able to teach him so…"Bubblegum shrugged.

"Does he have some kind of ADH disorder or…?" Bee asked.

"More like dungeons and magic on the brain disorder," Bubblegum sighed. "You have to understand that Finn was raised by dogs. And while dogs are loyal, brave and good, they aren't exactly the most intellectual species as a rule."

Bubblegum looked at Jake Jr. "Oops. Sorry. No offense to your dog heritage."

"None taken," Jake Jr. waved. "My dad isn't exactly the smartest representative of his species. Fortunately his heart is bigger than his brain so that makes up for it. But all the same I'm pretty glad I'm half rainicorn. Then again I also don't have any urges to eat human flesh. I guess me and my siblings got the best of both backgrounds."

"Wait did you say **eat human flesh**?" Bee did a double take.

"Yeah a lot of rainicorns think human flesh is a delicacy. Kind of also a factor of why there aren't that many humans around now," Jake Jr. admitted. "Sorry about that. But I, my Mom and my brothers and sisters would never do that. Eating sentient species is just so wrong."

"That's a relief," Bee groaned. "I think…"

_ (That's what attracted me to Jake was his good heart and his willingness to love. However, as much as I love Jake, he doesn't always think things through,)_ Lady shrugged.

"Huh?" Bee blinked.

"She said she loves Jake for his good heart but he doesn't always think things through," Bubblegum translated. "Do you know any other languages besides English?"

"I remember some Spanish and for some reason I know a little Russian but that's about it," Bee sighed. "I really thought my memory would come back by now."

"Don't worry. I'm pretty sure your memory will return in time," Bubblegum said. "I think your memory loss is probably due to your accident."

"I can't even remember if it was an accident or what I was doing before…" Bee shook her head. "Everything's all a blur. I remember what life was like before the Mushroom War but I don't remember what I did in it."

"Maybe I should work on a memory restoration machine?" Bubblegum thought. "That could be helpful."

_ (Doesn't BMO have a memory regression program downloaded into his data files_?) Lady Rainicorn asked. _(I remember giving Jake that program.) _

"Memory regression programs only work on past lives for some reason," Bubblegum explained. "We need something to help Bee while she's still alive. I must have something on restoring memories in my files."

"Thanks Bubblegum. I appreciate any help," Bee sighed. "It's awful not knowing who you are or what you were."

"This is so like that soap opera in Lumpy Space," LSP spoke up. "All My Lumps. When Danica got amnesia on her wedding day and got lost and her fiancé Templeton Tempest got stood up at the altar and he didn't know what happened to Danica. And Danica decided to call herself Bernice and ended up working as a cocktail waitress in this bar owned by this mysterious but dashing Mob Boss named Mark Matterson. And Bernice fell for Mark but then Templeton came into the bar and he found his Danica but before he could tell her who she was he got into a fight with Mark and Mark hit him on the head and then Templeton got amnesia and…"

"We get the idea LSP," Slime Princess interrupted with a groan.

"It's a good soap opera!" SLP snapped. "It's better than Days of Our Slime."

"You take that back!" Slime Princess snapped. "Days of our Slime is one of the oldest most respected soap operas in Ooo!"

"Yeah cause like most of the cast is like over a hundred," LSP rolled her eyes.

"Not anymore! They have a lot of new characters!" Slime Princess said. "Like the hunky Ramondo Ramanya who makes Templeton Tempest look like a sissy!"

"You that that back!" LSP snapped. "Templeton Tempest has like the most perfect lumps a guy could have ever!"

"Oh please! His character whines all the time and gets amnesia with just a simple bump on the head!" Slime Princess snapped. "At least when Ramondo got amnesia he got it after his car went off a cliff and blew up and he almost drowned after being nearly eaten by those slime crocodiles!"

"Slime crocodiles? In the _ocean_? Seriously?" LSP scoffed. "Yeah there's some real genius writing on **that show**! That's so totally not unrealistic **at all!"**

"Yeah well at least it's not as dumb as when the police station on All My Lumps catches on fire every other week!" Slime Princess snapped.

"It does not catch on fire every other week!" LSP snapped. "Only during sweeps!"

"I thought we all agreed that we wouldn't talk about soap operas anymore?" Bubblegum groaned. "Especially after the brawl that damaged my castle the **last time**?"

"You're both wrong," Muscle Princess spoke up. "Big Muscles tops them all!"

"Oh come on!" LSP and Slime Princess snapped. Soon all the other princesses were arguing over their favorite soap operas. Leaving Lady, Jake Jr., Bubblegum and Bee to watch in stunned silence.

_ (Ai ya, here we go again,)_ Lady groaned.

"I can see why you would need someone else to talk to about science," Bee remarked to Bubblegum.

"It seems like dogs aren't the **only ones** around here that could use a little more intelligence, huh Princess?" Jake Jr. smirked.

"I can't believe we have to constantly argue about how lame All My Lumps is!" Slime Princess faced off with LSP. "I mean come on! I mean that mysterious Mark Matterson guy just showed up one day."

"Well at least it's not as stupid as how Days of Our Slime got rid of that actor that was arrested for trying to set fire to his wife!" LSP snapped. "Teleported to another dimension? Like that could happen in real life!"

"It could," Slime Princess shrugged.

"Could not!" LSP snapped.

"Could too!" Slime Princess snapped.

It was at that moment a blinding light shone in the sky. It hit Bee. "AAAAH!" Bee gasped as she seemed to be lifted into the air and in a flash she was gone.

"BEE!" Bubblegum gasped.

"Okay that was like totally weird," LSP blinked.

"Told you it could happen," Slime Princess huffed.

"What happened?" Hot Dog Princess gasped.

"She's gone!" Wildberry Princess was stunned. "Wait humans can't teleport can they?"

"As a rule, no. Oh this is not good," Bubblegum gulped.

"Definitely not good," Jake Jr. admitted.

"Finn is not going to be happy with this," Slime Princess realized.

"Yeah you lost the only other human in Ooo," Muscle Princess blinked.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME?" Bubblegum shouted.

Meanwhile…

"Where am I?" Bee looked around. She had landed in some kind of crystal like cavern with carvings all over the walls.

"Oh no! No! No!" A familiar yelled startled her. She turned around and saw the Ice King standing next to a strange statue of some kind. The statue was made of glowing blocks of crystals with a pyramid on top with a heart carved into it.

"HOW COULD YOU SCREW UP MY WISH LIKE THIS YOU DEFECTIVE PIECE OF JUNK?" The Ice King yelled at the statue and kicked it. Of course it being hard it hurt his foot. "OW! OW! OW!"

"Ice King! What's going on?" Bee snapped as she stood up. "Did you do this?"

"Yes! No! Not exactly!" The Ice King stopped hopping around. "This is supposed to be the fabled Wishing Statue of Why. What it **should** be called is Why This Statue Messes Up Wishes?!"

"I'm going to make a guess," Bee sighed. "You made a wish on this thing and it went wrong?"

"Another hit on the cruel joke that is my life!" The Ice King wailed to the sky. "All I wanted was to find my perfect princess to share my life with me and I get some woman I hardly even know who isn't a princess!"

"No offense," Ice King looked apologetic when he realized what he said.

"None taken," Bee waved. "This thing is obviously defective."

"Stupid piece of junk," Ice King grumbled. "How am I ever going to get a princess to love me now?"

"Here's a crazy idea, stop kidnapping them," Bee gave him a look.

"What have you heard?" Ice King asked.

"A lot," Bee told him.

"I don't really kidnap them!" Ice King waved. "I rescue them from their hum drum lives of royalty. You think being a royal is easy? Wrong! It's a lot of tedious boredom! I put fun and adventure back into their lives!"

"I don't think they want **that kind** of fun and adventure," Bee sighed. "But that's beside the point now. Take me back to the tree house now."

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

The walls shifted and changed around them. "What is going on now?" Bee gasped as she saw several holes open in the walls.

"Oh yeah that's part of the spell," Ice King blinked. "Apparently we have to go through the dungeon as some kind of bonding exercise to awaken our love."

"WHAT?" Bee yelled.

"It sounded like a good idea at the time! Bonding by a shared sense of adventure and danger. Awakening lost dreams of love and all that jazz," Ice King waved and pointed at the statue. "How was I supposed to know this piece of junk was gonna mess it up?"

"What is it with this place and dungeons?" Bee grumbled. "I thought it was just Finn at first because he's kid and Jake because he acts like a kid. Every other sentence I hear around here is about dungeons!"

"You don't like dungeons?" Ice King blinked innocently.

"NO!" Bee shouted. "They're dangerous and scary! And reckless! Running around some unknown scary place to find what? Something that isn't worth a person's life or time! It sounds ridiculous to me!"

"Aww, it's just a little dungeon," Ice King waved. "How bad could it be?"

"RARRRRRRRR!"

"AAAAH!" The Ice King jumped into Bee's arms. "What was **that?**"

"You are such a child," Bee gave him a look before dropping him. "Scratch that. Children are more **mature** than you are!"

"Rarrrrr…" A small little white kitten emerged from the shadows.

"Oh silly me," Ice King giggled. "Being scared of a cute little…"

Just then the kitten's body seemed to split in half from the back. Out of the kitten came a huge black monster with very sharp teeth and very big fangs. "RUN!" Bee yelled.

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Ice King agreed as the two of them ran down a tunnel.

The monster roared and chased them down a corridor. "Can't you just freeze that thing or something?" Bee panted as they ran.

"Oh yeah! I can!" Ice King remembered. "ICE!" He turned around and used his powers to freeze the monster.

"Not…cool man…" The Monster gasped as it found it was frozen solid. "Come on! I'm just…doing my job!"

"Which way out of here?" Bee shouted.

"If I knew the way out you think I'd be here?" The monster groaned. "BRRR!"

"Come on," Ice King waved. "We're going to have to find our way out ourselves. Let's try this way!"

"Uh guys? Little help?" The Monster gulped. They left him behind. "I really hate this job."

"I am really beginning to **hate** dungeons!" Bee shouted as they walked through the corridors of the dungeon.

"I like anything that has me interacting with people!" Ice King said cheerfully.

They entered a large stone room with all sorts of tablets on the walls. The door closed behind them trapping them in.

"Now what?" Bee groaned.

"I think it's a puzzle room," Ice King scratched his head. "We have to move the tiles around to open the way out."

"All right. Let me try this. I think if I can use logic…" Bee started to move the tiles around.

"Ooh! A puzzle! Let me try!" The Ice King tried to touch one of the tiles.

"No!" Bee slapped his hand away. "You've done enough! I'll do it!"

"Aww…" The Ice King's eyes went big.

"Now if we just move this over here," Bee went to work. "And this over here. We make this pattern which…"

Several tiles then moved and opened up. "Lets out a huge man eating plant monster?!" Bee screamed as something green with huge teeth poked its head out and roared.

"ICE!" Ice King froze the head and it went back inside the hole. The hole disappeared and the tiles replaced themselves. "You okay?"

"Define okay…" Bee panted, her hand on her heart. "I really hate dungeons!"

"Let me try!" Ice King cheerfully played with the tiles. This time a door opened up. "Abra-ca-dabra Baby!"

"Wait a minute!" Bee did a double take. "That's the exact same pattern I did before!"

"Uh not quite! See this left corner here goes last. You put it in before that," Ice King pointed. "It's not just placement of the puzzle pieces, its timing. I've had a lot of experience with puzzles like these. This is definitely a Wiz Puzzle so…"

Bee glared at him. "What? I tried to tell you but you wouldn't let me!" Ice King defended.

Bee sighed. "Are you sure it's safe?" Ice King made a non-committal noise and shrugged. "Fine. Let's go." They went through the doorway.

"You sound mad Bee. Are you mad Bee?" Ice King asked as they walked down the tunnel.

"Why would I be **mad?**" Bee said sarcastically. "After you kidnapped me…"

"Accidentally kidnapped you," Ice King corrected. "I was going for a princess."

"Okay **accidentally kidnapped** me!" Bee snapped. "Instead of being safe at the tree house and having tea I'm once again in a dungeon fighting for my life! Yeah! I'm **great!"**

"You aren't great are you?" Ice King blinked. "Aw come on Bee. Don't be mad. I said I was sorry and I'll get you out of here. I promise. Royal promise!"

"I just want to be safe and not in a dungeon and have everything normal again!" Bee groaned. "Or at the very least as close as I can get to normal."

"Oh don't be that way Bee. Think of this as an adventure," Ice King told her. "I know you're mad now but after this is over…"

"After this is over odds are I'm going to end up in **another dungeon** nearly getting killed!" Bee interrupted.

"Don't think of it as nearly getting killed," Ice King said. "Think of it as having a little spice in your life. That's kind of what I do for princesses anyway."

"Yeah right," Bee groaned. "Where does this tunnel lead?"

"I mean think about it, Bubblegum almost never leaves her science lab or kingdom," Ice King waved. "If it wasn't for me she'd be in there all her life and never get out! Once I forgot to go after her and she was shut in her lab for over ten weeks! Even Peppermint Butler tried to get a suitor for her but that ended in disaster!"

"Jake told me about the Braco incident," Bee remembered. "She didn't even give the guy a chance did she?"

"No, she did not! That's her problem! She closes the door to all her emotions because she thinks it's for the greater good but it wasn't for her good!" Ice King explained. "She really thinks being alone is the best thing for her kingdom? Trust me, it's not. I know from experience."

"Maybe but that doesn't give you the right to kidnap theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem!" Bee yelled as she fell through a trap door.

"Bee!" Ice King dove through the trap door and caught Bee. "Gotcha! Funny how you keep falling for me? Get it? **Falling**? Uh…Bee?"

"Just put me **down,**" Bee glared at him.

"Uh…Tough crowd," Ice King floated to the floor and put her down.

"Now where are we?" Bee looked around. They were in some kind of mushroom forest. "I think we go this way." They went off.

"Look I'm really sorry about this Bee," Ice King said in a genuine apologetic tone. "You're a nice lady and you deserve nice lady things. Not my stupid junk. I know I do bad things sometimes but I really can't help it. It's like there are voices in my head. Some tell me what to do and others tell me what not to do and it gets really confusing because they both yell at the same time and it really hurts. So sometimes I do the first thing I think of just to shut up both voices and hope it doesn't backfire on me."

They kept walking. "It's really bad when I'm all alone," Ice King sighed. "I'm lonely. I mean I know I have the penguins but you know they're not exactly great conversationalists. I try to hang out with my bros Finn and Jake but…Well you know kids these days? Always wanting to do their own thing instead of hanging out with and old guy like me."

"Sometimes I even pick fights just so someone will talk to me or touch me or anything…" Ice King admitted sheepishly. "Even getting hit is better than being alone."

"No it's not," Bee told him. She let out a breath. "I know you didn't mean to kidnap me."

"I'm really sorry," Ice King apologized again, his eyes getting big and tears forming in them. "All I want is someone to be with me. To talk to me. I just don't want to be alone anymore. Just one person to love me. That's not so much to ask for is it?"

"No but you're going about it the wrong way," Bee said. "You have to be nicer. Not to do…The things you do. Do you understand Ice King? Ice King?"

The Ice King had collapsed on the ground. "So…hot…" He moaned as he lay face down. "Can't move. That's it. I'm gonna die."

"It's a little warm but…" Bee noticed.

"Well it's like a sauna for me and I can't even use my powers…" Ice King moaned. "Too hot. Too humid. Can't walk."

"Look the door is right down there. I can see it. It's not that far," Bee pointed.

"Too hot…hot…" Ice King moaned.

"What do you want me to do? Carry you?" Bee asked.

To this Ice King made a whimper. "You have got to be **kidding me?" **Bee groaned. "Now I know why Finn and Jake are always so annoyed with you!"

"That's it…carry me like a pretty, pretty princess…" The Ice King warbled as Bee dragged him out of the room by his beard.

"Why is this happening to me?" Bee moaned.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"All right Jake Jr. I'll let you know if anything happens on our end," Bubblegum reported on her communicator. She and Lumpy Space Princess were standing outside Finn's tree house.

"No sign of Bee huh?" LSP asked.

"No, and I'm really getting worried," Bubblegum groaned. "It happened so fast I couldn't calculate the trajectory of the teleportation beam or whatever it was that grabbed Bee."

"Finn is not going to be happy we lost Bee," LSP said.

"YOU THINK?" Bubblegum snapped. She saw Finn and Jake approaching the tree house. "Oh no…"

"This will not be good," LSP said.

"Just let me handle this okay?" Bubblegum hissed.

"Hey Bubblegum! LSP!" Finn waved as he and Jake bounded over.

"Boy did we have a real good day of adventuring!" Jake barked. "We found this real cool dungeon and got some neat weapons!"

"I found these nun chucks made of silver," Finn showed them. "And another demon blood sword!"

"That's nice," Bubblegum said hesitantly.

"And I also found a bracelet Bee might like. Where is she anyway? Back at the tree house?" Finn asked.

"Uh Finn we need to talk," Bubblegum gulped. "You see…?"

"Hey all," Marceline floated by. "Long time no see."

"Marceline? Where have you been?" Finn asked. "Haven't seen you in over a month."

"Oh I thought I'd get out and explore Ooo for a bit on my own," Marceline waved. "Visit one or two of my vampire subjects and jam with them. You know how it is. Love being a vampire. So cool."

"Vampire…Vampire! Wait! Marceline can see into a person's memories with her vampire powers!" Finn realized. "Sham-wow! Why didn't we think of this **before?**"

"Mostly because she wasn't here before," Jake pointed out.

"Think of what before?" Marceline asked.

"Marceline we found another human. A human woman but she has amnesia," Finn explained.

"Really? So those rumors are true? And not some bunk Choose Goose just made up for his rhymes?" Marceline asked.

"Yeah, but she can't remember anything," Jake nodded. "And we've tried dungeons and stuff but that don't work."

"To be fair that's the only thing you really tried," Bubblegum pointed out.

"But if Marceline can use her vampire powers to unlock her memories then she'd not only know who she is," Finn rummaged around in his backpack. "She could remember more stuff about life before the Mushroom War and other humans! Here's her picture."

"I took it after the dungeon incident with Banana Man the other day," Jake explained as Finn took out a picture and handed it to Marceline.

"That is a good plan," Bubblegum admitted. "If Marceline could unlock her memories then we'd know who she is and where she came from."

"I already know who she is," Marceline looked at the picture.

"You do? Have you met her before?" Finn was surprised.

"No, but I have seen her picture before," Marceline sighed. "Even though she looks older now I remember."

"Where did you see her picture before?" Bubblegum asked.

"From Simon," Marceline said simply.

"Simon? Who's Simon?" LSP asked.

"Simon as in…?" Finn's jaw dropped.

"Yeah. This is definitely her all right," Marceline nodded.

"Her? You mean she's…**Betty**?" Finn gasped.

"Wait she's **that** Betty?" Jake's jaw dropped. "Simon Petrikov's fiancée Betty?"

"Who the math is Simon Petrikov?" LSP snapped.

"No freaking way!" Bubblegum gasped. "Do you know what the odds of that happening are? Like a bazillion to negative one! It's just impossible!"

"The odds of **what **happening?" LSP threw up her hands.

"You think they know who each other are?" Jake realized. "Okay I mean I know he doesn't remember anything but does Betty…?"

"I don't think so. I think Simon changed right after she left him," Marceline shook her head. "At least that's what he told me."

"Before **who **became **what now**?" LSP shouted. "AGGGH! Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?"

"Don't you remember what was on those tapes we watched last year?" Jake asked.

"We didn't play that tape last year," Bubblegum reminded him. "She didn't see it."

"Oh right," Jake realized.

"See **what?**" LSP snapped.

"We'll explain later," Finn said. "Right now we need to find Bee and get Marceline to help her regain her memories. Where is Bee…I mean Betty anyway?"

"Oh right. Uh Bee or Betty or whatever her name is got teleported away for some weird reason," LSP told them.

"What do you mean by teleported away?" Finn asked.

"Yeah we meant to tell you that first before the whole Betty thing," Bubblegum groaned. "Here's what happened…"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I think we're going further down," Bee frowned as she and the Ice King wandered into another tunnel. "I know I'm going to regret asking this but Ice King can your magic help us in any way out of this place?"

"Uh…" Ice King thought. "Nope."

"That's what I thought," Bee sighed. "I must be desperate to ask for **magic** to help us."

"What's wrong with magic?" Ice King asked.

"Magic isn't real," Bee said. "It's just unexplained science."

"Of course magic is real," Ice King scoffed. "I'm a wizard. I should know."

"Uh huh…" Bee groaned.

"You sound a lot like Bubblegum. She's a nice girl but when it comes to magic she's got problems," Ice King shook his head.

"Maybe it's because a **wizard** constantly kidnaps her all the time?" Bee raised an eyebrow. "That could have something to do with it."

"Nah, she's had this thing about magic even before we started going out," Ice King waved.

"Before you started to stalk her you mean?"

"There's a difference?" Ice King blinked.

"Oh brother," Bee groaned.

"Sister I've seen the view from both sides of the fence and let me tell you the grass isn't necessarily greener," Ice King said. "In fact in a lot of cases there's nothing but crabgrass and dry root if you get my drift."

"Honestly I have no idea what you are talking about," Betty sighed. "Which reinforces my belief that there isn't such a thing as magic but if there was it must rot your brain."

"Well who says magic and science are two different things?" Ice King asked. "Maybe magic is science and science is magic? Huh? Huh? Ever think of that?"

"No because…" Bee stopped.

"What if you could combine science and magic? Combine the two into one and make it into a perfect harmony!" Ice King asked. "Two halves of a whole! The plural of half is whole! Think of it!"

"I'm thinking you are **out of your mind,"** Bee winced and rubbed her head. "And I'm thinking I really should have listened to what everyone says about you."

"Come on sweetheart! Open your mind and let the possibilities flow through 'em!" Ice King waved his arms and danced around. _"Free your mind! Don't be science or magic blind! DA DA DA!" _

"Don't call me…AAAAAHH!" Bee fell through a trap door as she tried to walk away from him.

"Whoa!" Ice King saw her fall and flew down after her. He caught her just before she hit the floor of the dungeon. "Whoopsie!"

They landed on the floor gently. Bee looked around and saw the familiar cavern and statue. "Wait how can we be right back where we started when we went…?" Bee pointed one way. And I fell…" She looked around. "AAAGGGGGHHH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

"Bee?" Ice King blinked as Bee broke away from him and started to stomp around the room in anger.

"This does not make any sense! Nothing scientific about this! It doesn't make any sense!" Bee yelled as she kicked the wall then fell backwards on her behind. "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! HOW DOES THIS WORK? WHY DOES EVERYTHING CONTRADICT EVERYTHING ELSE AROUND HERE?"

"But why is that so important to you?" Ice King asked.

"BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE NOT KNOWING HOW THINGS WORK!" Bee yelled. "IT SCARES ME OKAY! I HATE NOT KNOWING HOW THINGS WORK BECAUSE I'M SCARED! AND I'M SICK OF IT!"

"Hey…" Ice King sat down next to Bee. "Don't cry. Please don't cry."

"I'm sick of not knowing anything around here! I'm sick of all the weirdness! I'm sick of trying to keep it together but I can't do it anymore! I just can't! I CAN'T!" Bee yelled.

"Bee it's okay…" Ice King frowned.

"No, it's not okay! I haven't been okay since I woke up here! I can't even remember my own name! Do you have any idea how **frustrating** that is?" Bee started to cry. "How **stupid **it makes me feel?"

"You're not stupid," Ice King said softly. "Things happen you know? It's not your fault. Sometimes…Sometimes…_Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name…"_

Bee looked at him. Ice King kept singing. _"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot." _

"I **know** this song!" Bee gasped. "_Wouldn't you like to get away…?" _

"You know this song too?" Ice King was surprised. "I thought I was the only one who knew it!"

"I remember this song…It's the theme to one of my favorite shows…" Bee closed her eyes. "Every Thursday night we'd sit and watch it. I remember sitting on the couch and…my fiancé…my fiancé would hold me and we'd…I had a fiancé. I had someone very dear to me…And I can't remember what he looked like. Why can't I **remember**…?"

"Yes you can! You **are** remembering!" Ice King told her. _"Making your way in the world_ _today takes everything you've got! Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot_…Sing it sister! Let your heart remember!"

"I can't…" Bee started to cry.

"Yes you **can**!" Ice King put his hand on her shoulder. "This is exactly what I was talking about before! Remember? About magic and science!"

"What does that have to do with…?' Bee was confused.

"Because music is magic **and** science," Ice King explained. "Music has technical rules and notes and organization but it also has **heart**! You need **both** to have a really good song!"

"So magic is the heart and science is the rules?" Bee blinked.

"Exactly," Ice King smiled. "You know the rules which are the lyrics and melody. Now let them lead you to the **heart**. Let its magic help you."

"Okay," Bee took a deep breath. "_All those nights…when you've got no lights…The check is in the mail. And your little angel hung the cat up by its tail. And your third fiancé didn't show…_"

Bee faltered at the last line. It was if that phrase triggered something into her mind. The Ice King picked up the song. _"__Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name! And they're always glad you came! You want to be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You want to be where everybody knows your name." _

"I…I…" Bee's head hurt a little. She felt like something was breaking inside of her. She kept singing. _"Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead. The morning's looking bright." _

_"And your shrink ran off to Europe, and didn't even write!"_ Ice King added.

_ "And your husband wants to be a girl_…" Bee sang.

"Seriously?" Ice King laughed.

"Yeah…" Bee laughed back.

They both sang together. "_Be glad there's one place in the world where everybody knows your name! And they're always glad you came! You want to go where people know, people are all the same. You want to go where everybody knows your name." _

Bee closed her eyes. Somewhere deep inside she remembered a voice. A voice so gentle and kind and loving calling her. _Betty…Betty…_

"Betty!" She gasped. "My name is Betty! That's my name! It's Betty! I remember!"

"See? Magic isn't always some kind of huge spell with exploding lights and everything," Ice King smiled. "Sometimes it's the smallest, simplest thing that is the most powerful."

"I guess magic is real…" Betty realized. "It just wasn't what I expected it to be."

"It never is," The Ice King grinned as he held her hands.

Not far away…

"I knew I should have put in a homing chip on Bee when I had the chance," Bubblegum sighed as she walked along with her friends. "Luckily I inputted her DNA into my DNA Scanner." She showed them a strange device that was beeping in her hands.

"Are you sure it will work?" Finn asked.

"It's set to human," Bubblegum said. "And it's beeping like…" She then did a double take. "Oh…I should change the settings."

_Where everybody knows your name,  
And they're always glad you came;  
Where everybody knows your name,  
And they're always glad you came..._

"Do you hear **singing?"** Finn looked around.

"Is that…?" Jake did a double take.

"That sounds like Bee! I mean Betty!" Finn said. "And the Ice King!"

"Oh why am I not surprised **he** had something to do with this?" Bubblegum groaned as they made their way to the sound of Betty and the Ice King singing.

They found a glowing portal in a field and out of it rose Betty and the Ice King singing. _"Where everybody knows your name! And they're always glad you came!"_

"Okay this is just **weird,**" Finn blinked.

"Uh yeah," Bubblegum blinked. "You do not see that every day."

"We're out," Betty AKA Bee realized as they stopped singing. She looked around. "Finn! Jake! Everyone!"

"Hey guys! Guess what?" Ice King waved. "Bee's real name is Betty! Isn't that great she remembered her name?"

Ice King smiled at Betty. "See Betty. Magic is real, you just have to know where to find it."

"Ice King what are you doing?" Finn asked in a worried tone.

"Oh this? Sorry! I was trying something but it didn't work out," Ice King nervously scratched his head. "Kind of got Betty involved by accident. But don't worry! Don't worry! She's fine."

"Yeah, I'm fine…" Betty seemed to be a bit disoriented.

"All's well that ends well. I had a good time anyway. Good bye Betty," Ice King smiled then flew away.

Betty stood there in a trance as if she was seeing something for the first time. "Betty?" Finn asked cautiously.

"Simon?" Betty whispered as she watched the Ice King fly away.


	9. Betty At The End Of The World

**Betty At The End Of The World **

_ My name is Betty Bennigan. I'm a biologist specializing in mutations and physical adaptations of the body. Before everything ended I was a well-respected scientist with a loving fiancé named Simon Petrikov. Then the war happened…_

_ What caused the war? A lot of little things. A lot of reasons but I suppose the main reason was money and power. The economy had been collapsing for years around the world and resources were getting scarce. Countries were fighting over resources. There had been several smaller wars for decades before the Third World War but eventually it boiled down to three different factions. The United States was leading the NATO Alliance against Russia, China and North Korea. There was also another faction of terrorists that inflicted damage on both parties all over the world. _

_ All three factions had access to nuclear weapons. Although back then we only knew of two factions that had them. The NATO Alliance and the Russian/Chinese alliance. But we all thought neither side was willing to use them. That was our mistake. By the time the world figured out that the terrorists had them…and the fact that rogue factions within both major warring alliances were actually working with the terrorists…it was too late. _

_ Enough about that for now. This is my story and the war did play a large part in what happened to me. _

_ My real troubles all started at a party I was invited to. My fiancé and I attended a gala honoring the best scientific achievements in the world. I was given an honor for my research into pathological mutations. It was the best night of my life. I was given high recognition for my work and I was with the man that I loved. _

_ Little did I know that everything was going to change. _

Three months before leaving Simon…

"And finally for their contributions to the field of Biology we honor Dr. Betty Bennigan, Dr. Sandy Alton and Dr. Timothy Grey," A presenter spoke cheerfully while making a toast in an elegant gala ballroom. "The brightest minds in the field of biology."

"GO BETTY! YAYY! WHOO HOO!" Simon's cheered carried over the polite applause. Much to the shock of the audience.

"Betty, could you explain to me again exactly what you **see **in Simon?" Sandy's tone was a bit icy. Sandy was a curly red haired woman wearing a simple black evening gown.

"Heh…" Betty winced a little from embarrassment. She couldn't help but turn a little red. She was wearing a lovely but modest white dress with a gold sash around the waist. Her hair was put up in a stylish bun.

Sandy had been her best friend since high school and both of them had not only went into college together but ended up as biologists. They often worked together on several projects very successfully. The only thing they didn't agree on was Betty's taste in men.

"Well he's supportive," Tim groaned as Simon continued cheering. "You can't deny that." The blond glasses wearing man was wearing a stylish black suit.

Tim had met both Sandy and Betty in graduate school. It wasn't long after Sandy had gotten her doctorate that she and Tim started dating. Betty had met Simon sometime after graduate school. Yet the four of them rarely went out together. Tim had no real problems with Simon but there was just something about him that got on Sandy's nerves.

And she wasn't the only one.

"Who's the nut in a bow tie that's making a racket?" A handsome Native American man in a tuxedo asked Betty after the toasts.

"Uh my fiancé, Captain Starr," Betty admitted.

"Call me Jason. **That's** your fiancé?" Jason Starr raised an eyebrow.

"Uh yes," Betty coughed.

"He looks familiar," Jason frowned. "Is he a scientist?"

"An archeologist and an antiquarian with the National Museum," Betty explained.

"Right. He's the guy that found that old mystery book isn't he?" Jason realized.

"The Enchiridion yes," Betty said. "And several other artifacts."

"Betty! Betty!" Simon beamed as he went towards his fiancé. The antiquarian looked quite handsome in his tuxedo even though he still wore his trademark red bow tie.

Unfortunately he accidentally tripped over a dropped napkin and slipped, knocking into a waiter and sending several glasses of champagne all over the place. Not only was Simon and the waiter drenched, several other people were as well.

"Great, Simple Simon strikes again…" Someone muttered loudly.

Sandy gave her friend a look that seemed to say, _did you really have to bring __**him**__ here tonight? _

"Uh excuse me," Betty went to her fiancé. "Simon!"

"Sorry! Sorry! I was just so excited," Simon apologized as Betty helped him up. "This is a big night for you and I'm so happy."

"Well you do have a knack for making things memorable," Betty sighed. "You're all wet."

"I'm sorry…" Simon blushed. "I think I can dry this out. I…I'll be right back." He went off to the men's room.

Betty sighed. She saw Jason was behind her. "Sorry. He's very excitable. He's usually more…collected than this."

"No, he isn't," Sandy remarked as she and Tim walked by.

"Well he is a very lucky man," Jason remarked. "In the romantic department anyway."

"Oh well…" Betty blushed a little.

"Anyway I wanted to personally introduce you to Damon the man who is sponsoring this gala," Jason spoke.

"Damon Damonskopis the billionaire inventor?" Betty gasped.

"He just goes by Damon now," Jason rolled his eyes. "Legally. Yes. He and the government are working on a few projects we'd like your input on. I'll let him tell you." He escorted her across the room.

"Who's that woman he's with?" Betty asked as she pointed to a voluptuous blonde woman in a very low cut red dress.

"That's his personal assistant, Christine Harris," Jason explained. "But she clearly would like to be more than that if you get my drift."

"That explains her choice in outfits," Betty winced.

"Ah Captain Starr," A handsome blue eyed black haired man with a tan moved away from Christine. "This must be Dr. Bennigan. I'm glad we finally meet face to face."

"It's an honor to meet you…uh," Betty realized she didn't know what to call him.

"Just Damon is fine," Damon waved. "Damonskopis was too much of a mouthful for anyone to say so I dropped it. And Damon Damonskopis…What can I say? My parents had a weird sense of humor."

"That I can relate to," Betty smirked. "You can call me Betty."

"Betty it's a pleasure to meet you," Damon smiled warmly as he kissed her hand. "Sorry. I tend to lose my head with beautiful women. But I'm afraid I'm much more interested in your mind."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing," Betty remarked.

"Please…" Christine snorted from behind Damon, looking extremely annoyed.

"Starr I'd like to speak to Dr. Bennigan alone if you don't mind?" Damon asked. "Christine I'm sure you can keep the good Captain entertained for a few moments."

"Fine," Christine pouted and gave Betty a look. She went off with Jason.

"Normally I'd engage in some small talk with you Dr. Bennigan…May I call you Betty?" Damon asked.

"Yes," Betty nodded.

"Anyway I wanted to talk to you personally," Damon pulled her aside so they could talk. "There's this project I'm working on for the government. I need some top notch biologists. Starr recommended you and your associates Grey and Alton. From what I've seen of your research I'm convinced you can help me with it. And Starr likes you so that's another plus for you."

"Really? Are you friends with Captain Starr?" Betty asked.

"Oh no, not really. More like acquaintances," Damon waved. "He's not even a real captain. Well not in our military anyway."

"I thought it was odd he wasn't wearing a uniform," Betty remarked.

"He's actually part of some super-secret spy agency that's going to help provide security. I forget the acronym," Damon shrugged. "I know there was an H and an S in it. HOUSE? HORSE? HANDS? Anyway it doesn't matter. The point is the government is giving its full support to my project and I'd like you to be a part of it."

"What sort of project?"

"It's a multi-tiered project with several layers," Damon said. "For legal reasons I can't tell you everything. Government red tape and all. But I can tell you that you would be working with beyond state of the art equipment studying biological mutations as well as developing cures for radiation poisoning on a sub hemoglobin level. And working on proving Hendrickson's Abnormality Adaptation Theory."

"But that theory is all but…well theory," Betty blinked. "The idea of Human DNA influencing and evolving non-humanoid species is nothing more than an idea Hendrickson came up with. It's never been proven."

"It hasn't been proven **yet**," Damon told her. "Hendrickson was a friend of mine and one of the greatest scientific minds I had ever met. His Abnormality Adaptation Theory was the only project he never finished before he died. He was never wrong about things like this before and I intend to at least try to prove how right he was. And I think you're the biologist to prove it. Of course that's only going to be one of the research studies I need you for."

"I have to admit it's tempting," Betty told him. "Hendrickson changed so much of modern biology. If we could even partially prove his theory was correct…Or even completely disprove it…"

"It would be a great coup for your career and guarantee you a place in the scientific history books," Damon nodded. "Recently I developed several new genetic sub hemotoxic replication machines. Experimental of course."

"I thought it was impossible to…"

"Nothing is impossible for me," Damon smirked. "Betty this project could not only change your life but the lives of millions of people on the planet. Can I count on you to work with me?"

"I don't know. How long will this project take?" Betty asked.

"The first phase of the project is six weeks starting next week in Seattle," Damon said. "There are a lot of minor projects I need you for as well. So you'll have to plan on staying there for the full six weeks. What do you say?"

"I don't know. I have to talk to my fiancé about this," Betty said.

"Well please, give me a call as soon as possible…" Damon gave Betty a card. "Here's my number in case…"

"HOW DID THE MEN'S ROOM GET FLOODED?" Someone yelled. "THERE'S WATER ALL OVER THE PLACE!"

"Oh no…" Betty winced.

Simon came up to her rather quickly. Betty couldn't help but notice that his shoes and the bottom of his pants were wet. "Uh Betty…We should really go," He gulped.

"Yes uh. Damon I'll call you later…" Betty sighed. "Just give me a moment please."

Simon moved away. "Who was **that**?" Damon asked.

"My uh…fiancé. Simon Petrikov," Betty admitted.

"**That's** your _fiancé_? Pity," Damon frowned.

"Oh I don't know," Christine sauntered up to him and put his arm around him. "He's sort of cute in a nerdy way. Some women like that. Personally he's not sophisticated enough for my taste but…"

"Yes well I'd better get going. Before…Simon does something else…" Betty backed away clearly embarrassed. "I'll call you Damon."

CRASH!

"Sorry…" Simon called out. "Didn't see you there. Let me help you fix that…WHOA!"

SMASH!

"I'll talk to you later," Betty was mortified and couldn't leave the gala fast enough.

"Some women have no taste in men," Christine sniffed.

Later that evening…

"Ugh what a night," Simon sighed as they returned to their apartment. "I'm glad that's over."

"Not exactly," Betty sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Simon, there's something I have to tell you," Betty sighed. "I've been personally invited to work on a project for Damon Industries. And there's talk of government backing. It's going to take over a month of work in Seattle…I want to do it. It would be great for my career but I wanted to talk it over with you first. I need to know what you think about it before I give my answer."

"Actually…" Simon let out a breath. "It's pretty good timing."

"What do you mean? Oh Simon not **another **expedition?" Betty moaned.

"It's only for a few months," Simon told her. "After the expedition hopefully the museum will have enough funding to get through another year. We can be married as soon as I return."

"Why can't you ever just say no to these trips?" Betty asked.

"Come on Betty you know how much I love adventuring," Simon told her. "Looking for the unknown. It's how I found the Enchiridion. And ever since I found that book for the museum well…"

"You're not a one hit wonder Simon," Betty told him. "I don't care what other people say. You've found plenty of other valuable artifacts. Just because the higher ups that run the museums didn't value them as much as you do…"

"I can't help but be aware of my reputation," Simon sighed. "You would have thought after I made a huge discovery like the Enchiridion at least people would stop calling me 'Simple Simon' to my face. I know I'm sent on these missions just so that I don't embarrass the museum. But I have to do this. I have a good feeling about this expedition. It might even change our lives. I know it. Will you wait for me?"

"Of course I will Simon," Betty smiled and hugged him. "So where are you going this time?"

"Scandinavia," Simon said. "There are some very promising leads on Viking artifacts in the Northern region. It's only for a few months and you said so yourself you'd be busy for at least six weeks for this project."

"You're right," Betty nodded. "When do you leave?"

"Friday."

"That's only three days from now!"

"Well then Princess, we'd better make the most of it," Simon smiled as he kissed her. "This will be the very last expedition. I promise. I promise I'll find some artifacts of a respectable nature. And make you a respectable woman."

"I don't know about respectable but I'll be happy to be a married woman," Betty smiled as she kissed him back. "Just be careful okay?"

"Of course I will. Besides this isn't going to be like the time I went to the Amazon and nearly got eaten by a snake or the time I was nearly killed in that mummy's tomb in Egypt," Simon chuckled. "It's Scandinavia. What could happen?"

The day Simon returned from Scandinavia.

"So have you decided yet what to do?" Betty's best friend Sandy asked as she and Betty were on the phone. Betty had returned to the apartment she shared with Simon.

"I'm not sure. I have to discuss this with Simon first. I don't know how I'm going to tell him or what I'm going to say," Betty sighed.

"Betty you can't waste this opportunity," Sandy told her. "This isn't just for your career! This could really help the war effort as well as humanity! You have your country to think about! You could help save lives with this research!"

"I know. I know," Betty sighed.

"Betty you do realize that Simon is damaging your reputation right?" Sandy asked. "People are still talking about what happened at the gala. If you're not careful he'll ruin your career. Everyone knows that he's a trouble magnet and that he's crazy."

"Simon is not crazy! He's…eccentric," Betty defended.

"Well his **eccentricities** are going to hurt you **and** your career if you're not careful," Sandy pointed out. "Betty we accomplished so much research in Seattle! Think of how much more we can do! There are scientists that would give their teeth for an opportunity like this! You can't just throw it away!"

"I'm not throwing it away! I'm…" Betty began when she heard something at the door. "I have to go. I'll call you later Sandy." She hung up the phone.

"Betty? Betty?" Simon opened the door. He barely had time to drop his luggage when Betty rushed to kiss him. He kissed her back. "I guess you missed me then."

"More than I realized," Betty admitted. "Simon promise me no more of these trips for at least a long time."

"Don't worry Betty. I'm not going anywhere," Simon smiled warmly as he twirled her around and held her in his arms. "Betty I've dreamt of you every night. Had some pretty bad nightmares of…It doesn't matter. I'm home. I'm home and this time I'm going to stay home with you. Where I belong."

"Nightmares?"

"It's silly actually," Simon shook his head. "Just bad dreams I've been having the last few days." He pulled her closer.

"What kind of dreams?" Betty looked into his eyes. "Come on Simon you can tell me."

"I dreamt I lost you in a fire. It doesn't matter. Now that I'm home. I'm with you and nothing will separate us again! Oh Betty! How was your trip? Did you get a lot of research done?" Simon asked brightly.

"As a matter of fact…" Betty dreaded of what she had to say next.

She didn't get the chance to. "Oh before I forget Betty let me show you what I found!" He pulled something out of a bag. "You will never believe how I got this!"

Betty was stunned. "It's a crown! Simon is it valuable…?"

"I think it is," Simon nodded. "I know it's made out of gold and real jewels. I wanted to show you this first before I went to the museum with it."

"Where did you find it?"

"You won't believe this," Simon smiled. "About three days ago I was shopping around this lovely village shops when I happened to walk by the docks. This strange old fisherman called out to me and said that I should look at something he found in the sea. At first I was skeptical but from the moment I laid my eyes on this crown I knew it was special!"

"Is it a Viking artifact?" Betty looked at it.

"Honestly I think it might be older than the Vikings," Simon explained.

"Simon it's beautiful. How much did you pay for it?" Betty asked.

"Nothing. That's the strange part," Simon admitted. "When I offered to pay for it the fisherman refused. Said that the crown felt cursed and it would be bad luck if he accepted money for it. He said that he felt that I was destined to have this. Very strange old man. You should have seen him Betty. He had a pointed noise a big bushy beard and I could have sworn that his skin was a light blue color. Then again it was snowing pretty hard and it was cold. I felt my skin was going to turn blue."

"Now that's just silly," Betty smirked. "You meet up with the oddest people Simon."

"I know I know," Simon shrugged as he walked with Betty into the apartment. He looked at the crown in his hands. "Kept saying things like beware its magic and it was cursed but that's probably some superstition."

"Simon this artifact alone should make your bosses happy," Betty said.

"I hope so because it was the only valuable thing I found," Simon sighed. "Most of the relics weren't as rare as the museum would like. In fact the conference call I had with my boss made it very clear that the relics I found weren't going to cut it if I was going to keep my… I was just about to give up hope that I'd find anything."

Betty kept quiet. Despite his abilities and his knowledge of the ancient world was unparalleled, Simon's history of accidents and accidentally brushing some higher ups the wrong way had earned him the scorn of many of his peers. She knew that many on the board of the museum would gladly find any reason to fire him at the drop of a hat.

Instead she said, "Simon…how about you put the crown on?"

"What?" Simon blinked. "Betty you know I can't…"

"Oh come on Simon! I want to see how it looks on you," Betty smirked. "It's not like you haven't done anything like that before. Remember the Roman coin necklace?"

"Yeah…" Simon blushed. "That was a bit of a fiasco."

"Well this time you won't get in trouble because you're doing it at home and not at the museum," Betty grinned. "Besides, how many chances in life are you going to get to actually wear a real crown?"

"I have to admit I've been tempted ever since I got it," Simon smiled as he looked at the crown. "It is beautiful."

"Come on. I'll take a picture," Betty grinned as she got her camera out from a desk. "Unless you believe in that curse…"

"Of course not," Simon scoffed. "Let's do this!" He placed the crown on his head. "I am King Simon the First! Ruler of all I survey!" He made what he believed to be a heroic pose.

"Yes, your majesty…" Betty giggled as she prepared to take a shot. "Okay Simon now…Simon? Simon are you all right?"

He didn't look all right. He looked shocked and panicked. "It's over…" He whispered. "It's all over…"

"What's over? Simon you don't look so good," Betty said. "You look…pale. What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong is that everyone is going to **die!**" Simon snarled. "I can see the fire! The fire will burn the world and everyone will be destroyed! DESTROYED!" He grabbed her by the arms.

"OW! Simon! You're hurting me! What's **wrong** with you?" Betty tried to pull away but she couldn't.

"Nothing is wrong with me. It's **you** that's wrong! You and this whole corrupt world! But it will be gone soon! GONE! This world will be destroyed in fire but cleansed with ice," Simon hissed at her, a manic look was in his eyes. "The ice will freeze and stop the fire and humanity will be gone! Gone forever! Only ice will remain! This war will be the last one ever! Ever!"

"Simon I know things are bad but there's a chance we can save the world," Betty pleaded. "I've been given an opportunity at Damon industries that might help save…"

"Save the world? Destroy it more like it!" Simon cackled with manic laughter. "People like that want the world to burn and they're more than happy to let it!"

"Simon you don't know what you're talking about!"

"I know more than you think…" Simon hissed. "This Damon character doesn't give a **flying fig** about your research. He wants you for his own research! In the **bedroom!**"

"That's not true!" Betty shouted, getting angry. "Simon let go of me now!"

"Your research, your **science** won't save you," Simon mocked as he shoved her away. "It will be useless. You're just too stupid to see it."

"Simon I don't know what's wrong with you or why you're saying such hurtful things…" Betty bristled rubbing her arms.

"I'm saying them because it's true," Simon hissed. "The world is going to be **destroyed**! Humanity is going to be destroyed and you can't stop it! Not you and your science! I DON'T NEED YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING!"

"Simon…" Betty's heart started to break.

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Simon thrashed about wildly, nearly hitting her. He then stopped and stood still. His eyes a blank stare. "Get away from me…"

"You just made my decision a lot easier Simon," Betty said coldly. Anger flowed through her body. "All these years I've stood by you and…" She stormed off to the bedroom and locked the door.

She couldn't pack her things quickly enough. "Betty?" Simon's voice came through the bedroom door. "Betty? Are you in there? What…What happened?"

"You know **very well** what happened!" Betty shouted as she grabbed her suitcase. She put her engagement ring on the desk. "You don't think you need me Simon? Fine! I'm gone!"

"Betty…What are you…?" Simon was stunned. The crown was off his head.

Betty gave him a cold look. "Good bye Simon," She glared at him and stormed out of the apartment. "And good riddance!"

"Betty wait? What? Why are you leaving?" Simon was heard yelling "WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT DID I SAY?"

It was the last time she ever saw Simon.

Three days after leaving Simon…

Betty was crossing the military compound on her way to the science research center in Seattle when it happened.

The sound of planes overhead. Soon the sky was darkened with them. Betty looked up and saw hundreds of planes. Then the yells. The screams. The sounds of bombs being dropped.

It then dawned on Betty that these were not American planes.

Enemy planes were everywhere. They darkened the sky.

Someone grabbed her by the arm. "RUN!" A voice yelled and she did so without hesitation.

Before she knew it she felt the ground shake violently. Jason Starr had grabbed her and managed to get her out of the way of the bombs dropping. One bomb didn't go off. It was stuck inside the ground and didn't detonate.

"Stay here, you should be safe," Jason told her as they managed to get to one of the underground shelters. "Damn it! I thought they couldn't get through our perimeter defense systems."

There was a sound of screams. They saw a strange yellow gas emerge from somewhere. A soldier screamed as he tried to run away from it. His body started to turn green and his hair was starting to fall out.

"GET INSIDE AND LOCK THE DOOR!" Jason ordered Betty and a few other people who happened to be in the shelter. He locked the door behind them. They heard the screams of the dying man.

"We have to help…" Betty protested.

"There's nothing we can do until the attack is over and the haz-mat team arrives," A soldier told her. He pointed to the wall. "Fortunately we have some radiation suits that should protect us when it's safe to move."

"Those aren't just any bombs are they?" Betty realized. "There's some kind of biological weapon!"

"Now you know why we recruited you," Jason said. "To study the effects of the radiation and biochemical weapons on the human body. We were lucky today that some of those bombs didn't go off. But next time…"

"Next time…? You mean…?" Betty realized.

"I'm afraid so," Jason sighed. "It's only a matter of time before these bombs get past our defenses and head right for the cities."

"I had no idea the war was getting this bad," Betty trembled in fear.

"And it's going to get a lot worse," Jason told her glaring at the sky.

Three weeks after leaving Simon…

After the attack on the base Betty and all the other civilian scientists had been immediately transferred to a Damon Industries facility deep in the country. She like many of the others were still shaken up after the attack.

And it wasn't the last.

More and more attacks were happening every week. Half of them were stopped by the military. But some got through on the East Coast.

But that was the least of the dangers that were now escalating. For some reason the polar ice caps were melting faster than ever. Within a few months the sea level had risen several feet, submerging hundreds of coastal cities underwater. In the Midwest there was an abnormal drought destroying crops. There were food and gas shortages everywhere and riots followed quickly.

The weather was even acting strangely from the increase of tornadoes to a strange freak snowstorm that engulfed an entire city.

As Betty watched the news she realized that the city that was in the news was the very same city she had once lived in with Simon. And she began to get worried. Every day she worried a little more until…

"What do you mean you're going **back **to Simon? After what he did and said?" Sandy snapped after Betty told her what she intended to do. "I never did like that little…"

"Sandy! Obviously something was wrong and…" Betty let out a breath. "I just need to see for myself. Okay?"

"All right. You have to ask Damon for permission to leave though," Sandy said. "I'm sure you'll have no problem getting him to do **that**."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on Betty," Sandy said. "You don't have to pretend with me. I've seen the way Damon looks at you. So has half the compound. Honestly I think you've traded up."

"I haven't traded anything!" Betty snapped. "I just broke up with my fiancé! You really think I'm shopping around for another one?"

"If you aren't, you should," Sandy said. "Just saying. Damon is a catch. A lot better than Simon. He's rich. He's respected. His discoveries actually matter…"

"Sandy!" Betty snapped. "Honestly! It's not like that between us!"

"Uh huh," Sandy smirked. "_Sure_ it's not."

"It's **not!**" Betty protested. "And Simon…I'm **not **getting in this argument with you again." She left the lab.

Soon Betty found herself in front of Damon's office. And in front of Christine.

"Christine I need to talk to Damon. It's important," Betty sighed.

"Really?" Christine's tone was anything but helpful. "I don't think so. Damon is in a meeting." She casually started to file her nails.

"Look I need to talk to Damon and tell him that I have to leave the compound. It's important that I…" Betty began.

"Hold on a second," Christine held up her hand. "You said you need to **leave** the compound?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say that in the **first place**?" Christine's smile became genuine this time. "Right this way!" She got up and led Betty to Damon's back office.

"Damon, Dr. Bennigan has to leave the compound. Family emergency, you understand," Christine waved. "I'll leave you two to talk!" She flounced out of the room.

"Leave? What do you mean leave?" Damon asked.

"Just for a few days for…personal reasons," Betty let out a breath.

"Is this about that Simon character?" Damon asked.

"Yes, it is about Simon," Betty admitted. "I know I should just forget about him but I can't."

"You're serious aren't you?" Damon was stunned.

"I am actually," Betty sighed. "I need to go see Simon. At least to tell him to his face how crazy he was acting. He just acted so strange and out of character."

"From what I have seen and heard your former fiancé is a rather strange character," Damon scoffed.

"Nevertheless I owe it to Simon to face him one last time," Betty told Damon. "Then I'll know if it's really over or not."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Damon frowned. "It might not be safe to go back."

"If you're worried about what Simon will do to me…" Betty began.

"Please! No! That is the **least **of my worries!" Damon scoffed. "Unfortunately there are more dangerous things in the world than an unstable antiquarian student. And we don't have much time."

"What do you mean?" Betty asked.

"Betty it's no secret among the higher ups of our government that the way things are going nuclear weapons will be used sooner or later," Damon said. "And when that happens we must take precautions to make sure that not only does our way of life continue, the human race survives."

"Survives? You're talking about some kind of biological attack?" Betty asked.

"Among other things," Damon sighed. "In fact the possibility of a nuclear war is now inevitable."

"That's impossible it can't…" Betty stopped when she realized it was possible. "Isn't there any way…?"

"There's nothing we can do Betty! People want to destroy themselves and the only thing you can do is get out of their way," Damon told her. "But they won't destroy everything. I've seen to that. Come with me. I'll show you."

She followed Damon to a huge hangar. Inside was a giant ship unlike anything she had ever seen. "It looks like the space shuttle on steroids!" Betty gasped.

"It's called the Ark," Damon said. "It's the first in several stasis ships that will be sent into outer space. This is how we are going to save the human race."

"We?" Betty blinked.

"This is the real project I want you on Betty," Damon said. "I've already made preparations for your friends Alton and Grey to be on the ship with us."

"Us?" Betty took a step back. "Wait explain more about how these ships. I didn't think we had the level of technology…"

"The government doesn't. I do," Damon smirked. "Guess all those years of studying fictional spaceships as a kid paid off."

"What?" Betty was stunned. "How is this possible?"

"Years ago I and a group of like-minded geniuses saw the writing on the wall," Damon explained as he brought her aboard the ship. "Quite simply this is a backup plan for the human race. A second chance for our people and the world. And it looks like we're going to need it."

"It's huge," Betty looked at the giant ship in awe.

"Even though the size is immense there is very little need for human maintenance," Damon pointed to several small little robots. "Thanks to my little inventions here."

They were rather small and almost comical looking. White little robots no bigger than a few feet tall looking like ET had a love child with R2D2. "This is unbelievable," Betty gasped.

"This is only one of many. There are several stasis ships that will take off and leave the planet in less than a year," Damon told her. "All the people will sleep peacefully in automated piloted spaceships and take a slow journey around our solar system. It will probably take a thousand years for the radiation to die down give or take a decade."

"So what? You'll evacuate the people on…" Betty began.

"There's no time to evacuate everyone. Only a select few will be chosen among the population," Damon said. "Even though the Ark can host thousands, it will only take less than four hundred people to run it. Scientists, engineers and some soldiers. Mostly for protection against the unknown. But all of them chosen after a series of rigorous tests to weed out the weak and unintelligent."

He smiled at Betty. "Of course Betty there was no need to test you. Your research alone guarantees a spot for you in a new and better world."

"But what about all the people left on Earth?" Betty protested. "You can't just leave them all to die!"

"A necessary evil," Damon shrugged. "Betty the human race needs a second chance. This way only the strongest and the best and the brightest will survive. And of course the wealthiest."

"I've made a huge mistake," Betty realized. "I want no part of this!"

"Too late," Damon loomed over her. "You signed a contract Betty. You're mine."

"Simon was **right** about you!" Betty gasped. "I can't believe I…I have to go back!"

"You're not going anywhere," Damon grabbed her. "Not now! Not when I'm so close!"

"Let me go Damon!" Betty shouted as she tried to pull away but Damon held onto her.

"Don't you realize if you leave now and we have to board the Ark you'll be left behind? You could **die!**" Damon snapped. "And for what? To see some crazy fool?"

"I'd rather die with a crazy fool than live with you and your crazy ideas!" Betty snapped.

"I'm afraid Betty that you are going to have to board the Ark **ahead **of schedule," Damon growled as he dragged her into another room.

"What are you talking about?" Betty struggled. "What are you doing? Damon!"

"I had your DNA tested. Yours is in the highest percentile which means any children you have will have extremely desirable traits," Damon smiled. "Oh there's that slight astigmatism in your eyes but nothing that can't be corrected. Quite simply, you are much too valuable to be left behind."

"I do **not** like where this is going," Betty struggled as much as she could. "Let go of me!"

"I did some checking on Petrikov as well," Damon smirked. "His family background is…colorful at best. Not exactly the highest pedigree. And guess what? There is a history of mental instability in his family. And from what my sources tell me it seems that he's fallen into that very same tragic pattern."

"Just what are you saying?" Betty asked.

"Haven't you heard? Apparently he's fallen into some kind of depression and hasn't appeared for work. Been fired last I heard," Damon shrugged. "Doesn't even have a job now."

"No! No I have to go back and…" Betty struggled.

"And what? Fix him? Forget him Betty. He's a loser," Damon said as Betty was dragged into a room filled with suspension chambers. "People like us are winners."

"Winner is **not** the word I would use to describe you right now!" Betty snapped. She fought back but Damon held onto her. In the struggle her lab jacket was torn. The end of where her name tag was sewn on was torn off leaving only the BE.

"Going to need some help here," Damon gritted his teeth and called on his communicator. "Security!"

"You can't do this to me Damon!" Betty shouted as two security guards walked in and restrained her. "This is kidnapping!"

"Betty this is for your own good," Damon said as he opened one of the pods. "And the good of the human race. Face it, Simon is a dead end. Literally. You can't save him. You can't even get into the city now. Some kind of weird freak snowstorm has been covering that area."

He motioned his guards to shove Betty into the open pod. "NO!" Betty yelled.

"Besides, the Ark won't be programmed to return until at least 999 years from now," Damon smirked as he pushed the button. "He'll be dead anyway."

"NO!" Betty pounded on the stasis pod as hard as she could. "Let me out! Let me out! SIMON! SIMON!"

And that was the last thing she remembered before the cold darkness claimed her.


	10. To Save A King

**To Save A King**

"Whoa…" Finn's jaw dropped as the others finished listening to Betty's story back at the Tree Fort. In addition to Jake, Marceline and Princess Bubblegum, Lumpy Space Princess and Shelby the worm were there.

"And that's the last thing I remember before waking up in the Ice Kingdom," Betty admitted. "No wait…I remember shouting. Someone shouting and this feeling of falling but it's all fuzzy. Other than that…"

"That is some story," Jake whistled. He went to the sink to get himself a glass of water.

"What I don't get is how you ended up in the Ice Kingdom after all that and why you're old now?" LSP said aloud.

"I have a theory about why Betty's aged," Bubblegum spoke up. "Perhaps the stasis chamber got slightly damaged when you tried to escape?"

"That's the only thing that makes sense," Betty sighed. "There's something I don't understand. Why does the Ice King remind me of Simon? That's the same crown right?"

"Yes it is," Marceline let out a breath. "And it's had the same owner for over a thousand years."

"Same owner? Wait hold on! Hold on!" Betty held up her hands. "So Ice King is…?"

"Yes!" Marceline told her.

"WHAT?" LSP shouted. "I still don't get this whole Simon thing!"

"How is that possible?" Betty gasped.

"How is **what** possible?" LSP shouted.

"BMO I think we should show her the tape we found," Finn said.

"You never gave it back to the Ice King?" Marceline asked.

"We did, we just made a copy of it," Jake explained as he came back with a glass of water. "BMO pull the Ice King origin out of your archive files."

"I have it on hard drive," BMO nodded. The little computer turned on the video.

Betty's eyes widened as she saw the tape. "It wasn't him who…?" She gasped as she watched. Her heart broke at the end.

"_Please love me again Betty!"_ Simon's desperate wail stabbed her in the heart.

"Oh my gosh," LSP sniffled as the recording ended. "That is like totally the saddest most pathetic thing I have ever seen! Ever!"

"That's why the Ice King is so totally obsessed with capturing princesses," Finn explained. "What he really wants deep down is **his princess**…"

"Betty…" Marceline looked at Betty.

"Oh Simon," Betty began to sob. "How could I have been so blind?"

"Hmph! You know lady, if you think about it, it really is kind of all your fault," LSP snorted.

"Lumpy Space Princess!" Finn snapped.

"What? It is," LSP said. "I mean because of her we got the lumpin' Ice King after us princesses all the time."

"LSP…" Marceline warned.

LSP of course didn't listen. "I mean you were supposed to love him lady. The fact that he changed suddenly out of the blue should have been a tip off. At the very least you could have come back to make sure and if he was really crazy to tell him face to face what he did. But nooo you just left him and then…"

"SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE LSP OR ELSE I'M PERSONALLY GOING TO SMOOTH OUT EVERY LUMP IN YOUR BODY!" Marceline changed into a bat form startling the purple princess.

"Whoa! Hey! Why are you so eager to defend her?" LSP was startled.

"Because I did the same thing," Marceline sighed as she changed back to her regular form. "I promised Simon that I would help cure him but when push came to shove…I dunno it just seemed easier to forget about that promise and let him…"

"Marceline you were just a kid when…" Finn began.

"This was **after** I became the Vampire Queen, Finn!" Marceline shouted. "I just went on my own way instead of paying back the guy who raised me. I just let him…Look we have to find a way to help him."

"I agree," Bubblegum said. "It's time we found a way to save the Ice King."

"Why would you of all people wanna save the Ice King?" LSP asked Bubblegum. "He's way more obsessed with kidnapping you than the rest of us!"

"Remember when I was possessed by the Lich?" Bubblegum asked. "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Not even the Ice King. And he's been possessed longer…"

"With no one to save him from the crown," Marceline sighed.

"I can only imagine the torture that poor man has gone through," Bubblegum shook her head. "Besides, if we can save him then he won't need to kidnap princesses anymore."

"Well here's a crazy idea," Betty said, her voice getting louder. "If the crown is the problem why doesn't someone take the stupid thing off and **destroy it?"**

"It's not that simple," Princess Bubblegum shook her head. "First of all the crown is filled with a powerful force. I hate to call it magic but there's no better scientific explanation. And apparently it has a mind of its own so I don't think it would just let us destroy it. Secondly the Ice King has had it for more than a thousand years. If we destroy it, it could destroy him."

"And that's like a bad thing **why**?" LSP snorted.

"Because like it or not the Ice King plays a very important role in our ecosystem," Princess Bubblegum told her. "Haven't you ever wondered why I never asked Finn and Jake to actually destroy him?"

"I always thought it was because you were so nice," Jake asked.

"I am but for the safety and welfare of my people I am willing to make the hard choices," Princess Bubblegum said. "Fortunately killing the Ice King isn't an option. In fact we need to keep him alive or we could all face a catastrophe beyond imagination."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked.

"Do you know where our water comes from?" Princess Bubblegum asked. "All the rivers, streams, deep water wells and lakes of Ooo have one source. The melted water from the Ice Kingdom."

"Really?" Finn's eyes widened. "I didn't know that."

"Yes even the ocean surrounding Ooo benefits from the Ice Kingdom," Princess Bubblegum nodded.

"So?" LPS snorted.

"Where do you think all that ice comes from?" Princess Bubblegum gave her a look.

"So…What you're saying is the Ice King makes the ice…" Betty began. "The ice eventually melts and becomes water."

"You mean my tasty cool drink of water is all because of the Ice King?" Jake stopped drinking his water. "That's way wacko Princess!"

"It's true. Furthermore there is evidence through my studies that Ooo would not have such fertile lands and perfect growing conditions if not for the centuries of water flowing from not only the melted water of the Ice Kingdom, but the precipitation the Ice King puts in the air," Princess Bubblegum explained. "In other words, if the Ice King didn't exist…Ooo and the Candy Kingdom wouldn't exist."

"So you're saying if it wasn't for the Ice King none of us would be here? That's heavy," Finn said. "I had no idea that crazy old dude would be so important."

"Whoa, that like blows my mind," LSP whistled. "And like my mind is like a steel trap so it takes a lot to blow it!"

"Huh, must really peeve you off Princess, being so all about the science and your entire kingdom depends on **magic,**" Marceline smirked.

"Technically cryokinesis isn't magic. It is a proven scientific ability," Bubblegum sniffed.

"But you just said the crown itself was magic," Finn pointed out.

"All magic is unexplained science anyway! The only reason I called it that was because I have no idea how it works!" Bubblegum fumed. "Look this is just splitting hairs. The point is the Ice King has the ability to make water which we all need in order to survive."

"Our lives depend on a crazy old man and his crazy evil crown," Shelby agreed. "Suddenly I have an urge to look at some real estate listings…"

"So what do we do now?" Betty said. "We can't just let Simon be controlled by that…**thing** forever!"

"If only there was a way for the Ice King to get his memories back," Finn sighed.

"But nothing works! We showed him the tape of himself and I've shown him his own writings and nothing!" Marceline was frustrated. "He's my dearest friend and he can't even remember me."

"He remembers you somewhat," Bubblegum said. "You said so yourself he was always finding out where you lived throughout the centuries."

"Yeah but he never remembers me," Marceline sighed. "He doesn't remember why he always shows up. I guess I didn't love him enough."

"I don't think that's it," Betty said. "Maybe he needs more than your love to break the spell? Maybe he…? He needs me too Marceline. He needs **both **of us to break the spell."

"That makes sense," Jake spoke up. "Love is powerful magic in itself. But that crown has got some powerful magic too. So maybe the Ice King just needs some extra powerful love?"

"You know something…" Marceline said. "It's crazy enough that it might work. I mean it's not like I have any other plan to help him."

"Dealing with magic is always risky," Bubblegum said. "But I'm willing to do what I can to break the crown's curse."

"But what if the crown gets broken in the process and the Ice Kingdom gets destroyed?" Shelby asked.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Bubblegum said. "I can't allow my kingdom's prosperity be at the suffering of another. Not like this. Besides I can always come up with some kind of ice making machine if I had to. And I'm really getting tired of his stalking me so…"

"Bubblegum's right," Finn nodded. "I'm a hero and I'm supposed to help anyone in need. And nobody needs our help more than the Ice King. It's the crown that's evil, not him."

"So we find a way to break the curse," Jake nodded. "I'm in! You up for it Betty?"

"I ran away from Simon when he needed me once," Betty said, her voice firm with resolve. "I won't do it a second time."

"We're both going to help save him," Marceline nodded.

"BMO help too! BMO is on the case!" BMO beamed.

"I'll just uh…Wait and see what happens," Shelby said.

"Yeah I'm gonna let you guys handle it," LSP nodded.

"I'm going to look up information in the archives about the crown," Bubblegum told them. "There must be some clues about its origin and how to break the spell. Or at the very least allow the Ice King to regain his memory."

"Right. Betty and I will take turns watching him," Marceline said. "We're gonna love bomb his sorry butt until something cracks."

"We can't tell him who I am," Betty sighed. "It would only confuse him."

"Agreed, he's not ready for that," Bubblegum nodded. "Even if you two don't get him to jog his memory, at least you can delay him from kidnapping princesses for a while."

"What do you want Jake and I do to?" Finn asked.

"Hey! We can watch Betty and Marceline who is watching the Ice King," Jake spoke up. "That way if there's any trouble…"

"Hold on, you two hanging around might make the old dude suspicious," Marceline said. "Even he isn't that dumb. But I can secretly watch Betty if she needs me without him seeing."

"Good plan. Finn, Jake. Most likely the book we are seeking is in the Secret Archives Library Dungeon," Bubblegum said. "I'm going to need your help to get through it."

"Now that we can do," Finn nodded. "Okay so Operation Save The Ice King is a go!"

"I'm gonna like go now," LSP said. "See ya around guys."

"Yeah I'm gonna check the newspaper listings for uh…real estate stuff just in case this don't work out," Shelby agreed as he slunk into a hole in the wall.

"You know…Marceline I need to know things that happened with you and Simon," Betty said. "Maybe by comparing notes about what we know about him…?"

"We can jog his memory," Marceline finished.

"Marceline start by telling her that first story you told us," Finn remembered. "That was a good one."

"We'll take the princess back to the Candy Kingdom and start looking up clues," Jake said.

"There must be something in my library on where in the secret archives we can find clues about the crown's past," Bubblegum nodded. "You two start comparing notes and get to know each other better. After all you both love Simon."

"Yeah we do. How exactly did you meet Simon anyway?" Betty asked. "You said he raised you?"

"He did. It was right after the bombs dropped at the Mushroom War," Marceline got comfortable floating on the floor with her legs crossed. "I was only five years old and all alone when a strange blue man found me…"


	11. Ice Soup

**Ice Soup **

The following afternoon was a typical one in the Ice Kingdom.

"Oh Ice King! You're sooooo manly…" The Ice King was lying on his bed using sock puppets to put on a little show in his bedroom. "I loooovveeee you!"

Yup, a typical afternoon.

"Oh Ice King! You are the greatest king in the whole wide world! Muah! Muah! Muah!" He had the princess sock puppet (which looked a lot like Bubblegum) kiss the sock puppet made to look like himself.

"Wenk," Gunter remarked.

"She would **so** say that!" The Ice King snapped. "Oh what do you know about good writing anyway? This is pure gold! Soap opera fans would eat this up!"

"Wak…" Gunter rolled her eyes.

"Everyone's a critic," The Ice King snorted. "Well another day, another princess to capture!"

He got up from his bed, threw the puppets on the floor and started to walk back and forth. "Now which princess do I get to rescue from her boring life of luxury? So many choices!"

"Hello? Ice King?" Betty's voice was heard outside his window. "Are you there?"

"Huh?" The Ice King blinked. "Okay I'm hearing voices again but I actually know this one!" He went to the window and saw Betty bundled up in a thick green coat, a green wool hat and green boots standing outside his castle. "Oh…It's Betty! Hi Betty!"

"Hi, Ice King," Betty said cheerfully. "Uh…I wanted to come by and thank you for helping me yesterday."

"Oh. Oh no trouble my dear," Ice King chuckled. "None at all."

"I was wondering if I uh…" Betty looked a little flustered. "Could come in and visit with you a bit?"

"Visit? Me?" Ice King blinked. "As come into my castle? To see me? On your own?"

"That's not a problem is it? If you're busy…"

"Oh no, no, no…I'm not busy at all," The Ice King was stunned. "Just uh…Hanging around. Doing…Ice King stuff. Just uh, surprised that's all. People don't usually come over to visit. At least voluntarily. Or when I haven't done anything…Come on into the living room. I'll be right down."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you inside," Betty waved.

"See you there," Ice King waved.

Ice King pulled back into the window. He didn't notice Betty waving to a hat covered Marceline from around the corner. He went to the hallway with Gunter behind him. He cautiously peeked downstairs. Then he moved back into the hallway. There was a look of obvious confusion on his face.

"Gunter," The Ice King blinked. "There is a woman in my living room."

"Wenk."

"Yeah but I didn't put her there," The Ice King went on. "She came here on her own!"

"Waaak…?"

"Women **never **come up here," Ice King blinked. "Not willingly anyway. Okay Marceline but she's sort of my bud. That's different. We're pals. Oh this is so inconvenient! How can I go snatch myself a princess when this broad is here?"

He quickly peeked out and saw Betty looking around, happily talking to some penguins. "On the other hand Gunter…" He shrugged as he talked to the penguin. "Why go out to get a woman when one just shows up at your door? You know what they say about a bird in the hand!"

"Wak?"

"Really? I was hoping you would know the rest of that phrase," Ice King scratched his head. "Eh I'll go catch myself a princess tomorrow! Just uh, need to change my schedule…"

He opened a book he took out of his beard. "Oh it turns out I have nothing to do tomorrow. Except sob uncontrollably about how lonely I am. Well that's convenient. Okay tomorrow I'll have something else to do besides cry about my lonely existence."

He put the book back in his beard. "Okay I'll just go out there. Talk to the woman. Impress her with my dashing style and smooth talk. Yeah this will be easy."

He puffed himself up. "Wish me luck Gunter! Although I'm not gonna need it!" He winked.

"Wenk…"

Ice King smiled and then moved gracefully to the stairs, opting to walk down them and look impressive. That was his intent.

"Hello Betty…" Ice King said in his most smooth voice. "Welcome to my…"

At that moment something happened that hadn't happened for nearly 900 years. Something even the Ice King didn't see coming.

The Ice King slipped on his own ice floor and fell down the stairs.

"HOOOOOOOOHHHH….OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Ice King yelled as he fell down the stairs.

"Wenk…" Gunter hit her face with her flipper in shame.

"Ice King!" Betty went to him.

"Ow…" The Ice King moaned as he lay at the bottom of the stairs, his robe completely over his head. "That hurt more than I expected."

"Are you…?" Betty was stunned when she saw that underneath his robe the Ice King was extremely gaunt, his ribs and bones sticking out. The even the bandages covering his groin seemed too large for his body. "Oh no…"

Betty gasped when she saw his emaciated state. "Oh yeah well…" The Ice King embarrassed pulled back his robe, when he sat up. "I know. I need to go on a diet."

"Diet? You're skin and bones as it is!" Betty was shocked. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"Uh…" The Ice King blinked. "Hold on…I think it was a Tuesday…"

"That's it! We're getting you something to eat **right now**!" Betty grabbed him. "Which way is the kitchen?"

"Wenk!" One of the penguins pointed to a doorway.

"Hey! What's going on?" The Ice King was stunned as Betty dragged him to the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to make you something to eat because you obviously need to!" Betty told him.

"Well I don't need to eat that much," Ice King protested.

"It looks like you don't eat at all!" Betty told him. She started looking around the kitchen for ingredients to make something.

"Technically I don't need to eat much because well…my powers…" Ice King tried to explain.

"If you don't need to eat then why are you so thin to the point of starvation?" Betty snapped. "If they truly preserve you then why change weight at all?"

"I…don't know," Ice King blinked. The thought never occurred to him before.

"Well it's obvious you need something in your system," Betty went to the stove. "A nice simple soup should help you."

She turned on the stove. However the stove had other plans. It sputtered smoke and then sank into the ice floor. "Oh dear…" Betty blinked.

"Uh yeah it does that sometimes," Ice King told her. "When it overheats and…Well you get the picture." He looked down at the hole in the floor. "Really should look into getting that fixed."

"Fine. New plan. Come on," Betty took his arm.

"Okay…" The Ice King blinked.

Sometime later that day…

"So now that we went through that whole library dungeon, we gotta go through **another** library dungeon?" Jake groaned as he and Finn returned to the tree fort.

"That was just the Secret Archives Jake," Finn explained. "Now we gotta go through the Super Secret Archives. It's gonna be tight!"

"Eh well at least this dungeon wasn't too boring," Jake shrugged. "Not every day you get to fight an evil dragon librarian made of paper."

"Good thing PB brought that flamethrower," Finn nodded as they went inside. "What the math?"

Inside the fort the Ice King was happily waiting at their table. "Hey bros! Come on in!" Ice King waved. "Pull up a chair and take a load off!"

"You don't have to invite us in!" Jake snapped. "This is our house!"

"Which you are totally trespassing," Finn frowned.

"No, he's not," Betty said as she was working on a large pot of soup on the stove. Her long graying hair was tied back in a ponytail and she was wearing a green shirt and jeans. "I invited him."

"You whaaaaaaaaaat?" Finn blinked.

"What is going on here?" Jake barked.

"I made soup for the Ice King," Betty said simply as she put a steaming bowl of soup in front of the Ice King. "Oh…You can eat hot food right?"

"Oh yeah. It freezes a bit in my mouth but still good…" Ice King nodded excitedly.

"Well eat up," Betty smiled. "Go on. It's good for you."

The Ice King tentatively dipped his spoon in and took a bite. He let out a gasp and Betty could see steam come out of his mouth. "Is it too hot?" Betty asked.

"No, it's…" Tears came to the Ice King's eyes. "Good! It's soooo good!" He dropped the spoon and started slurping soup from the bowl.

"Aw come on man! Use a spoon!" Jake winced. "You're acting like an animal! And coming from a dog that's saying something!"

"Boys," Betty moved the two adventurers aside. "Did you have any idea how physically sick he was? His body is nothing but skin and bones!"

"Well sometimes he's super thin and other times he's plump," Jake shrugged. "I think he has some kind of eating disorder."

"It's kind of hard to tell underneath that robe of his," Finn shrugged. "I think he purposely wears it to hide his body or something."

"And quite frankly we appreciate that," Jake admitted.

"Well I couldn't leave him to starve!" Betty said.

"Yeah I guess you couldn't," Finn said. "It's just…"

"Just what?" Betty asked.

"Now that you've fed him he's never going to want to leave," Jake explained.

"Then it will make it easier for us to keep an eye on him," Betty said sharply.

"More?" The Ice King held out his bowl.

"What's the magic word?" Betty gave him a look.

"Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasseeeeeeee?" The Ice King made his eyes go big and batted them.

"Oh Glob…" Jake winced.

"Here you go," Betty gave him some more. "Now eat slowly."

"Okay," Ice King purred. He slowly slurped his soup.

"Did I say you eat like an animal? I retract that statement," Jake frowned in disgust. "Calling you an animal is an insult to animals everywhere!"

"Boys you can have some soup too if you want," Betty smiled. "I made plenty for everyone."

"Thanks Betty," Finn smiled as he sat down at the table with Jake. "That was really nice of you."

"Well it was the least I could do," Betty said as she poured them soup.

"You can say that again," Jake grumbled. Finn elbowed him. "What?"

"And you think my manners are bad," Ice King gave him a look.

"No, I know they're bad," Jake said as he started to eat soup. "Ooh! This is good soup!"

"Just the thing we needed after a hard day of adventuring!" Finn agreed. "Wow Betty this soup is mathematical!"

"Yeah where did you learn to make soup like this?" Jake asked.

"Well I took a cooking class with…" Betty caught herself. "Someone I cared about very much back when I worked for a college. I wanted to learn how. Plus I wanted to learn how to cook."

"Ooh! You took a class with a special someone! Was it a guy?" Ice King wiggled his eyebrows.

"Uh yes, it was…" Betty admitted. "He took the class to. We kind of met in class."

"Aw I know how it is. He probably took the class because he wanted to get to know a cutie like you," Ice King beamed. "Wow it's just out of JT Dawgzone's book! Take a class to meet cute girls and expand your knowledge for future wooing! Cold peppers! I should do that in the future!"

"This guy you met in class. Let me guess, he **failed?**" Jake nodded his head in the Ice King's direction.

"No, he passed. Barely passed but passed," Betty admitted. "Actually I'm the one who almost failed."

"No way," Finn said.

"It's true," Betty admitted. "S…My friend explained to me that if I approached cooking like I approach my scientific studies I could do it. He was good at making sense of things."

"**He** was good at **making sense of things**?" Jake was skeptical. The Ice King was licking his soup bowl and giggling wildly.

"She said **was,**" BMO was at the table pretending to eat soup. "Notice she used the past tense of verb."

"Oh yeah," Jake nodded. "That makes sense!"

"Oh wow! This is great!" Ice King giggled. He looked in the air dreamily. "That's how I'll meet the babes! I'll take a cooking class! Maybe I might get a cutie as my lab partner? Ooh! If I watch Bubblegum maybe I'll see if she takes a class and…"

Finn jabbed the Ice King in the side with an elbow. "OW!" Ice King glared at Finn. "What'd ya do that for?"

"Hey Ice King," Jake hinted. "Don't you think you should tell Betty how much you **appreciate **her making soup for us?"

"Oh right!" Ice King nodded. "Betty…This soup is so good. I gotta **sing** about it!"

"No, you don't," Finn winced.

"_Behold the brimming broth of soupy goodness! Which has quenched the Ice King's hunger!"_ The Ice King sang. _"Behold the flowing broth of bros, which has been sent to slake the thirst of friendship!" _

"Behold. The man is a nut job," Jake remarked.

"Will you stop acting crazy you lunatic?" Finn shouted.

"_It's soupy! Soupy! Soupy! Soupy Time!" _The Ice King sang and danced around. "_Soupy time! Whooo! Soupy Time! Oh yeah! Bring on the soup! By the bowl or the cup! Bring it on over to fill me up! It's soup time! Soupy! Soupy! Soupy Time!" _

"It's Soupy Time!" BMO cheered as he danced around wildly.

"BMO no. Don't get involved with the crazy man," Jake groaned.

"_Soup! Soup! Soup! Soupy Time!"_ Ice King started twerking around, even going so far as to dance on his hands and twirling. "YEAH!"

"Oh this is just…" Jake winced in pain. "I've never seen such a horrible crash and burn in my life. This is just…I don't know **what **this is! But it's not good I'll tell you that much."

"I'm sorry Betty," Finn sighed. "I know you wanted to see any sign of Simon remembering you and stuff. But I don't think that's gonna happen."

"Yeah he is way too far gone," Jake shook his head as the Ice King danced around the room.

"Actually…" Betty giggled. "This **is** typical Simon behavior."

"Huh whaaaaaaaaaa?" Finn raised an eyebrow.

Flashback to about one thousand years ago give or take a decade…

"BAAAA-BAAAAAAAYY!" A young shirtless Simon Petrikov danced around a living room playing a guitar. He was wearing only shorts and socks and having the time of his life.

"Simon…" A much younger Betty blinked. "How much caffeine have you had?"

"I'm just professing **my love** for you!" Simon cheerfully called out. "You made me **brownies!**"

"They're from a mix," Betty blinked.

"It's still the thought that counts!" Simon told her. "Now I'm gonna sing to you how much you mean to me!"

"Please Simon don't…" Betty groaned.

_ "Brownie time! Betty made me brownies!"_ Simon danced around. _"Betty made me brownies! Brownies! Brownies! Brownies! Well it's so nice! That you made me brownies! You erased my frownies! With your brownies of love!" _

"I never should have told him I like how he looks in shorts," Betty rolled her eyes. "You do realize this is one of the reasons why my girlfriends are always telling me to break up with you right?"

"I am a lyricist!" Simon danced around.

"You are **crazy**," Betty rolled her eyes.

"_Da, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah_…." Simon danced some more.

"I so need to rethink my taste in men," Betty took off her glasses and rubbed her nose in anticipation of a headache.

Back to the present and a very shocked Finn and Jake.

"So you're saying he was **always** a dork?" Jake asked. "And now he's a really old megadork?"

"You should hear about his little hobby he used to have about writing fan fiction," Betty grinned.

"We're aware of **that one,"** Finn frowned as the Ice King and BMO danced around.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Ice King was still happily humming his tune as he flew back into his castle later that evening. "I'm home!" He said cheerfully as he flew through his bedroom window. Some penguins quacked at his return.

"Daddy had a really good day today," He smiled as he landed. "I had nice warm soup. I spent time with Betty and Finn and Jake and BMO and we all had fun. Ahhh…"

"Hey Ice King," Marceline floated in. "How are you doing?"

"Oh hi Marceline," Ice King yawned. "What are you doing here?"

"Just checking in on you to see how you are," Marceline said. "If you're busy I can come back another time."

"Oh no, no," Ice King waved as he lay down on his bed. "You're not interrupting anything. I was just thinking about the good day I had."

"Really? You didn't capture any princesses today did you?" Marceline asked skeptically even though she knew what happened.

"No, didn't have time to do that today," Ice King chuckled as he got comfortable on his bed. "I hung out with Finn and Jake and Betty. You know Betty?"

"The human woman? I've met her," Marceline nodded.

"Betty's so nice. She made me soup Marcy…" The Ice King said dreamily, half asleep. "I don't remember the last time anyone made me soup. It felt so good and warm…"

"Yeah well…Wait **what** did you call me?" Marceline did a double take.

"That's the trouble with being the Ice King," He went on, not hearing her. "I almost never get warm food. I **like** warm food. It's not going to kill me or anything. But I can barely cook warm food up here in the ice castle because you know…Ice. Not only do my powers get in the way…Stove never really works well and when it does half the time it melts through the wall…"

The Ice King let out a breath. "And when I do manage to get any type of food here it almost always gets cool immediately. Again all the ice around here. You see what I'm saying?"

Marceline didn't say anything. The Ice King went on with his eyes closed. "I almost always have to steal warm food because I can't make it and nobody will give it to me. I know it's bad to do it but I can't help myself. But I didn't have to today. She was so nice to me Marcy. I forgot how good warm soup could be…"

"You called me Marcy…" Marceline whispered. "Ice King? Simon?"

He responded by snoring. "Eh I should have known," Marceline shook her head with a smile. "But…You did call me Marcy. Betty was right. There is something of you still in there. Somewhere."

She pulled up the covers on her sleeping friend. "Good night Simon," She gently kissed him on the forehead. "I hope you have good dreams in there." She swore she could see a small smile on her friend's face.


	12. Try To RememberI Forgot

**Try to Remember….I Forgot**

The next morning the Ice King woke up refreshed and full of cheer. "Good morning, Gunter!" He said cheerfully to the penguin sitting on his bed.

"Wenk."

"I had the dream again Gunter," Ice King smiled happily as he got out of bed. "I dreamt that I was dancing in the arms of my princess! Oh I couldn't see her face as usual but this time I **felt** her! I actually could feel her in my arms! She was so warm and soft and…she made me feel alive!"

He picked up Gunter and started twirling around. "It was perfect! We were dancing in a mist of ice and snow but we moved so perfectly…La,la, la…la la laaaaaaaa! Oh I know sometimes that dream makes me so sad but this time it made me **happy**! La la la, la la laaaaa!"

He stopped dancing. "If only I could remember her face! I was so close this time! It could have been Bubblegum. Bubblegum? Maybe? Uh…Doctor Princess? Lumpy Space Princess? No definitely **not** her. My mystery princess was definitely **not **lumpy! Well at least she was in the right places if you get my drift!"

"It must have been the warm soup in my tummy," Ice King smiled. "It gave me good dreams! That Betty is such a nice lady. She'd make some lucky guy a good wife. Lucky, lucky guy…Okay so today we're going to capture a princess! I think we should try Princess Wildberry again? What do you think?"

"Wenk."

"Yeah she is a bit of a drip. Hmm…Aren't there any **new** princesses in town? It's been a while," Ice King thought as he put Gunter down. "How about Ghost Princess?"

"Wenk, wenk…"

"Oh that's right she ascended to Level 50 Dead World a while back," Ice King scratched his head. "Eh, no big loss. I couldn't hold her anyway. And almost every time I did catch her alone she just floated through the bars. The only times she hung around was when there were other princesses to talk to. Okay how about…?"

"Hello? Ice King? Are you there?"

"Betty?" The Ice King blinked. He went to his window and saw Betty all bundled up again. "Betty? What are you doing here?"

"I brought you some food for breakfast," Betty held a basket. "There's hot chocolate in a thermos and I made hot egg sandwiches."

"Oh well…That's…Nice of you," The Ice King blinked. "Uh come on in. And we'll have…breakfast together."

The Ice King looked at Gunter. "She's **back?**" The Ice King was stunned. "Two days in a row? With food? Is this some kind of **sick joke?"**

He quickly looked outside. "That is if you want to have breakfast with me…"

"I'd love to," Betty smiled.

"Oh uh, okay," The Ice King was stunned. "I'll see you inside…"

Ice King turned to Gunter. "Gunter, she **wants** to come back in again! What is going **on **here?"

"Wenk."

"I know **you** don't know! I was just…Oh never mind!" The Ice King was flustered. "Okay so we'll kidnap a princess later! I mean…Two days in a row a woman willingly comes here. That has to be some kind of record!"

"Wenk…" Gunter seemed lost in thought. Then Gunter went off.

"Gunter where are you going?" Ice King snapped. "Stupid penguin. Always running around when I…Oh never mind! I guess I shouldn't keep Betty waiting. I can't believe this. Someone actually wants to _visit me._ Two days in a row!"

It wasn't long before the Ice King was entertaining Betty in his icy dining room. "These are good sandwiches," He smiled as he chowed down on them. "And the hot cocoa is excellent! Betty I can't remember when I had a breakfast this nice."

"Well I've never had breakfast in a dining room completely made of ice," Betty looked around. "It's beautiful."

"Oh this is nothing. I've been meaning to get some remodeling done," The Ice King waved. "I'm glad you came though. And I'm glad you're settling into Ooo better now."

"Well Ooo certainly has its share of surprises I must admit," Betty shrugged.

"Never a dull moment around this place," The Ice King chuckled. "Oh before I forget I have to get something for you."

"You don't have to get me anything," Betty said.

"No, no! I insist! Now where did I put…?" He stood up and looked a bit confused. "Hold on I'll be right back!" He went out of the room. That was when Gunter waddled into the room.

"Wenk," Gunter held up the picture of Betty in her younger days.

"Yes it's me," Betty admitted. "I know. I never should have left him but I had no idea it was the crown that made him…Please. Please don't tell on me. Gunter is it?"

"Wenk," The penguin nodded.

"I want to make this right. But I can't tell him right away or…Well you've lived with the Ice King so I think you know what I am talking about," Betty sighed. "Please. Will you help me?"

"Wenk, Wenk," Gunter nodded and put the picture down. Gunter nuzzled Betty's leg.

"Thanks Gunter. I know I can count on you to help me get Simon's memory back," Betty said. "It's not going to be easy. We're going to have to take things slow."

"Here it is!" The Ice King entered the room again holding a green scarf. "I remembered I had this lady's scarf from somewhere and I thought it would be just perfect for you!"

Betty's eyes opened wide. She remembered that scarf. The scarf the Ice King was holding was actually hers. She must have left it behind in the apartment when she left Simon.

"I don't know where I got this scarf," The Ice King admitted. "I must have picked it up someplace. It seems like I've always had it. But it looks really pretty and I thought you would like it. I know it's kind of old and worn…"

"It's all right," Betty said as she took it. "I had a scarf like this a long time ago. I must have…Why is it wet?"

"Oh it's wet with tears," The Ice King blinked. "Sorry. I'll let it dry…" He put it on the table. "Oh now it's frozen to the table. Table's made of ice and…"

"It's okay. It's the thought that counts," Betty smiled. "Oh you still have some crumbs in your beard."

"I do? Oh…" He tried to get them out.

"No that's making it worse," Betty frowned. "We need to brush these out."

"Well uh…" The Ice King began.

"Can somebody get me a brush?" Betty asked the penguins.

"Wenk," Gunter nodded and waddled off.

"You don't really need to…" The Ice King was a little embarrassed.

"You're all tangled," Betty tisked. "Here let me help. When was the last time you brushed your beard?"

"I…uh, Gunter!" Ice King called out as Gunter waddled in with a brush. "No, that brush is for princesses!"

"Well you're a king and you need it right now," Betty said as she took the brush. She gently started to brush his beard. She wrinkled her nose at the smell. "Oh this is… You really should take better care of yourself."

"I know I should but…" The Ice King blinked.

"Just let me do this," Betty told him as she gently brushed his beard.

The Ice King closed his eyes. He never had such gentle tender contact with another person before. At least from what he could remember. The rhythmic strokes of the brushing soothed him. He began purring from contentment. It had been so long since anyone willingly touched him let alone…

"There, all better," Betty stood back and admired her handiwork. "Now you look more like a king."

"Thank you," Ice King said in a genuine soft voice. "No one has ever done that for me before."

He looked at Betty and couldn't help but blush. He fiddled with his hands. "Would you…like to see my Ice Kingdom?" He asked sheepishly, not knowing what to do.

"I'd like that very much," Betty smiled warmly.

"Okay, hang on tight," The Ice King offered his arm. Betty gave the brush to Gunter and she held on. "Wheeeee!" He called out as he flew into the air.

"Oh!" Betty gasped as they flew.

"Don't worry, I won't let you fall," The Ice King told her as they flew out the window. He made sure he held onto her as they flew over the kingdom.

"It's beautiful here," Betty was in awe. "You made this?"

"Most of it yeah," Ice King nodded. "Every snowflake and mountain as far as the eye can see came from yours truly. I had to do some remodeling after Flame Princess melted my kingdom. Wasn't really her fault but you know?"

Scott the Iceclops waved at them. "Hi Scott! That's Scott!" The Ice King explained. "He's an Iceclops. Nice guy."

"What are **those**?" Betty gasped as she saw something run below.

"Those are the Ice Bulls," Ice King explained. "They help defend the castle and I get some good milk from them. The cows anyway. I think I made them. Not really sure."

They followed the Ice Bulls into the caverns. "This is incredible!" Betty gasped at the deep caverns and jagged icicles.

"Now **those** I know I made!" The Ice King pointed to some Ice Frogs croaking on large ice pillars. "And there's some snow golems over there I made."

The snow golems were picking some fallen icicles and putting them into baskets. They waved happily. "I had no idea there was so much life here…" Betty whispered. "It's like a biologist's dream come true! And you created all of…?"

"Most of it. Not the penguins obviously," The Ice King explained. "Well those penguins yeah but…" He pointed to several penguin sculptures made of ice. "I always thought it was better to create life than destroy it. I mean anyone can destroy life. It takes real skill to make it!"

"It really does," Betty watched in wonder all Simon had accomplished.

The Ice King smiled at her wonder. It made him so happy to make her happy.

He knew she wasn't a princess so nothing could ever really happen between them. But there was something about her…

No, she wasn't a princess. Just a nice human lady who made him feel happy.

It would be nice to have another friend.

"Hey you want to see something really cool?" The Ice King realized. "This way! I want to show you my greatest treasure!"

"Greatest treasure?" Betty blinked.

"Yeah it's right this way!" The Ice King told her as they flew down a dark tunnel into a huge cavern. At the end of a cavern was a huge door.

"Oh you're gonna love this!" The Ice King was giddy as they landed.

"DUHHHH! HI!" A funny looking book with legs, arms and a face toddled out. He took out some paper. "I made some paper hearts!" He showed them.

"**This **is your greatest treasure?" Betty blinked.

"No, he's supposed to be **guarding** my greatest treasure!" The Ice King groaned. "Bad idea, I know. But I couldn't think of anywhere else to put him."

"Is that a living book?" Betty did a double take. "You made a living **book?"**

"Sort of. That was kind of a mistake," Ice King groaned. "Don't ask. Long story. But it's what's inside **here** that's the treasure!"

He opened the door and inside were tons of books and manuscripts all over the room, stacked high in piles. But the real stunning surprise was a huge ice altar with two giant statues on it. One of a cat with big eyes and the other was of a girl wearing a bunny hat.

"Behold! My entire collection of Fiona and Cake fan fiction!" The Ice King proudly proclaimed.

"The **what?"** Betty blinked.

Half an hour later she regretted asking that question.

"Oh Ice King you are the coolest guy in the universe!" The Ice King trilled in a falsetto as he read from one of his books. "And then Fionna, Cake and the Ice King went off to fight space pirates!"

"He's worse than I thought…" Betty muttered under her breath as she put her head in her hands.

"Okay! I've got it! New plan! We go through a magic dungeon and find a way to bring Fionna and Cake to life! HA HA HA!" Ice King laughed as he closed his book.

"Okay why are you obsessed with Fionna who is nothing more than the female version of Finn?" Betty snapped. "You do get that right?"

"Huh?" Ice King blinked.

"Fionna is basically Finn as a girl," Betty went on. "Same outfit styles, same personality almost. Fionna is Finn which means you are well….Interested in Finn."

"Oohhhh…" Ice King blinked. "I didn't think of that."

"And to top it off she's the same age as Finn," Betty gave him another look.

"Yikes!" Ice King realized what she meant. "Okay…new character! Fionna's long lost older sister who is in her twenties!" He started to scribble on the journal. "Oh yeah now we're cooking!"

"Ugh," Betty held her head.

"Thanks by the way for pointing out you know?" The Ice King kept writing. "I can't believe I didn't notice this after twenty five years of writing these stories! But then again the best ideas always do come from the fans!"

"Wait how could you have been writing Fionna and Cake stories for twenty five years when Finn is only…?" Betty blinked. "That doesn't make sense!"

"Lady a lot of things in my life don't make sense," Ice King waved. "I just go with it. It saves me a lot of headaches."

"And I thought those fan fictions he wrote about Norm and Cliff getting superpowers were bad," Betty groaned.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Well today was…interesting," Betty admitted as the Ice King flew them back to the tree house.

"I had so much fun today!" Ice King chirped. "I'm so glad we're friends Betty!"

"Yeah me too," Betty sighed. She heard the sound of music and laughter as they landed. "What's going on in there?"

They opened the door and saw Finn, Jake and BMO dancing with several large bikini clad women in different colors. "Looks like they're having a swinging party and didn't invite me!" Ice King snapped.

"Huh?" Jake then noticed Betty and the Ice King. "Oh hey guys!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Betty yelled. "I thought you two were supposed to…To do that thing with Princess Bubblegum!"

"Yeah well she had an emergency meeting and told us to come back tomorrow," Jake admitted. "So BMO invited some Bikini Babes…"

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" Betty yelled at Jake. "What were you thinking?"

"What's the problem Betty?" Finn blinked.

"The problem is that you are an underage boy dancing around with scantily clad…" Betty fumed. "People!"

"And you didn't invite me!" The Ice King snapped. "But don't worry ladies! Now that the Ice King is here the party can really start!" He started dancing around.

"Ew! No way! I'm out of here!" The Bikini Babes started to leave. Some were flying out the window.

"THAT'S RIGHT! GET OUT OF HERE!" Betty snapped. "AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL FINN IS AT LEAST EIGHTEEN! NO MAKE IT TWENTY! NO! MAKE IT **THIRTY!**"

"AND YOU!" Betty turned on Jake. "SERIOUSLY? HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXAMPLE FOR FINN!"

"I don't see the problem! And BMO's the one…" Jake began.

"Don't you dare blame BMO on this when anyone can see this is all your fault!" Betty pointed at him.

"Wait a minute? Why are you freaking out Betty? It's no big deal!" Finn said.

"The big deal is that you are too young and not ready for…THIS!" Betty snapped.

"What? What do you mean that it's a bad idea to bring around some bikini babes to dance at our place because Finn is…Oh wait I see what the problem is," Jake blinked.

"Lady Rainicorn wouldn't be too happy with you either," Ice King smirked.

"Eessh! I forgot about her!" Jake winced.

"But we were just dancing," Finn protested.

"Dancing with half naked women is not appropriate for a teenage boy!" Betty snapped. "This is not a go go bar! Go to your room **now!**"

"Wait, you can't…" Jake began.

"**NOW!"** Betty shouted.

"I think we'd better do what she says," Finn gulped.

"Ha ha!" Ice King pointed. "You got in trouble!"

"Shut up," Finn grumbled.


	13. If At First You Don't Succeed

**If At First You Don't Succeed**

"And then Betty gave Jake and me this hour long lecture about what's appropriate and what's not for a kid my age!" Finn complained to Bubblegum. They were with Jake in the Candy Kingdom library researching more about the crown and the secret libraries.

"I mean I'm fifteen years old! I can take care of myself but for some reason Betty sees me like some kid," Finn grumbled.

"Finn, you are a kid," Bubblegum gave him a look.

"Yeah but…It's not like anything bad was gonna happen," Finn grumbled. "Man I never thought living with another human would be such a drag. Why is she so on my case about a lot of stuff?"

"Well she is an adult and she probably feels that as the only adult human around that she is responsible for you," Bubblegum explained.

"She's not my mom," Finn said. "She doesn't have to be responsible for me. I never asked her to be. She had no right to break up that party and I'm going to tell her so! Eventually."

"Honestly Finn, I can see Betty's point," Bubblegum said. "And she was right. I don't think you're mature enough to be in situations like that."

"But we were only dancing!" Finn protested.

"Yeah but sometimes dancing like that leads to other stuff," Jake admitted. "I admit it. I wasn't thinking too clear on this one. It's okay if you dance with girls that are wearing more clothes and closer to your age."

"What other stuff?" Finn blinked.

"I thought you had the talk with him?" Bubblegum gave Jake a look.

"Sort of," Jake shrugged. "I covered some stuff. Well I started to."

"Well you should really finish it," Bubblegum told Jake.

"Heeeey Princess," Lumpy Space Princess floated in. "What's going on?"

"We're looking up where there might be information about the crown," Bubblegum explained as she read over a scroll. "Ah ha! Here it is! The location of the Secret Archives. I knew it was somewhere near the Candy Kingdom."

"So nothing else new on the Ice King front? Rats! I promised Turtle Princess that I'd give her more gossip on the whole Betty and the Ice King situation," LSP snapped her fingers.

"Wait you said what?" Jake did a double take.

"Oh yeah I've been telling her everything," LSP said. "She is my BF after all."

"Hold on LSP," Jake warned. "I don't think we should be telling everybody about Betty and Simon. For one thing that's their biz. And another if too many people know, word could get out to the Ice King and spook him."

"Oh man I didn't think of that," Finn realized.

"Yeah so LSP you better shut your trap if you want this plan to work," Jake said. "Who else have you told?"

"Only the other princesses," LSP shrugged. "Oh and my Mom when I visited her in Lumpy Space the other day. And I told some wolves the other day but they don't talk much. Oh and like there were some girls hanging out at the soda shop the other day and…"

"Never mind," Jake groaned. "Just go to the other princesses and spread the word about not telling any more people about this plan, okay?"

"Better tell Betty and Marceline too but I'm pretty sure they've already know enough to keep their mouths shut," Bubblegum said. "Where are they anyway?"

"Betty's visiting the Ice King again and Marceline is watching them," Finn explained.

"Okay. While they're keeping the Ice King distracted let's head over to the Secret Archives," Bubblegum nodded.

"Aww yeah! It's time to get our dungeon crawl on," Jake cheered.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Meanwhile Betty was with the Ice King and they had found themselves at a frozen lake in the Ice Kingdom. "Come on Betty! We can go ice skating!" He said excitedly. He showed her some ice skates. "I found some old ice skates I'm pretty sure are your size! This is going to be fun! I never get to skate with anyone anymore. Well the penguins sometimes but still…"

"You can ice skate?" Betty was surprised.

"Of course I can," Ice King was amused. "I am the Ice King after all. The Master of Ice itself! Let me show you!"

He created some ice skates made out of ice onto his feet and began to skate. "It's easy!" He laughed as he did several turns and triple axels on the ice. "Whoop!"

_Simon could never do that in a million years_, Betty realized. _Then again it has been over a thousand since…_

"Come on! Come on!" Ice King said impatiently as Betty laced up her skates.

"Oh right," Betty nodded. She got onto the ice after putting on her skates. "Let's see if I remember…Oh!" She wobbled a little bit.

"Don't worry!" The Ice King smiled as he caught her. "I've got you."

This triggered a memory inside Betty.

"_Don't worry," Betty said to Simon as he barely stood on his ice skates. "I've got you." _

"_This is even worse than the roller skates," Simon gulped as he tried to move forward awkwardly. "Oh not good! Not good! Simon's in trouble!" _

"_It's okay, you're doing fine," Betty smiled as she patiently skated with him._

"It's okay, you're doing fine," The Ice King's gentle tone brought Betty out of her daze. They skated together. The Ice King holding onto Betty.

Betty felt light and happy as she skated. She saw the penguins and some living snowmen watching them. There was a snow golem happily waving. In the trees she could see Marceline covered in some kind of protective gear watching as well. She gave her a thumbs up.

"This is fun!" The Ice King laughed as they skated.

"It is," Betty smiled. "I'm glad we did this."

"So am I," The Ice King smiled warmly. "WHOA!"

Before they knew it they had fallen right into a snowbank. "Master of Ice huh?" Betty giggled as she brushed snow off her.

"Well some days more like a teacher's assistant," The Ice King laughed. "Oh!"

Betty turned to see what he was looking at. Something was walking towards the bank of the ice. "What is it?"

"Oh hold still," The Ice King whispered. "This is rare even for me. They almost never come out."

"They who?" Betty asked. The Ice King smiled and pointed.

Coming out from behind the trees were three unicorns. Two with completely white coats and one that was grey with a white mane. Their horns were bright and clear like ice. "Unicorns?" Betty gasped.

"Ice Unicorns," Ice King told her. "Just stay still. They spook easy."

The ice unicorns got closer and whinnied as they looked at Betty. "They're beautiful," Betty whispered.

"They like you Betty," The Ice King smiled. "It's not hard to see why."

The ice unicorns came a little closer. Suddenly they whinnied and ran off. "Something must have spooked them," Ice King frowned. "It looks like there's something in the trees over there."

"CAW! CAW!" The sound of crow came from the trees. Rather it was Marceline making a crow call.

"Oh that explains it," Ice King waved as he got up. "Lousy crows." He helped Betty up. "Are you cold? You're starting to shiver."

"Just a little," Betty admitted.

"Better get you back to the tree house to warm you up," Ice King said as he picked her up and flew her over the Ice Kingdom.

"Thank you for taking me ice skating," Betty said. "I had a good time."

"So did I," Ice King beamed.

"And I'll bet we have a better time tomorrow," Betty smiled as the Ice King landed at the doorstep of the tree house.

"Yeah! Tomorrow will be off the hook!" Ice King smiled.

"Then tomorrow it is," Betty smiled as she went inside. "See you then."

"Okay bye! See you tomorrow!" Ice King waved. He flew back to his castle.

Gunter was waiting for him. "Hey Gunter! I had a nice day with Betty and she's coming back tomorrow!" Ice King beamed. Then he got confused. "Wait **what?**"

He turned to Gunter. "Tomorrow? But I'm supposed to kidnap a princess tomorrow!"

"Wenk."

"Well yeah I gotta postpone it again…What is it with this dame?" Ice King asked Gunter. "It's like she's obsessed with me!"

He started to pace back and forth. "I'm not saying it hasn't been fun! I like having Betty over but something is really weird here! Why would she want to spend time with me when…? You don't think she's after something do you?"

"Wenk," Gunter shook her head.

"I still say it's suspicious!" The Ice King grunted. "She has to be after something! I know it!"

"Wenk," Gunter rolled her eyes.

"_Now I ain't saying she's a gold hunter,"_ Ice King danced around. _"But she ain't messing with no broke Gunter! Get down girl! Gotta get down!_ Come on Gunter! Get down! Get funky!_" _

"Wak. Wak."

"Just what are you saying Gunter?" Ice King looked at his penguin.

Gunter patted the Ice King on the leg. "Wenk. Wenk."

"I know you're being real with me Gunter," The Ice King huffed. "You're my Guntz! Spit it out already!"

"Wak, wenk. Wenk. Wenk."

"Whaaaaa….?" The Ice King did a double take. "Are you serious man?"

"Wenk," Gunter gave the Ice King a look. Then Gunter made a shrill cry.

Two penguins emerged. One had a fake beard and a fake crown on its head. The other had a pink wig on and a fake crown. "Wenk!" Gunter made a motion.

"Wenk, wenk," The Ice Penguin King cooed to the Bubblegum Penguin.

"WENK!" The Bubblegum Penguin huffed and turned away.

"Wait is that supposed to be me?" The Ice King pointed to his penguin doppelganger.

"WENK!" Gunter snapped. "Wenk…" She motioned to the other penguins to continue.

"Wak, wak…" The Ice King Penguin tried to woo Bubblegum Penguin. Only to have the Bubblegum Penguin constantly reject the Ice King Penguin and eventually attacked him.

"Wenk wak. Wak Wenk…" Gunter motioned.

"You do have a point," Ice King sighed. "I do find myself drawn to abusive relationships. Maybe because deep down I believe I'm desperate and can't do any better and if I don't let my GF's hate me I'll never be loved."

"Wenk!" Gunter held up a flipper. She motioned to the penguins.

The Bubblegum Penguin walked away. Another penguin waddled in and had on a pair of glasses and a dull red wig that almost looked like Betty's hair. "Wenk, wenk…" The Betty Penguin was the one cooing up to the Ice King Penguin.

"Huh?" The Ice King blinked.

"Wak, wenk!" Gunter pointed to the two penguins. This time the Ice King Penguin was cooing with the Betty Penguin.

"I don't get it," The Ice King was confused.

"WAAAAAKKK!" Gunter squawked. She pointed to the penguins. "Wak!"

"Uh huh," The Ice King blinked.

"Wenk wak…" Gunter pointed. The Ice King Penguin waddled to the Bubblegum Penguin who had come back. The Bubblegum Penguin pushed the Ice King Penguin away.

"Wak, **wenk**!" Gunter pointed. This time the Ice King Penguin waddled to the Betty Penguin and the Betty Penguin hugged the Ice King Penguin.

"Wak!" Gunter motioned. The Ice King Penguin walked over to the Bubblegum Penguin who shoved him away.

"WENK!" Gunter pointed again. Again the Ice King Penguin and the Betty Penguin cooed at each other.

"Hold on a minute…?" The Ice King looked back and forth. "Are you saying that I should give up this ridiculous fantasy of marrying a princess and focus on a woman who really wants me even though she isn't a princess?"

"Wenk!"

"Are you **out of your mind?"** The Ice King roared. "Look Betty's a nice lady I'll give you that and she's fun to hang out with but…Come on! I want a princess!"

"Wenk."

"Yes I am aware they **don't** want me!" The Ice King snapped. "But that's neither here nor there. Besides Bubblegum is the best of the lot and…"

"Wenk!"

"What exactly are you saying Gunter?" The Ice King raised an eyebrow.

"Wak."

"Gunter watch your tone. I know Bubblegum can be a bit well…harsh sometimes but she is still a princess," Ice King warned.

"Wenk. Wak."

"GUNTER! LANGUAGE!" The Ice King gasped.

"Wenk! Wak! Wak! Wak! Wak!" Gunter snapped at the Ice King.

"Wait are you actually saying that you **don't like** Princess Bubblegum?" The Ice King gasped.

"Wenk!"

"You like Betty **better?"** The Ice King's jaw dropped.

"Wak wenk wak!"

"Okay you are really getting a bit salty with your language mister!" The Ice King snapped, completely forgetting that his favorite penguin was actually a female. "You better watch your naughty mouth before I wash it out with soap!"

"Wenk!" Gunter huffed.

"Look it's not that I don't appreciate you looking out for me," The Ice King sighed. "I like Betty. I do. But she's not a princess. And that is that. I just gotta have a princess! I love them so much!"

The Ice King started dancing around. _"There's Princess Bubblegum, Princess Beautiful, Princess Bounce House we can have a ball! I love princesses so much I have to have them all!" _

"Wenk, wenk, wenk…" Gunter banged her head against the icy wall until it cracked.


	14. Crown History 101

**Crown History 101**

"Look I'm just saying for a dungeon that's supposed to contain all the history and knowledge of the world, it could do better," Finn remarked as he walked through the darkened hallways of a giant library with Jake and Bubblegum.

"I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed too," Jake said. "I mean come on! All we had to fight was half dozen undead warrior librarians and a giant three headed dog. And one of the heads was asleep."

"All you had to do was get big and bark and it ran off screaming," Finn nodded. "Well two of the heads were screaming anyway."

"Hold up guys. We're near the right section of the library," Bubblegum held up her hand. She was carrying a flashlight and wearing her pink outfit she wore while dealing with the Sky Witch. "This way…"

"I wish we still had the Enchiridion," Finn sighed. "I bet there would have been something in there."

"Well we don't but we do have the closest thing to it," Bubblegum said as she scanned the books. "Ah ha! I think I've found it!"

She put on a pair of gloves. "These books are old and could fall apart. Better let me handle it," Bubblegum told them.

"Hey you're the brains, Princess," Jake said.

"The Encyclopedia of Cursed Objects and Magical Items," Bubblegum pulled it out and went to a podium nearby. She placed the book on the podium and started looking through it. "If there's any information about the crown. It would be in here."

"What are those words? I don't recognize any of them," Finn looked over Bubblegum's shoulder.

"It's in an old language called Archemidial Latin. Fortunately I know this language and I can translate," Bubblegum started looking at the book.

"Well that's great," Finn nodded.

"Let's see, magic ice cream, magic ice crow…" Bubblegum looked through the book. "Ah ha! Here it is! Magic Ice Crown. Hmm…This is it!" She pointed to the picture in the book which looked exactly like the Ice King's crown.

"That's the Ice King's crown all right!" Finn said. "What does it say Peebles?"

"Yeah Sister give us the scoop," Jake nodded.

"Long ago, before the time of before the time of man…" Bubblegum read from the tome. "Ice covered the world. And those that knew how to use the magic of ice and snow ruled the world."

"Are you saying there was a whole **race** of Ice Kings way back in the past?" Jake was stunned.

"Ice Wizards. Actually the name of their race was Frostkin," Bubblegum explained. "They were ruled by a royal family that had an Ice King and an Ice Queen in power. According to this it was a law that there had to be both a king and queen to rule the land in harmony. Both had a crown of power equal to the other. Until one day an evil queen took the throne."

Bubblegum went on. "Her name was Sifine. While her husband Gunter was kind, she was cruel. But she was insanely possessive of him as well as of the power…"

"Hold it! The evil queen's husband's name was King _**Gunter?"**_ Finn interrupted.

"Well that explains the penguins," Jake shrugged.

"Sifine wanted to rule everything and keep the world in a constant state of ice and snow even though the world's climate was changing," Bubblegum read. "In order to increase her power she sacrificed her beloved husband the king and combined her magic tiara with his magic crown, turning two into one. Then she used the life force of all Frostkin to power the crown and give her the power she needed to rule, at the cost of her subjects."

"Are you saying she…?" Finn's eyes widened.

"Killed her entire race so she would be the only one to rule," Bubblegum nodded. "But the spell backfired and it killed her body and trapped her spirit inside the crown."

"So this crazy queen wiped out not only her own husband but her own race just for power?" Finn gasped. "That's messed up!"

"No wonder the Ice King is so whack," Jake realized. "If the spirit of that crazy witch is in his brain…"

"The Ice King isn't responsible for all the trouble he's caused," Bubblegum nodded. "I may not have that much faith in magic but I do know that evil spirits do exist."

"So what else does it say about the crown?" Finn asked.

"Over the centuries many warriors and kings have coveted the crown," Bubblegum read. "And all who coveted it fell under its curse. And soon perished for the crown also drained the life force of the wearer."

"Wait hold on, if the crown sucks the life out of people and kills them, why is the Ice King immortal?" Finn was confused.

"Because those people desired the power of the crown and chose to use its power for themselves," Bubblegum explained. "The Ice King didn't seek power in the beginning. The crown **chose** him and then influenced him to want its power. Or more likely Sifine chose him for some reason. Maybe he reminded her of her husband? I don't know."

"Oh I get it, it's like one of those paradox things," Jake said. "A dude that looks for power and immortality gets killed but the other dude who isn't looking for it lives forever."

"That's basically what I just said," Bubblegum replied.

"So basically the crown made him immortal because it liked him," Finn said.

"Yes, Finn we've just established that," Bubblegum sighed. "Are we clear now?"

"Yeah. So what happened next?" Jake asked.

"According to this the last bearer of the crown before the Ice King was a young healer named Symon the Pure during the age of the Vikings," Bubblegum read.

"Symon?" Finn blinked.

"With a **y,**" Bubblegum nodded. "There is definitely a pattern here."

"No kidding," Jake blinked.

"Anyway Symon the Pure was eventually able to fight off the crown's possession long enough to freeze it in a glacier and sunk it into the bottom of the ocean," Bubblegum read. "At the cost of his life and there it remains out of the hands of man for eternity."

"Well that last part is bunk," Finn made a huff. "I mean if it was frozen to the bottom of the ocean, how did Simon get it?"

"The one with the I in his name, not the y," Jake added.

"There is a theory about global warming," Bubblegum shrugged. She took out a small device. "I'm going to make a holographic scan about this and anything I can find about Frostkin and Sifine."

"Don't forget any information about Symon the Pure," Finn reminded. "That might help too."

"Good idea," Bubblegum scanned the information. "There really is a lot more here than I thought. We are definitely on the right track to…"

A ghostly moan interrupted her. "What was that?" Bubblegum gasped.

"All right! Finally some real action!" Jake grinned.

A huge lumbering grey thing oozing slime all over its body emerged, hacking and coughing. "Does anyone have a tissue?" It coughed.

"Uh I think I have a spare handkerchief," Finn pulled it out of his backpack. "You can uh…Keep it…" He handed it to the monster.

"Thanks. Bye…" It started to lumber away.

"Wait you don't want to fight us man?" Jake called out.

"Only thing I'm fighting right now is this cold. Ugh…" The monster left the room.

"Aw man you have got to be **kidding!**" Finn spat in disgust.

"Lamest dungeon, ever!" Jake grumbled.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Later that night there was a meeting in the tree fort. "It all matches. The crown was found off the coast of Scandinavia by a fishing boat," Betty said after hearing Bubblegum's report. "At least that's what Simon told me." She poured herself a cup of tea and sat down on the couch.

"The glacier probably melted and the crown was most likely picked up in a fishing net," Bubblegum nodded as she knelt next to the table looking at her notes.

"Now we know where the crown came from and that it's an evil spirit that changed Simon, not the crown itself," Betty said. "That's something I guess."

"I knew that crown had a lot of evil in it but I had no idea it was **that** evil," Marceline grumbled. "This Sifine killed off her entire race and the man she supposedly loved just for power. That's sick."

"No kidding," Jake nodded. "But we still haven't any clues on how to get rid of that evil."

"Aren't there some kind of…I don't know, exorcisms or something to suck her out?" Betty asked.

"Not with evil that powerful," Bubblegum shook her head. "I could make a machine to try and suck it out but I don't know if it will work. From what I understand based on the evidence, it would be difficult. Anyone who wears the crown or even possesses it for a long period of time could be corrupted."

"Wait a minute…" Finn remembered something. "Jake wore the crown once and it didn't affect him!"

"What?" Bubblegum was stunned.

"Are you serious?" Betty was shocked as well.

"Yeah I remember! See the Ice King stole our sandwiches and we had to fight really hard to get them back," Jake remembered. "And we beat him and tied him up and I wore his crown while I ate my sandwich. It was really yummy."

"Wait, you actually **wore** the crown and you didn't hear any voices or anything?" Marceline asked.

"Not really. Unless you count the Ice King's whining," Jake shrugged.

"How come you never told me this?" Marceline yelled.

"Didn't think it was important," Jake shrugged.

"Hello? The fact that you're immune to the crown's powers is **majorly important!"** Marceline shouted.

"I agree," Betty said. "Jake your immunity to the crown's power could be the key we need to save Simon!"

"But why is Jake immune?" Finn blinked.

"It's because I got magic stretchy powers," Jake shrugged.

"More likely your mutation prevents the crown from taking over," Bubblegum corrected. "Whatever the reason this is definitely a step in the right direction. But we still need more information."

"What kind of information?" Marceline asked. "I've already told you everything I know about the crown."

"Not everything. I know this will be painful for you Marceline but we need to know what happened the last time you saw Simon, before he turned into the Ice King," Bubblegum said gently. "It might give us some clues we need to help fight the crown."

"I know this it's major painful Marceline," Finn said softly. "But if there's a chance there's something in that story that can give us some kind of clue…"

"Okay, I get it. But to get the whole story I have to tell **another **story before that one," Marceline sighed. "So the other story will make sense."

"All right," Bubblegum made herself comfortable on the couch. "Go ahead."

"This is the story of one of my earlier adventures with Simon," Marceline explained as she floated in the air cross legged. "This is also the story about how the Ice King first came into contact with penguins. And a very dangerous foe…"


	15. Simon And Marcy At The Aquarium

**Simon And Marcy At The Aquarium**

About a thousand years ago there was a great and terrible war. A war so terrible it wiped out almost all life on Earth. But life survived.

"_Give me one and give me two! Give me a big blue shoe!"_ Simon sang cheerfully as he carried the five year old Marcy on his shoulders along with his backpack. _"Give me three and give me four, spin me round and round the floor!" _

"_One two, a big blue shoe!"_ Marcy sang along with Simon happily. "_Twirl me round and round some more!" _

"Okay!" Simon smiled as he lifted her off his back and twirled her around.

Marcy laughed. "Down Simon! Down!"

"All right, time to give my shoulders a break," Simon smiled as he put her down. Marcy took off running happily.

It had only been a few weeks since Simon had found the precocious five year old but already a strong bond had formed between them. Simon had fallen head over heels with Marcy and loved her as if she was his own child. And Marcy had found a father figure with Simon and was devoted and dependent on him.

"Slow down Marcy," Simon called out. "I don't want you running too far ahead of me."

Marcy of course didn't listen. She happily ran along until she slipped and fell arms first on some rubble. "Aaahh!"

"Marcy!" Simon ran to her. "Are you all right Darling?"

"Hmmm…" Marcy sniffed and whimpered trying not to cry.

"There, there. Let Simon take a look," Simon helped her up and looked at her arm. She had a scratch on her elbow. "Now hang on while I make it better."

He dug out a small tube from his pack. "Let me put this on first so the cut doesn't get infected." He cleaned off the wound as best he could with a handkerchief then put on the solution.

"Ow…" Marcy winced.

"I know it hurts a little dear, but we don't want you to get sick now do we?" Simon told her as he pulled out a band aid and put it on.

"Still hurts," Marcy sniffed.

"I'm hurting you because I love you," Simon smiled. He kissed her elbow. "There. All better."

"Better," Marcy smiled back at Simon.

"That's my tough little girl. You hungry?" Simon asked. Marcy nodded and hummed. "Hmmm…Me too. There's got to be some food **somewhere** in this city."

"All right. Let's start scavenging," Simon clapped his hands. "Remember Marcy, it's like a game. Check everything out but don't go too far from me."

"And not to go into buildings alone," Marcy added.

"That's right. Because buildings could be unstable and could cave in on your head and that would hurt a lot," Simon smiled as he messed up Marcy's hair. "Now let's use our thinking caps, Marcy. Where is a good place to start when looking for food?"

"Uh supermarkets, stores…" Marcy counted off. "And restaurants."

"Very good. And sometimes you can find food in other places too…" Simon looked around. "Ah ha…See that mailbox over there? Let's check inside it and see if there are any packages."

The mailbox door nearby was half open so it was easy to look inside. "Now Marcy, normally we're not supposed to touch other people's mail," Simon told her as he found a stick and pried open the mailbox door. "But since the post office has shut down I suppose we can check it out."

"There's a package inside," Marcy pointed.

"You're right," Simon pulled it out. "Sorry Mr. Sarantino but we need to check your package for delicious items." He opened the small package with his claws. "Ah ha! Jackpot! A tin of cookies!"

"Yay!" Marcy cheered as Simon opened the tin.

"Not spoiled. It's okay," Simon checked it out. He handed Marcy a cookie. "Now Marcy only one cookie for now because I don't want to spoil your dinner. We'll save the rest for later. Okay?"

"Okay…" Marcy grinned as she ate the cookie happily.

"What do we say?" Simon asked.

"Thank you Simon," Marcy grinned with crumbs on her mouth.

"You're welcome. Good girl," Simon smiled as he wiped away the crumbs and put the tin in his backpack. "Let's keep looking. No other packages in here. So where else can we look?"

"I dunno. What is that building?" Marcy asked. She pointed to a large white building down the street with a huge fish sign on top of it.

"It's called an aquarium," Simon frowned. "It's where people come to look at…fish."

A thought then occurred to him. "Maybe…? Come on Marcy! Let's go to the aquarium!"

"Okay," Marcy nodded happily as Simon ran to the building with her in his arms.

"Is it safe?" Marcy asked as they got to the building.

"Looks kind of sturdy," Simon looked around. "Don't see any damage. And there isn't as much destruction on this side of town as the other side. So it might be okay."

He put Marcy down and tried the doors. "Locked! Maybe there's another door we can go into?"

They walked around the building. "Simon it looks like there was water here at one point," Marcy noticed.

"There was. A lot of the ocean is dried up," Simon said bitterly. "At least the shoreline anyway."

He sniffed the air. "There is some water further down. I can smell the sea. Of course with this nose I can smell pretty much anything."

"We can't drink sea water can we?" Marcy frowned.

"No. We can't. So there's no point in going further that way. There **has **to be a way to get inside somehow," Simon looked around the building. His fingers seemed to twitch as he reached down to the crown tied to his belt.

"NO!" He forced his hand to pull away. "There has to be **another** way!" He looked around. "If I could just break that window over there…"

He then noticed a large tree nearby the window. "Maybe…?" He looked at it. "It could work. Yes! It **has** to work. But we need an axe in order to…"

He saw a fire station down the road. "Hold the phone I think I know where we can get an axe."

It wasn't long before Simon had acquired an axe and had returned to the aquarium to put his plan in motion.

"Marcy, axes are very sharp and very dangerous," Simon told her as he put her a distance away next to a tree stump. "Only let a grownup touch them. Like me. Understand?"

"Uh huh," Marcy nodded.

"Now you and Hambo sit **right here** where I can see you," Simon told her. "I'm going to be swinging this thing and I don't want you running around close where you could get hurt. I'm going to chop that tree so it will fall into the window and break it. It's very dangerous if you come too close. So stay here until I come get you. Okay?"

"Okay Simon," Marcy said innocently. "I'll watch Hambo and make sure he doesn't run off too."

"That's a good girl," Simon kissed her forehead. He took off his backpack, jacket and vest. "Be right back." He took the axe and went over to the tree.

"Okay Simon. Time to break out your inner lumberjack," He rolled up his sleeves and started chopping. "Ugh my inner lumberjack wishes I found a chainsaw instead."

What seemed like several minutes passed as Simon chopped the tree with very little progress. "Whoo…This is harder than I thought," Simon panted. He was actually starting to sweat.

He seemed to debate something and his hand drifted to the crown at his belt for a moment. "NO!" He shouted. He had renewed energy and kept swinging the axe. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

His determination gave him the strength he needed. Soon the tree fell and crashed right into the building. "All right! Whoo! Score one for Simon the Lumberjack!" Simon whooped with delight. "_I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!_ WHOO HOO!"

"You did it Simon!" Marcy cheered.

"Yeah I did," Simon beamed proudly as he put the axe down and wiped the sweat off his brow. "There's nothing ol' Simon can't do when he puts his mind to something."

"Simon, couldn't you have broken the glass with your axe instead of chopping down the tree?" Marcy thought aloud. "Simon…"

"**Now **you tell me…" Simon moaned as he panted.

After a few minutes of catching his breath and putting his coat back on again, Simon took Marcy inside, carefully carrying her indoors.

"Careful of the broken glass Marcy," Simon said as he put her down.

"It's dark in here," Marcy said in a worried voice.

"Oh the dark can't hurt us," Simon waved. "The dark can protect us."

And with that Simon bumped into something. "OW! It's the things in the dark we gotta worry about," Simon brushed his nose. He realized he walked into a door in a wall. "Looks like a closet of some kind. And it's unlocked! Stay here!" He took out a small flashlight from his backpack and opened the door. He turned on the flashlight and looked around.

"See anything?" Marcy asked nervously.

"Uh hold on…" Simon rummaged around. "Ah here we go!" He pulled out something from a shelf and inspected it.

"Well we have an extra flashlight. That's always a good thing," Simon checked it and put it in his backpack. "So much work for a little light."

"No food?" Marcy asked as he came out of the storage closet.

"Not even a cracker," Simon grumbled. "Let's keep looking."

"Why did they keep the fish here?" Marcy asked as they walked among the empty exhibits.

"To look at them. In some cases to help preserve the species," Simon explained as they carefully looked around. At Marcy's quizzical look Simon explained. "Some fish and animals were rare so they kept them these aquariums so they wouldn't die out and become extinct."

"Oh," Marcy nodded. "So it's like a zoo."

"That's right."

"Do think that will happen with people? We haven't seen any since the big bombs blew everything up. You think somebody will put people in a zoo in order to save them?"

"I don't know," Simon sighed. "But I wouldn't want to live my life in some kind of cage. Cages…are not nice places to be Marcy."

Simon shone his flashlight around. All the exhibits were broken into and destroyed. A lot of the water that had housed the fish had long since evaporated but left the smell of fish and mildew around them.

"Ewww it stinks in here," Marcy made a face.

"All the fish are gone. Eaten…" Simon sighed. "Even the sharks. I guess it was too much to hope that…"

"But what ate all the fish Simon?" Marcy asked noticing several fish bones on the floor. "Something had to eat them."

Suddenly there was a sound behind them. "What's that?" Simon turned around. There was something in the shadows. "Marcy stay behind me!"

Marcy hid behind Simon's leg fearfully. Simon growled and his hands drifted to the crown and removed it from the loop. "All right! Whoever you are…come on out! Now! Don't bother hiding in the shadows! I see you moving around! Out here! Now!"

"Wenk…" It was a penguin. It looked at them with big sad eyes.

Simon was stunned. Then some more penguins emerged from the shadows. Simon put the crown back on its loop. "What are those Simon?" Marcy asked nervously.

"They're penguins," Simon realized. "It's okay Marcy. They won't hurt us."

"Wak…Wenk…" Timidly the penguins waddled up to them.

"They're birds," Marcy realized as she came from behind Simon.

"Yes, they're birds," Simon smiled for a moment.

"If they're birds, why don't they just fly out the hole in the window?" Marcy asked as she crept closer to look at the penguins.

"Oh penguins can't fly. They swim in the ocean," Simon explained. "They usually live in cold climates where there is a lot of ice and snow."

"Weird," Marcy blinked as the penguins surrounded them. One nuzzled Marcy and she giggled with glee.

"Poor little things are starving," Simon patted the head of one of the penguins. "They must have been trapped down here so they didn't get as much of the radiation."

"Yeah but they got smarter," Marcy noticed. "They must have figured out how to get the fish."

"I guess so," Simon sighed. "Huh?"

"Wak! Wenk! Wenk!" The penguins all started gathering around Simon. Many of them rubbed on his legs affectionately.

"They like you Simon!" Marcy said.

"I guess it's because I'm so cold," Simon was a little embarrassed at all the penguins nuzzling his legs. "It is kind of warm down here. Too warm for penguins."

"Then we got to get them out of here," Marcy said.

"We have to take them to the ocean," Simon said. "They'll be able to feed themselves and be safe there."

"But the ocean's dried up," Marcy said.

"Not all of it," Simon said. "I bet if we walk a short way we might be able to find some water. Okay. You guys all want to get out of here?"

The penguins made a chirp of agreement. "All right then! Let's go…" He turned around and the penguins started to follow him.

Soon all the penguins were outside the aquarium and were following Simon and Marcy down the dried up coastline. They seemed to be doing a little better and were quacking happily, following Simon in a straight line.

"Apparently I'm some kind of penguin Pied Piper," Simon said in an amused tone. "I know I have an attractive personality but this is ridiculous."

"I can walk like a penguin!" Marcy said cheerfully as she imitated the penguins.

"They need to get to water and somewhere cool and comfortable or else…" Simon frowned. Then he saw something in the distance. "There's something out there."

They moved towards the figure. It was moaning in pain. The penguins started quacking in fear. "It's okay," Marcy said to the penguins. "Simon will check it out."

"Marcy you stay with the penguins," Simon said as he got closer to the figure lying next to some kind of large vehicle that was probably a boat. It was now nothing more than a mangled wreck. There were pools of green foul smelling slime all around.

Simon carefully made his way to the figure. It was in the shape of a man lying face down on the ground. "I think it's a person…" Simon realized. "He's wearing some kind of uniform. Must be a soldier…"

Simon went to get a closer look at the person. He could see that it used to be a high ranking soldier's uniform. His head was balding, what was once black hair was falling out. The soldier was wearing a name tag that said Lichfield.

"Uhhh…" The soldier managed to get to his knees.

"Easy friend. I think you have some kind of radiation sickness," Simon said gently as he knelt down next to him.

The soldier coughed up something green and sour smelling. "I'm **fine**…" The man's eyes were glowing green. He started to laugh menacingly.

"Easy Mister…Lich…" Simon began before the radiation covered soldier snarled and leapt at Simon. Simon barely managed to roll out of the way.

"Dieeeee…." The soldier hissed manically.

"Oh momma…" Simon's eyes widened. He barely dodged out of the way of the man's grasp.

As the man's hand missed Simon and hit the ground, a hiss from the ground was heard. The Earth seemed to burn at his touch. "Oh Momma…" Simon got to his feet quickly. "MARCY RUN!"

"WAK! WAK! WAK!" The penguins turned and ran in fear. Well as fast as penguins on land with no ice could move.

"Simon!" Marcy yelled.

The soldier got to his feet and cackled madly, green slime oozing from his body. "MARCY RUN NOW!" Simon yelled. He knew what he had to do. He grabbed his crown and instantly started shooting out ice and snow at the figure.

"SIMON! NO!" Marcy cried out. One of the penguins turned back for her and tried to pull her away using its little beak hanging onto her dress.

The monster snarled as the snow melted at the touch of his skin and vaporized into some kind of smoke. That didn't deter Simon. "You have provoked my wrath! You want to see real power?" Simon cackled as he made the sky grow darker and darker. Almost instantly he conjured up a blizzard.

It was soon white out conditions. "Simon!" Marcy cried out. Cold and blinded by the snow. "SIMON!"

"Wenk! Wak!" The penguins gathered around Marcy, huddling around her and shielding her with their bodies. Marcy had little choice but to crouch down and let the penguins protect her from the storm. The penguins tried to comfort the frightened child by nuzzling her.

For what seemed like forever the storm raged and the sounds of maniacal laughter and inhuman screams was heard. Then silence. Eventually the penguins moved away, shoving clumps of snow off their bodies.

"Simon?" Marcy poked her head out of the penguin huddle, there was some snow on her head and shoulders. "Simon?"

There was nothing but ice and snow everywhere. Huge piles of snow and chunks of ice as big as buildings. In the middle of it, Simon was on his knees. The crown was off his head and he looked confused.

"Simon! Simon!" Marcy ran to him, finding it difficult because the snow was now up to her waist. "Simon!"

"Marcy?" Simon blinked. He seemed to be in a bit of a fog.

"Are you okay Simon?" Marcy asked nervously.

"Y-yeah…I'm fine…" Simon had reverted back to his usual self, since he had removed the crown. He looked around and saw all the ice and snow surrounding them. "Did I do all this?"

"Uh huh, and that too…" Marcy pointed to a huge ice block. The mutant that attacked them was frozen inside. "That Lich person is all froze up."

"Well Lich is as good a name as any for what…Whatever that man is now," Simon shuddered. "Hopefully that ice will keep him in there for a while."

"You got really scary," Marcy sniffed. "The snow was so cold…"

"I'm sorry Marcy. But I had to do it to protect us," Simon hugged her tightly. He frowned as she shivered on contact with his body. "Oh you're cold!" He took off his jacket and wrapped it around Marcy's body. "We have to get you somewhere warm!"

"I'm okay," Marcy shivered a little. "Thanks to the penguins."

The penguins quacked happily as they waddled in the snow. "Penguins are people too Marcy," Simon smiled as he watched the penguins frolic in the ice he created.

"Well they needed someplace cold to live in and you sure delivered," Marcy said.

"Yeah I think our little friends are going to be okay," Simon smiled. He looked at Marcy. "And we'll be okay too. I promise."

The Present…

"Whoa…" Finn's eyes widened as Marceline finished the story. "You guys tangled with the Lich before…"

"Before he fully became the Lich yeah," Marceline sighed. "Simon later told me that his name was Lichfield. That was the name of a famous general during the war. It could have been him."

"So you're saying there was a time when the Lich was **human?**" Finn was stunned.

"Part of him was," Marceline waved. "He could have been warped by the toxic chemicals or his body might have been possessed by evil. We didn't exactly sit around and debate it. Kind of had other priorities."

"Like what?" Jake asked.

"Uh, like **surviving**?" Marceline gave him a look.

"Oh right, it was the apocalypse," Jake remembered.

"After that we left the penguins where they were and were on the road again," Marceline said. "Where we wandered for a long time. And that's basically it."

"Go on with the next story Marcy," Betty prompted her. "I know it will be difficult but we need to hear it."

"For a long time that was the last we saw of the penguins and the Lich," Marceline explained. "Until years later. When I was about ten years old…"


	16. Snowfall

**Snowfall**

A bit over 900 years ago Marcy and Simon were trudging through a destroyed city. Marcy was older now. She was almost to the height of Simon's chest and her black hair was longer, almost past her shoulders. Her overall dress was almost too small for her. It was faded and tattered along with her shirt. Her shoes had holes in them with her toe peeking out of her right foot.

Still she had plenty of energy and strength to explore the ruins. Simon on the other hand was another story.

His hair and beard had grown longer and was completely white. His nose was longer and his skin was the blue shade he was known for. He no longer wore any glasses or his vest. His clothes were also tattered and torn. He looked tired as he trudged behind Marcy, carrying the backpack as if it were a heavy weight.

But the heavier one hung at his side, gleaming in what little light there was. Simon's eyes looked haunted and tired. A man worn down completely by life.

A man who had very little time left.

"Are you okay Simon?" Marcy looked at her friend. She was carrying Hambo as usual.

"Oh yeah," Simon waved. "I'm okay. Old Simon isn't as young as he used to be."

They went down a deserted street filled with destroyed cars and houses. "You know what I really **miss** since the world ended?" Simon sighed. "Tacos!"

"Here we go," Marcy rolled her eyes.

"Yummy meaty meat filled crunch with cheese…" Simon was delirious with hunger. "It's even fun to say! Taco! Ta-co. Taaa-co! TAAAACOOOOOO!"

"Simon…" Marcy noticed something.

"Taco! Taco!" Simon called out. "Get your fresh hot tacos! TACOS!"

"Simon where are your shoes?" Marcy looked at him. Indeed he was barefoot.

"Don't have 'em," Simon shrugged.

"Simon! Did you throw away your shoes **again**?" Marcy groaned.

"Maybe…?" Simon whistled.

"Simon…" Marcy's tone was angry.

"Marcy you don't need shoes in the apocalypse," Simon rolled his eyes. He started to giggle. "That's a great title for a song! _You don't need shoes in the apocalypse! You don't need coats and ties! You don't need shoes in the apocalypse! Folks think it's civilized! But it's a bunch of lies!" _

"Simon stop acting crazy! You're getting worse," Marcy frowned.

"Oh come on Gunter I'm fine," Simon waved. He then realized what he said. "Uh I mean…Marcy. Yeah. Marcy I'm fine. Marcy that's your name. Got it."

Marcy made a worried noise. "Marcy I don't even **need** shoes anymore. Look…" He wiggled his clawed toes. "They're like claw thingies…And my callouses have callouses. Pretty tough actually. It just feels better to not wear 'em."

"That's what you said about your glasses," Marcy was worried.

"Yeah well…Who needs to see all this garbage clearly?" Simon waved. "Actually I see a lot of things way too clearly. Like that flying hippopotamus over there."

Marcy looked at him. "Yes I know **you** can't see it! Nobody but me can see these weird things but they're there!" Simon threw up his hands. "It's these crazy eyes that see into other dimensions! It's not my fault!"

"Come on Simon, let's find your shoes," Marcy took him by the hand.

"I don't wanna wear shoes!" Simon made a raspberry. "Feels unnatural. I like my toes to be **free!"** He wiggled them happily. "I mean what good is living in a post-apocalyptic era when you have to still wear shoes? That's one of the great things about the end of the world! You can wear anything you want! Who cares?"

"**I **care Simon!" Marcy shouted. "You're slipping into crazy!"

"I know. I know," Simon sobered up. "But I'm fine. Really. I don't need shoes. I'm okay. Just be thankful I'm still wearing **pants**."

"Why don't we get out the maps and see where we are?" Marcy suggested.

"Good idea," Simon sat down on a ruined sidewalk. He pulled out some old battered maps from his backpack. "All right. Now let's see where we are. Now we came from the east on Highway 456 and we were heading west on Highway 457 towards the mountains…"

He looked around at the ruined city. "I don't think we're in the mountains yet."

He looked at the map some more. Then he turned it right side up. "Oh that's better."

"So?" Marcy asked as she sat down beside him.

"I have no idea where we are," Simon sighed.

"So basically the same old same old," Marcy smiled.

"Yeah…" Simon sighed. "No matter where you go, there you are."

"Don't worry Simon. You always figure out where we are and where we go," Marcy encouraged him.

"Yeah I do…" Simon smiled. "I wonder if we can find any tacos?"

"Not the tacos again!" Marcy groaned. "You are going crazy you know that?"

"Well this world is crazy so why not be a little crazy?" Simon asked. "It helps you survive. It's gotten us this far."

"That true," Marcy smiled. "Just you and me and Hambo."

"You and me and Hambo," Simon looked at Hambo. "Hey, Hambo? How's it going?"

Marcy held up her battered doll. "I'm fine Simon!" Marcy spoke in a cheerful voice.

"Ooh looks like you have a tear," Simon put the map down for a moment and inspected Hambo. "I have just the thing…" He pulled out a small needle from his backback.

"We're running low on string," Marcy frowned.

"Oh I have string," Simon pulled a frayed piece of thread from his old coat. He pulled until it was long enough. "Lots and lots of string." He broke it apart with his teeth and quickly sewed up the tear. "All better. See? Old Simon's still good for something!"

"You're the best Simon!" Marcy took Hambo back and then hugged her dear friend.

"Yeah…" Simon smiled. "We're best buddies you and me."

"Best buddies forever," Marcy beamed.

"Forever and ever…" Simon smiled back. He felt a spark of joy looking into her eyes. "Now, let's see if we can figure out where we are!" He went back to the map. "Nope still no idea."

"Maybe another map?" Marcy asked.

"Well…" Simon pulled two other maps out and looked at them. "Ugh…The landscape is changing more and more."

"A lot of the buildings are crumbling and covered with plants now," Marcy noticed.

"That's a good sign. It's nature trying to fix the mess the war made," Simon nodded. "Come on Marcy. Let's go this way."

They got up and turned a corner. Then they saw something in the distance. "Is that…**ice**?" Simon blinked as they walked closer.

Indeed there were clumps of ice all over the place. And water in front of them. "I know this place…I've been here before…" Simon realized. "**We've** been here before!"

He looked at a building nearby and saw that even though it was covered up he knew the place. A large tree had been chopped and had fallen into the window of the place. "It can't be…"

"Wenk! Wenk!"

"Hey aren't those the penguins?" Marcy asked. She pointed in the distance and indeed there were penguins waddling around. Some were frolicking in the water.

"So they are…" Simon actually remembered. "That means…Oh no! We've been going in **circles!"**

He fell to the ground on his knees. "No, no, no, no…There's **nothing** here! We can't scavenge any food here because it's all **gone!" **

"Simon it's not your fault," Marceline patted him on the back. "Those maps aren't any good anymore."

"You're right! STUPID MAPS!" Simon grabbed the maps and tore them to shreds with his claws. "STUPID USELESS MAPS! WHAT GOOD ARE YOU NOW? HUH? WHAT?"

"Simon!" Marcy was stunned.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Simon roared to the sky as he walked away, angrily pacing back and forth. "IS THIS WHAT YOUR STUPID WAR ACCOMPLISHED HUH? TO MAKE US LOST AND HUNGRY AND FOR EVERYONE TO DIE? WELL I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY! I HOPE YOU ALL BURN IN HELL YOU MISERABLE…."

He made a choking rage sound and howled some more. "STUPID HUMANS! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!" He collapsed to the ground, sobbing and throwing his arms and legs down wildly like he was a toddler having a tantrum. "Stupid…"

"Simon please…" Marcy begged as she ran to him.

"We haven't found any food in days. We're out of supplies. We can't even find decent clothes or shoes…" Simon sniffed as he got to his knees. "I don't care about myself as much as…I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Marcy you deserve better than **this.**"

"It's okay Simon…" Marcy hugged him from behind. "At least we haven't seen any monsters for a while."

"That's because they all **starved** to death!" Simon wailed.

"It's gonna be okay Simon," Marcy kept hugging him.

"Oh my dear child…" Simon couldn't stop crying. "It's not okay. I can't even take care of you properly."

"That's not true. You take great care of me," Marcy hugged him tighter.

Simon turned around and held onto her tightly. "I wish that were true. I wish…I'm so sorry Marcy. My darling child…"

"It's okay Simon. We'll find food. We always do," Marcy told him. "You always think of something in the end."

"I can't think of anything now," Simon sniffed. "My brain is so fogged up and I can't think straight and…" He started to cry again.

Marcy knew what to do. "Here…" She backed away from Simon and took off her shoes. Then threw them away.

"Marcy!" Simon was stunned.

"See? You don't need shoes in the apocalypse!" Marcy said cheerfully.

"That's my girl," Simon smiled and ruffled her hair. He stood up and seemed calmer.

"Wenk! Wenk!"

"Huh?" Simon blinked. Some penguins waddled towards them carrying fish in their beaks. They laid the fish down in front of them.

"It's the penguins! They brought us fish," Marcy blinked.

"They brought us **food!** Thank you my friends," Simon smiled as he petted the penguins. "Thank you, thank you so much!"

"A lot of the ice you made melted and became water," Marcy realized. "Somehow fish must have started growing in there."

"Thank you! Thank you!" Simon knelt down and hugged one of the penguins. "Oh thank you Gunter! Thank you!"

"Gunter?" Marcy blinked.

"Penguins are better than people Marcy," Simon sighed as he cuddled the penguin. "Penguins don't start wars or make bombs or hurt each other like people do. Like humans do…"

It wasn't long before they made camp, ate dinner and went to sleep. In the morning Marcy awoke and saw Simon watching her. "Morning Simon…" She yawned.

"Oh…Good morning Marcy," Simon said. He sounded surprised. "Did…Did you sleep well?"

"Uh huh!" Marcy wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Are you okay Simon?"

"Oh yeah I'm fine. Just fine," Simon said. Some quacking was heard. "And look! Our penguin friends are back and they brought more fish!"

"Yum! I'm hungry!" Marcy grinned as she got up.

"Yes why don't we have a nice breakfast with the penguins?" Simon smiled. But for some reason it seemed forced.

After breakfast Simon had a suggestion.

"Marcy why don't you go play with the penguins while I…" Simon looked a bit hesitant. "Clean up the camp. Yes you go and I'll clean the camp."

"Are you gonna be okay?" Marcy frowned, well aware of her friend's mood swings.

"Yeah I just need…need a little alone time," Simon admitted.

"You're not going to…" Marcy's gaze drifted to the crown.

"NO! No, I won't do **that,**" Simon shuddered. "I just…need to think for a bit. That's all. I promise. I won't put the crown on."

"Okay…" Marcy nodded. "Come on penguins! Let's go explore over there!"

Marcy happily played with the penguins. She knew from experience that sometimes it was best for Simon to have some alone time. Sometime later she returned to camp. She saw Simon greet her with a smile on his face.

"Are you okay Simon?" Marcy asked.

"Oh yes. I feel so much better now. Just needed a good cry to get it out of my system. You know what Marcy? Let's have a party!" Simon said cheerfully.

"A party?" Marcy blinked.

"Yes! A party! We're going to party with the penguins!" Simon chirped. "There was a party supply store down the street and we are going to raid it and decorate the camp! Won't that be fun?"

"Uh yeah…?" Marcy blinked.

That night was an interesting one to say the least. There were balloons half filled with helium so they sort of floated around the campsite. Simon had found some half molded cutouts of cartoon characters and placed them around. He even put party hats on the penguins. Some of the penguins tried to take them off and others tried to pop the party balloons.

"No Gunter! Don't pop the balloons!" Simon ordered the various penguins. "Gunter leave your party hat on. You look so cute wearing it! Gunter don't do **that** on the cutout of Mrs. Floppy Bunny!"

"Why do you call all the penguins the same name?" Marcy blinked. She was also wearing a party hat.

"Not my fault. I didn't name 'em," Simon waved. "Oh let's open presents! It's not a real party without presents!"

"Presents?" Marcy blinked.

"I found these for you," Simon gave her something wrapped in paper and ribbon. "Go on Marcy! Open it! Open it!"

She did. "A kazoo, a small rubber ball and a candy bar?" Marcy blinked.

"The candy bar I've been saving for a special occasion," Simon smiled. "Go on! Eat it! Eat it!"

"Don't you want any?"

"Oh I'm watching my weight and Gunter here is on a diet," Simon pointed to a penguin standing next to him. "Go on eat it. Go on."

"Okay…" Marcy suspiciously ate the candy bar.

"It's good right?" Simon smiled.

"Yeah it's real good. Thanks Simon," Marcy smiled.

"Oh I love to see you smile," Simon smiled. "Hey you know what? It's time to dance! It's a party! Let's dance! Look what I found in the wreckage!"

He pulled out a small boom box. "And the batteries still work! Let's pop in this tape!" He put it in and turned it on. Some rock and roll music started to play. "Oh yeah I love this song!"

"Simon…" Marcy was suspicious.

"Come on Gunter! Shake it baby!" Simon laughed as he danced with the penguins. "Whoo hoo!" Some of the penguins actually tried to dance. "Get down! Get funky!"

"Simon," Marcy stood up and removed her party hat.

"Shake it! Shake it! Shake it!" Simon danced wildly having a ball. "Come on Marcy! Dance with me! Yeah! Gunter has got his groove on!"

Marcy turned off the music. "What'd you do **that** for?" Simon blinked. "We weren't being that loud! Not like the neighbors were complaining!"

"Wenk!"

"You don't count Gunter!" Simon called out behind him to the squawking penguin.

"Simon why are you doing this?" Marcy asked. "What's wrong?"

"Okay so dancing's out. How about I tell you a story? You love my stories!" Simon tried to change the topic.

"I feel like you're telling me a story now! Simon, what's **really** going on?" Marcy asked. "I'm not stupid you know? You're hiding something. I can always tell."

"You always were a smart girl," Simon became serious. "I gotta tell the truth huh?"

"Honesty is the best policy," Marcy told him.

Simon let out a sigh. "Marcy I…I'm starting to slip fast. It's getting harder and harder to think clearly. I'm not as strong as I used to be."

"Simon?" Marcy blinked as Simon knelt down to her and hugged her.

"Promise me…" Simon said carefully. "That when I…change permanently you won't let me hurt you."

"You mean **if** you change permanently, Simon," Marceline said. "If. Simon…?"

"I'm sorry, please forgive me…" Tears started to leak out of his eyes. "It's just I can't fight it much longer. I'm so tired of fighting it every day, every hour…"

"No…" Marcy shook her head. "NO!"

"I'm sorry…" Simon pleaded as she pulled away. "I'm sorry. I just can't keep fighting it and it hurts and…"

"No! You can't leave me! You promised you would never leave me!" Marcy shouted.

"I know…And I've tried to keep that promise," Simon looked dejected. "I tried with all my heart. Marcy please understand this is for your own good…"

"How is you leaving me alone for my own good? Explain that to me!" Marcy snapped at him.

"It's not all bad," Simon told her. "You won't be alone. I know where your father is."

"What?"

"He's going to be in the next town in a few days. We can meet him there and you can spend some time with him," Simon said.

"Yeah but my Dad is bad," Marcy frowned. "He tried to kill you remember?"

"I'm sure he misses you Marcy," Simon said softly. "You should give him a chance."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Hold it! Hold it!" Jake interrupted. "Wait a second. Back up! You and Simon met up with Hunson Abadeer **before** all this? And you were still wandering around…?"

"Yeah that's another long story I **really** don't want to go into right now," Marceline sighed. "Short version we stumbled into the Nightosphere by accident and met up with my Dad. Dad tried to kill Simon a couple of times despite me telling him not to. He shoved Simon out of the Nightosphere and I jumped after Simon. Okay? Got it?"

"Yeah but…" Jake blinked. "How do you stumble into the Nightosphere by **accident**?"

"Just let me finish **this** story okay?" Marceline groaned. "It's hard enough for me as it is without adding another one to it!"

"Go on Marceline," Bubblegum encouraged.

"Okay well. As I was saying Simon told me that my Dad would be nearby soon. But I wasn't exactly looking forward to it…" Marceline went on with the story.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"How do you know where my Dad is going to be?" Marcy was skeptical.

"Gunter told me," Simon pointed to one of the penguins. The penguin squawked in protest. "Don't lie to me Gunter! You're such a gossip!"

"My Dad doesn't care," Marcy pouted. "He left me alone…"

"Your father does love you," Simon said. "In his own way. And he can get you food and clothes and anything you want."

"I WANT YOU SIMON!" Marcy shouted. "I want **you! **But you don't even** care!"**

"No, I do care! I care so much…You are the most important thing in my life!" Simon told her. "That's why I have to let you go…"

"No, I'm not! That stupid crown is more important to you!" Marcy snarled. "It's always been more important than me!"

"It's not that simple Marcy…" Simon let out a breath. "You know the crown keeps me alive and protects us…"

"It only protects **you!"** Marcy shouted as she stomped her foot. "You don't love me! You never loved me! I HATE YOU!"

"Marcy please don't say those things," Simon looked horrified. "Please, please…"

"You wanna hang around with that stupid crown and penguins fine!" Marcy stormed away. "You can have them! I'll leave you **alone!**"

"Marcy! Wait!" Simon yelled as she ran away from the campsite. "Come back! Marcy! NO!"

Marcy ignored Simon's pleas and ran into the night. Tears filled her eyes as she ran. She could barely see where she was going and soon slipped and fell in front of something glowing.

The glowing thing was once a person. His clothes were rags and he looked like a mummy. "Freee…" It hissed as black smoke of death emerged from where he walked.

"The Lich…" Marcy remembered.

The Lich made an inhuman noise as it inched closer to her. Marcy was shocked and frightened. She tried to get up and get away but for some reason her legs couldn't move. It was if her body was frozen into place against her will.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Simon roared as he threw a hard stone at the Lich's face. It simply smoldered and crumbled but it was enough of a distraction for Simon to get close enough to grab Marcy.

"Simon!" Marcy gasped as Simon ran with her in his arms.

"I'll save you Marcy! I'll save you!" Simon yelled as he ran. The Lich creature lumbered after them.

The Lich roared and his body seemed to grow even larger. It glowed with the eerie green glow of death and despair. _**"I will destroy you**_…"

Simon set Marcy down. "Marcy…Run! Run as far and as fast as you can and don't look back."

"Simon…" Marcy gasped.

"DO IT! NOW!" Simon roared as he prepared to face off against the Lich.

Marcy was terrified but she did as she was told. She could hear Simon yelling as she ran. "Going after a little girl? Pathetic! How about tangling with the guy who put you on ice in the first place? Come on Mother! Let's go for round two!"

"Simon!" Marcy gasped. She turned her head around and stopped. What she saw horrified her.

Behind her was the Lich, growing larger and seemingly more powerful. And there was Simon facing him. Holding the crown.

"STAY AWAY FROM HER!" Simon roared as he prepared to put on the crown. Tears streamed down his face. "Marcy…RUN! RUN FAR AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK!"

"Simon!" Marcy yelled.

"Goodbye…" Simon's tears ran down his face as he put on the crown.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Marcy yelled but she knew it was too late.

Already a burst of cold shattered the air as snow and ice formed all around the area. "_**I will kill you**_…" The Lich hissed savagely.

"You can't kill me…" Simon cackled wildly as his beard grew. "I'M ALREADY DEAD!"

Marcy couldn't watch. She turned around and ran, tears her eyes. She knew that no matter what the outcome, she would never see her friend again.

She was truly alone.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Back in the present day…

"Oh man…" Jake was shocked. "That's just awful…"

"Marceline…We had no idea…" Finn was stunned.

"I **know** deep down he didn't have a choice to do what he did," Marceline let out a breath. "I **know **it's my fault that he finally succumbed to it. But I'm still mad at him. I don't know why he wasn't strong enough to…" She let out an anguished yell. "WHY COULDN'T I SAVE HIM?"

"You **will **save him," Betty told her, as she put her hands on Marceline's arms. "We both will. You think it doesn't hurt me seeing him as he is now? I'm the one who convinced him to put the stupid crown on in the first place! If anyone's responsible for how he is it's me."

"**Neither** of you are responsible," Finn spoke up. "Stop putting all the blame on yourselves when it's all Sifine's fault. **She's **the evil spirit in the crown. **She's **the one who brainwashed Simon! You two couldn't stop it."

"But we can stop it **now,**" Marceline narrowed her eyes.

"Yeah, we will," Finn nodded. "So what happened after that?"

"What do you think happened? I ran. I ran as far away from Simon as I could," Marceline sighed. "I didn't go back for him. I knew what had happened. I wanted to go back but…"

"You were just following Simon's orders," Jake said gently. "He wanted you away from him so you would be safe."

"Yeah well…Safe-ish in a post-apocalyptic nightmare," Marceline grumbled. "I guess Simon must have frozen the Lich because I never saw that thing again. It was centuries before I saw the Ice King. Anyway the penguins were gone too. Must have followed the Ice King. So I went to the next town and waited for my father. And I waited. And waited. And waited."

"How long did you wait?" Bubblegum asked.

"Years. And when my father **finally **arrived not only did he act like nothing happened he ate my fries when I was starving!" Marceline growled.

"Ohhhh okay," Finn nodded. "I was wondering why you were so angry at him for eating your fries for so long."

"It was transference," Bubblegum explained. "You were angrier at him abandoning you but you focused on the fries instead as a way to cope."

"Yeah. I figured that out a while back," Marceline said sarcastically. "Thanks for the update Bonnie!"

"Hey don't get mad at me," Bubblegum snapped. "It's not my fault you had a sucky childhood!"

"Well we all can't grow up in a **palace**, _princess!_" Marceline snapped back.

"Both of you knock it off!" Betty snapped. "This isn't helping Simon!"

Bubblegum sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry Marceline. I had no idea how hard your life was back then and how important Simon was to you."

"I guess it's kind of hard to have any sympathy for a guy who's constantly causing trouble and kidnapping you," Marceline grumbled.

"Technically I think the Ice King and Simon are two different personalities," Betty said.

"Yeah well it's the crazy Ice King that's in charge. So we have to find a way to get Simon back," Jake said. "Look the problem is the evil spirit in the crown. Maybe if we get it out of the crown…?"

"It could work," Bubblegum said. "And we know that Jake is immune to the crown's powers somehow. And Marceline you being a vampire could also give us an edge against it."

"Yeah but vampires can't affect ghosts," Marceline reminded her. "It's like rock paper scissors."

"Hold on…" Jake realized. "Vampires can affect ghosts but demons can! And aren't you like half demon on your Dad's side?"

"You're right," Marceline realized. "I can't believe I didn't think of this **before**! Oh wait…There's a problem. Now I remember why…"

"What?" Finn asked.

"I can learn the skills to fight the evil spirit but there's only one person who can teach me," Marceline explained. "My Dad."

"Ohhhh…" Finn and Jake realized.

"Yeah that is a problem," Finn nodded.

"What? What about her father?" Betty asked.

"Ugh, it's complicated," Marceline groaned. "And exhausting."


	17. Deal With The Dad

**Deal With The Dad**

Marceline stood staring at the blank wall in her house. She held a pencil in her hand and seemed like there was an inner conflict going on.

"You're doing this for Simon," Marceline said to herself. Then she took a breath before she drew the happy face and performed the ritual.

_"Maloso vobiscum et cum spiritum!"_ Marceline chanted the words after she threw the bug milk at the happy face.

The flaming gateway to the Nightosphere opened. A dark figure emerged from its shadows. "Marceline! Good to see you!" Hunson stepped out wearing his usual suit. "It's been way too long."

"Hi Dad," Marceline smiled. "I'm not interrupting you am I?"

"Oh no, no…" Hunson waved. "Actually there's been kind of a downslide in activity lately. Let's just say my uh, new incentive program works a little **too well** if you get my drift. So what can your dear old Dad do for you?"

Marceline took a deep breath. "Dad, I need your help. I need you to teach me how to suck souls. Dad? Dad?"

Hunson's eyes grew big and tears came out of them. "I am so **happy**!" He shouted. He hugged his daughter. "Oh Marceline I've waited for this day even before you were born! When you were only a plump little hell spawn in your mommy's tummy!"

"Da-ad," Marceline felt a bit uncomfortable for a lot of reasons.

"Oh I **knew** this day would come eventually!" Hunson beamed as he looked at his daughter. "I knew that whole 'Dad sucking souls out of people is so wrong' was only a phase! I knew you'd see the dark and take after your old man!"

"Dad, listen…" Marceline began.

"It's gonna be great! Father and daughter going on soul sucking terror sprees!" Hunson whooped. "I hear the screams of the mortals now…Muah, ha, ha…aaaahh! Geeze, I gotta work on my evil laugh. I'm out of practice."

"Dad I don't want to suck souls out of **people!**" Marceline snapped. "I want to suck a spirit out of an object."

"Wait a minute? A spirit out of an _object?_" Hunson frowned. "Like a **crown?"**

"Well yeah," Marceline admitted.

"I should have **known!**" Hunson snarled. "I ask you to learn the most basic skill of evil and terror centuries ago and you refuse! But the minute **Saint Simon** is involved… You can't jump fast enough to help him!"

"Da-ad," Marceline let out an impatient breath.

"Why do you have such an attachment to that old fool?" Hunson snarled. "Why? Because he saved your life? He raised you when the world was destroyed and I was off doing stuff in the Nightosphere? That he sacrificed his life and sanity all for you?"

Hunson stopped for a moment. "Okay now that I've said them aloud those are good reasons. But still…"

"Dad it turns out that there's an evil spirit inside the crown that made him nuts and I have to learn how to get it out so he won't be completely crazy anymore," Marceline said.

"I know about the evil spirit Marceline," Hunson huffed. "I mean come on! I eat souls for a living. I can smell evil spirits a mile away and that crown reeks of it."

"You knew and you never told me?" Marceline shouted.

"You never asked," Hunson shrugged. "Quite frankly the only reason I haven't eaten it myself was…Huh…I just never thought to do so. I should try that sometime."

"Maybe you'll get your chance if you teach me how to suck out the evil in the crown?" Marceline gave her father a look. "Besides, you owe Simon Dad."

"I owe **him?**" Hunson snapped. "I've already made a blood oath that I would never kill him or allow him to be harmed if I can prevent it! What more do you want?"

"I want Simon back!" Marceline snapped. "And don't try to pretend you don't care Dad! I know all about your little meetings and trips over the centuries! I heard what happened on Mars!"

"Oh **that**," Hunson frowned.

"And don't say what happened was the Ice King's fault because we both know you started the whole mess!" Marceline snapped. "I met a few friends you made on Mars a few centuries ago and they told me the whole story!"

"I admit that was not one of my better plans," Hunson frowned.

"Plan? What plan? It was a drunken bender!" Marceline shouted. "And I'm not even going to go into what happened in the Nightosphere!"

"It was only two or three times," Hunson frowned. "So we had a little too much to drink and rearranged a few dozen landmarks? No biggie! I rule the place so…"

"And what happened on Otherworld," Marceline glared.

"Oh crud," Hunson gulped. "Wait how did **you** hear about **that?"**

"Peppermint Butler told Bubblegum and Bubblegum told me!" Marceline glared.

"I always said that stupid piece of candy was too big a gossip," Hunson frowned. "How much did he tell her?"

"Enough," Marceline snapped. "Obviously Bubblegum didn't get everything that went on but I was able to fill in the gaps."

"I see…" Hunson winced.

"Of course when I went to have a meeting with Otherworld's vampire council they happily informed me of **everything else** that you two did while you were there," Marceline snarled. "You do realize that as Queen of the Vampires in this realm I have to maintain good relations with other vampire governments in other dimensions right?"

"Oh come on! Not that many people died! And most of those that did were already dead," Hunson waved.

"You killed half the vampire council!" Marceline yelled.

"Not on purpose!" Hunson protested. "It's all the Ice King's fault. See he bet me that I couldn't drive this amphibious tank all the way up…"

"I don't want to **hear** it!" Marceline snapped. "Needless to say Otherworld was not exactly thrilled to see me and relations with that dimension are at an all-time low! I still can't even show my face in that dimension because I am so embarrassed about what you did! Especially the incident in the Overlord's pool!"

"Again, **Saint Simon's** fault!" Hunson snapped. "He's the one who had to pee and couldn't find a bathroom! I was just following his lead."

"He's not the one who set the pool on **fire!"** Marceline shouted.

"Okay I admit I kind of like the guy in a way someone likes a really dumb dog," Hunson frowned. "You know? Listens to you, doesn't understand what you say so you can say anything and not worry about him telling people. Certainly keeps his mouth shut unlike a stupid piece of red and white candy I know!"

"Dad I want to learn how to suck souls out in order to save the Ice King. Are you going to help me or not?" Marceline asked. "And don't even **think** of trying to bargain with me into taking over the Nightosphere because I'm not going to do that!"

"Honey," Hunson sighed. "Look you know I love you right? I do. I just don't want you to get your hopes up and get hurt again. You do have that problem hoping people will change and when they don't you blame yourself."

Hunson put his hands on his daughter's shoulders. "What happened to Simon was **not** your fault. There was nothing you could do about it. And Simon knew it too. That's why he contacted me right before he lost his memory completely."

"What?" Marceline blinked.

"He was slipping fast Marceline," Hunson sighed. "I know the two of us had a bit of tiff when we first met but we both agreed on what was best for you."

"You tried to kill him," Marceline gave him a look.

"And I said I was **sorry** about that," Hunson groaned. "Any-way, you were off playing or something and he contacted me and said that he wasn't going to last much longer and he needed me to take you away before he went completely insane and hurt you. He did it because he loved you Marceline. He loved you more than anything in the world but he knew he couldn't take care of you and didn't want you to be alone."

"Wait if he contacted you **before**…Then how come I ended up wandering around all by myself for…?" Marceline began to think.

"Oh yeah **that**. Uh…" Hunson scratched his head. "Well I had some business to take care of up in the world and I was supposed to come get you right after but one thing led to another and before I knew it years flew by!"

"You got drunk didn't you?" Marceline frowned.

"Uh a little," Hunson gulped. "My point is that even if you did remove this crown spirit the damage has already been done. He's still going to be crazy. Even if he does remember you his mind will never fully recover. Not after a possession of that magnitude after such a long amount of time."

"I have to try Dad," Marceline sat on the couch and ran her hands through her hair. "I just have to try. I should have done something sooner but I just…." She began to sob.

"Oh Marcy," Hunson sat next to her and patted her back. "I know. I know how it feels to be so helpless when bad things happen to someone you care about. But even I have to admit there are times when there's nothing you can do."

Hunson looked out into space. "Oh sure you could have the best of intentions and try to give the guy a fun weekend. But all that gets you in the end is cleaning up bloodstains in the back room of a casino while wearing a cocktail dress after a night of misguided…"

Hunson stopped as he realized Marceline was staring at him with huge eyes of shock. "Uh…I shared too much about…my fraternity days! Yes! Crazy, crazy fraternity days of college. Heh, heh…"

Hunson let out a breath. "My point is you can't change the past. So forget about it and look to the future! Besides haven't you let Simon the Ice King hurt you enough?"

"He never hurt me as much as you did on my 30th birthday!" Marceline yelled.

"Okay again my bad," Hunson winced. "When that demon lord said he wanted to meet you I could have sworn he meant for a dinner date! Not as dinner!"

"You sold your daughter to be a demon's meal for a steak dinner!" Marceline shouted.

"Oh come on! I knew you could take him! You killed him in thirty seconds and that was a really good steak dinner!" Hunson protested. "Oh I so said the wrong thing didn't I?"

"What do you think?" Marceline glared at him.

Hunson frowned. "Wow I am really off my game today. Okay uh you know what I'm going to quit while I'm ahead and teach you anyway." He stood up.

"Thanks a _lot_," Marceline said sarcastically. "Now I don't want to learn how to eat souls. Just you know? Catch and release? Can you teach me that?"

"Actually learning how to suck out a soul and spit it back is one of the first basic lessons," Hunson said. "That's how I learned. It's the perfect way to maximize terror in your victim over and over again while making sure you have a healthy supply of training victims."

"Can you suck out a spirit and put it into something else?" Marceline asked.

"Oh sure, you can just stuff it into any standard ghost pouch or something like that," Hunson waved. "Stuffing it in is the easy part. It's getting it out that takes finesse."

"All right," Marceline took a deep breath. "Let's do this!"

"Before we start playing around with souls I want to get a feel of how powerful your lungs are," Hunson thought. "All right. I want you to sing a note in any key and hold it as long as you can. Don't mind me if I put my hand on your larynx. Just want to get a sense of your muscles."

"All right," Marceline took a deep breath and held a note.

"Keep going," Hunson felt her daughter's throat gingerly. "Go until you absolutely can't sing anymore."

After what felt like forever Marceline stopped. "Hmmmm…A minute and thirty five seconds. Not bad," Hunson nodded.

"That's it?" Marceline gasped for breath.

"You know all that singing you do has made your lungs more powerful than I realized," Hunson scratched his chin. "You're further along than I thought. This should be easy for you. Okay when you can hold a note for a full 2 minutes you'll be ready to suck the life out of anything!"

"And then what?" Marceline asked.

"Then contact me and I'll show you how to do the rest," Hunson waved as he made a happy face on the wall with a pencil from his pocket. "Actually the sucking out is the hardest part. Again build up your lungs a bit more and the rest will be easy as pie."

"Okay, thanks Dad," Marceline let out a breath.

"Anything for my little girl," Hunson smiled. "Hand me the bug milk will you sweetie?"

Marceline did so and Hunson incanted the words. As the gate of the Nightosphere opened Hunson was almost immediately hit in the face with a volleyball. "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" He shouted. "I WAS ONLY GONE FOR A FEW MINUTES!"

"Uh Dad…" Marceline blinked.

"Don't ask…I made what I thought at the time was a very simplistic labor deal and…" Hunson again was hit with a volleyball. "WILL YOU GUYS KNOCK IT OFF?!"

"Looks like the Nightosphere is getting crazier than usual," Marceline blinked.

"Tell me about it. I really need to hire someone to help me manage this place," Hunson groaned. "I don't suppose…?"

"No!"

"Can't blame a man for asking," Hunson sighed. He was hit again with a volleyball. "That's it! BACK TO WORK YOU SLACKERS!" He stormed through the gate and it closed up behind him.

"I guess I should do some practicing," Marceline sighed to herself. "Then maybe things will get back to normal around here?"

Little did Marceline know things were about to get crazier. And once again Ooo would be changed forever.


	18. Game Change

**Game Change**

One month earlier…

"Hey sleeping beauty! Wake up!"

"Ugh go away…Mom…" A man muttered as a large silver pod in the cockpit of a huge spaceship opened. "Five more minutes…"

"Jason! Seriously man! We're landing! Wake up and help me pilot this hunk of junk!"

"Wha…?" A handsome Native American Man in his thirties with short black hair wearing a black uniform with a white shirt underneath sat up. He noticed the pod next to his was already open. "Big D?"

"Big D's got everything stabilized in back! Come on Captain Starr! It's show time!"

A pale skinned man with a cleft chin, a large nose and carrot orange short hair that stuck up wildly in the front entered the cockpit. He wore a long purple coat over a dark green shirt, dark green combat pants, black boots, a gold chain around his neck and a pair of modern magenta tinted glasses in a triangle shape.

His name was Sgt. Destiny but everyone called him Big D. Few people dared to ask his first name and he gave it out to even less.

Both he and Jason were part of a special secret military organization that very few outside the upper echelons of the Pentagon and knew about. They and two other operatives had been assigned to assist the leaders of the Ark Project with the first phase of Operation Phoenix. Operation Phoenix was the planned re-colonization and restoration of the human race on Earth.

"Entering Earth's atmosphere," Big D said as he took the copilot's seat in the secondary cockpit (a smaller bridge designed to pilot the ship in emergencies in case the primary bridge was incapacitated in some way).

"Holy…Look at the hole in the side of the planet!" Big D whistled. "Big D knew the planet was gonna be a mess but…"

"It's unbelievable but we can sightsee later," Jason said as he took the helm with a yawn. "Descending at 40 thousand and falling…"

"Down to 350 MPH and stabilizing…" Big D reported. "250 MPH…"

"Thirty five thousand feet and leveling out…" Jason said. "Okay we're down to twenty thousand…18….16….14…..12….11…"

CRRUNNKKKK!

"What the devil was **that**?" Jason yelled as the ship started to buckle. "It can't be turbulence can it?"

"One of the port doors opened!" Big D shouted. "Must be a malfunction!"

"An open door at **this altitude**? I knew this piece of crap…" Jason hissed.

"It's okay. It's closed again," Big D told him as he checked the scanners. "Piece of crap! Big D knew something would go wrong!"

"Hold on! We're still experiencing some turbulence and some of the ship's pressure has dropped!" Jason yelled as he piloted the ship. "We'll yell at Mister Big Shot later! If we survive this!"

"This is gonna be a bumpy ride!" Big D groaned. "And you wanted to fly the ship because you didn't think Big D could handle it?"

"I just didn't want Big D to crash again like that incident in Paris!" Jason shouted as he stabilized the ship.

"Oh big deal! Big D makes one little crash landing at the Louvre…" Big D groaned.

"Save it…Hold on…Okay here we go! Prepare for hydroponic landing and…No! Because of whatever happened all the systems have been thrown off!" Jason snapped. "The hydro tubes aren't inflating!"

"Well what do you want Big D to do?" Big D snapped. "Blow them up with his mouth?"

"Take the controls! There's an emergency override panel on Level B4!" Jason said as he unbuckled himself from his seat.

"B4? That's like a mile down at least!" Big D shouted as he took the controls. "How are you gonna get down there in time?"

"Emergency evacuation system," Jason smirked as he pushed a button on the back wall.

"What emergency evacuation system?" Big D yelled.

Jason just smiled and pushed a few more buttons. A large chute opened up from behind the wall and Jason slid down it. "Oh. **That **emergency evacuation system," Big D remarked.

"Whooo hooo!" Jason whooped as he slid down the chute. "Just like one of those water slides at a theme park! But with no water! Big D would **love **this!"

He landed at a cushioned bean back at the end. He jumped up and ran to a panel filled with switches and controls. "Come on! Come on!" Jason frantically pushed some buttons. "Activate! Activate!"

"Jason! If you are going to do something you'd better do it **fast!"** Big D's voice came out on the intercom. "We got less than ten minutes to landing time and without the hydroponic landing gear we're gonna sink like a twenty five billion dollar stone!"

"Please this hunk of junk is only fifteen billion," Jason said as he kept working. "Oh you have got to be kidding me!?"

"What?"

"Uh there seems to be a slight malfunction," Jason gritted his teeth and kept working. "No need to panic. Hold on!" He ran down another corridor.

"Jason! We're starting to get pretty close to the water!" Big D shouted. "When should Big D panic?"

"Come on! Come on!" Jason went to another area and started to push some more buttons. Then he went to a large hatch and started to violently kick it. "OPEN UP YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!"

The hatch opened with a clunk and a large yellow balloon like device started to fill up with air and form underneath the Ark. "Hydroponic landing gear one is activated!" Big D reported. "Now what about the other one?"

"Working on it!" Jason started kicking in the other landing gear. "Just have to finesse it!"

"Finesse **faster**!"

"I **am** finessing faster!"

"Times like this Big D wishes you listened more to your grandpa!" Big D yelled. "All that shaman stuff he tried to teach you would have come real handy right about now!"

"Oh let's not start **that **again!" Jason yelled as he kept kicking. "You know I don't believe in any of magic stuff!"

"Technically Native American shamanism is not magic," Big D corrected. "It is a deeply spiritual connection to the Earth and…"

"Dude! Don't lecture me on my heritage! I know my heritage!" Jason shouted. "I'm the one who taught **you** that!"

"Just open the landing gear so we don't **die**!"

"Come on! Come on! Just open and activate you…" Jason gritted his teeth. The hatch opened. "YES!"

The second part of the landing gear filled up just in time seconds before the Ark landed on the ocean water. "Oh yeah!" Big D whooped! "We have splashdown without the splash! Way to go Starr! Guess some of your mystic Native American ancestors decided to help out after all!"

"Mystic schmistic. I'm from Jersey," Jason rolled his eyes. "The only thing mystic in my neighborhood was the pizza."

Two hours later the ship was stabilized and the rest of the inhabitants of the Ark had been revived from their stasis pods. The Ark was now bustling with activity. Particularly in a large hangar bay where everyone was gathering.

"Hey! Tromi! Tromo! Looking good!" Big D made a thumbs up sign to two mechanics as he walked by.

"You would think with all the stuff we put in this place and with all the space Damon would have built some kind of auditorium," Jason remarked.

"Guess Mr. Genius didn't think of that," A man with blond hair, sunglasses and wearing a white and grey suit walked up to them.

"I thought geniuses thought of everything, Carter," Another man walked with him. He was African American with a bushy mustache and a black and white suit.

"If only that were true Briggs," Big D chuckled. "The gang's all here."

"The Four Musketeers made it through the big sleep," Briggs smirked.

"Big D thought we were calling ourselves the Destiny Gang?" Big D raised an eyebrow.

"We're all gonna be called on the carpet if we're late for the big speech," Jason told his team mates.

"Hey whatever we're called we're the best of the best," Carter said. "That's why headquarters chose us to help the General with the Ark."

"Really? I heard they chose you two because of that stunt with the lime Jell-O in the cafeteria?" Jason snickered. He had worked with Big D, Carter and Briggs for years in the secret espionage and anti-terrorism division of the government.

It was a secret branch that made the FBI and the CIA look like rank amateurs. Their agency was so secretive it didn't have a real name. It was simply called The House out in the field or the Black House in whispered hallways. Their agents were hand-picked. The best of the best whose job was to take on the biggest threats on the planet.

But even the Black House couldn't stop the catastrophe of the Third World War. Its leaders knew that in the long run they could only delay the inevitable. Which is why they took precautions for the human race to survive.

"It was chocolate pudding and highly exaggerated," Briggs waved. He motioned to a small makeshift stage in the hangar with a podium on it. "Come on. They're gonna start the speech."

"I'd love to hear Damon's speech on what could have caused that air lock to open and short out the landing systems," Jason grumbled.

"How could opening an air lock short out the landing systems?" Carter asked.

"Some of the ship's sensors are sensitive as a baby's behind and the sudden change in air pressure through part of the ship could have triggered them off," Jason said. "Don't ask me why. I have no idea why they would do that I only know that a sudden change in air pressure would do that."

"That doesn't happen on other ships or planes? Does it?" Briggs asked.

"Let's just say the Ark is a special case," Jason explained. "And that most everybody was in stasis otherwise somebody could have been killed. In fact we all could have been killed."

Two men walked up to the podium. The first was Damon, a tall tan skinned good looking man in his thirties with black hair and blue eyes. He wore an expensive looking dark gray suit with a dark gray tie, white shirt and expensive Italian loafers. His real name was Damon Damonskopis but years ago he had his name legally changed to just Damon. His lawyers had suggested it as a marketing move.

Before the war Damon had grown up in the suburbs. It was a typical story of a genius kid who dropped out of college to create his own billion dollar software and mechanics company specializing in robotics. Over the past decade before the Third World War he had become a media sensation as well, even creating his own television show having inventors compete on national television.

The second man was a general with many medals. He was in his sixties with balding black hair under his general's hat. Yet he was still very fit and very muscular. He was General Michael Barton, a renowned hero of many wars including the last one.

It was Barton's vision and vocal support that the government fund the Ark Project. He knew from his years of experience that his leaders were not fighting the war in the correct way and it was only a matter of time before their actions doomed the human race. His support and Damon's technological genius was a means of protecting their species until it was safe for them to return to Earth.

The fact that Damon had often sold many of his projects and weapons to the military in the past also helped fast track the project.

The Black House had kept both men on their short list for their plan to help the human race to survive. Project Phoenix.

It was a secret project that was intended for the best and the brightest to survive and rebuild the human race in a worst case scenario. Naturally the majority of the public knew nothing about it. Candidates were chosen from all branches of the military as well as the upper echelons of the sciences, doctors and engineers. With a few skilled farmers, logistics experts and a musician or two thrown in.

Not to mention several wealthy backers, a handful of celebrities and their families were placed on the following stasis ships. And many more were sent to a place called Beautopia, an underground colony where they could live in luxury and safety. And a few other secret colonies scattered around the world for those that could not get on a stasis ship.

"Today is a new day for the human race," Damon spoke to the crowd. "After nearly a thousand years we have returned home. To Earth. Home to rebuild and restart life as we knew it. We've all made tremendous sacrifices to be here. We've left behind friends, family, loved ones and everything we knew all for a dream. But that dream will now be a reality thanks to you."

"The coming months will be the hardest as we prepare to find land that is habitable and can support life," Damon went on. "For the first month we will be under quarantine out here in the ocean. Looking for signs of intelligent life and a new home. It will be difficult but we can endure. Heaven willing soon we will find a new land to inhabit and a new world to create. A world where the human race can once again take its rightful place on Earth."

"Within two years the other stasis ships will return to Earth," General Barton spoke up. "Hopefully they will also have survived the long trip. By the time they have arrived we will have established the beginnings of a thriving colony. And then start to rebuild our world."

"Why do we have to be in quarantine?" Briggs asked. "We're not sick."

"Because we don't know enough about how the planet has been reformed during the thousand years we were asleep," Jason explained. "There are still a lot of pockets of radiation left that were detected by our low range sensors. Quite frankly, we need time to do a proper study of the planet as well as getting our bodies used to Earth's gravity again."

"But we were in stasis," Carter scoffed.

"True but prolonged stasis may have some side effects that need to be looked over," Big D shrugged. "Especially after we were woken up. Shock and memory loss are the most common but it doesn't seem to be that bad from what I've seen."

There were a few more moving words from Damon that Jason really didn't listen too. He was preoccupied with other concerns.

After the speech Jason and his team approached Colonel Booker, General Barton's second in command. Colonel Booker was an African American man in his forties with short greying hair and in a green military field uniform with combat boots.

"Colonel," Jason made a polite nod and saluted. Even though he wasn't technically in the military. Black House had a command structure all its own. "I need to make my full report to the general and Damon."

"I hear there was some kind of trouble during the landing," Colonel Booker frowned.

"You could say that," Jason remarked as they walked towards Damon who walked away from General Barton. "Damon."

"Captain Starr," Damon raised an eyebrow. "I suppose you are here to voice your concerns over the slight malfunction that happened during re-entry."

"You know because of that **slight malfunction** we almost crashed," Big D said angrily. "And for once you can't blame Big D for that!"

"I have no idea how that happened," Damon sighed. "It was the first thing I saw on the computer data logs when I woke up. I don't know what happened but I'll look into it. Right now I was telling the General that we had an…incident."

"No kidding," Jason remarked.

"Besides the malfunction," Damon told him. "We had a fatality."

"Already? Who?" Jason asked.

"Dr. Bennigan," Damon said. "The shield was cracked on her stasis pod somehow. She…didn't survive."

"Cracked? How?" Jason asked angrily. "I thought the pods were built of some kind of unbreakable flexi glass?"

"So I thought," Damon sighed. "I think it was the position of the pod in the ship or something. Perhaps one of the systems above gave off some kind of extreme heat or something. I'm looking into that personally."

"I don't believe it," Jason swore angrily. "Not even a few hours into this mission and already the ship was almost destroyed and we have one fatality!"

"We're lucky it was only **one**," Damon told him. "Come on Starr. We all knew the stasis pods were a gamble. They'd never been tested for extreme conditions such as prolonged outer space travel."

"I suppose," Jason sighed. "She had friends on board didn't she?"

"Yes, I was just about to tell them," Damon sighed. "Not looking forward to that. No family anyway. Here they come."

"Damon we can't find Dr. Bennigan," Tim spoke up as he and Sandy walked over to them. He saw the look on Damon's face. "Damon?"

Damon let out a breath. "Tim, Sandy…I'm sorry. Betty didn't make it. Her pod was damaged somehow over the years…She's dead."

"What?" Sandy gasped.

"I'm just as shocked as you are," Damon sighed. "It was some kind of malfunction. Fortunately there were no other casualties but still…She was a great scientist."

"Oh Betty," Sandy began to sob.

"She didn't suffer. She slept the whole time," Damon said softly. "She had no idea what happened."

"I'm sorry Damon. I know you were fond of her too," Tim shook his head.

"Like I said she was a brilliant woman," Damon let out a breath. "A beautiful woman."

"How did it happen?" Sandy asked.

"The shield on her stasis pod was cracked somehow," Damon said. "I'm looking into that personally. I'm sorry for your loss."

Colonel Booker made a motion and Jason and his team followed him. "Captain Starr I'd like to personally thank you for saving our lives," He said. "It's a good thing we had you and Big D awaken early as a backup."

"I don't even want to think about what would have happened if we weren't," Jason grumbled. "A thousand years of sleep only to be killed within the first twenty minutes of entering the Earth's atmosphere."

"And now we already have a casualty," Briggs frowned. "This does not inspire my faith in Damon's technology."

"Like it or not he's the man in charge of all the tech and the science department," Colonel Booker sighed.

"By the way he acts he thinks he runs the entire Ark," Jason said.

"Half the Ark. Technically," Colonel Booker shrugged. "But he did save most of us with his designs. Flawed as they are."

"That's why we're here. To correct those flaws," Big D nodded. "That's what the Black House specializes in. Saving the day and preventing disasters."

"Not always," Jason sighed. "If that was true we wouldn't even **be** here."

Damon had left Tim to console Sandy. He looked lost in thought when he noticed his assistant Christine walking up to him. "Damon we need to start rebooting the Orbital Defense Launcher protocols."

"We also need to do a thorough check up on the entire Ark. There was a malfunction on reentry," Damon sighed. "It's my fault. I should have…"

"Hey even super geniuses can't predict everything," Christine smiled. "It was your idea to have two men awake early on reentry and the backup manual protocols. So cheer up. We're alive and in the future. Once we find a place to settle everything will be fine. Who knows? Maybe one or two of those settlements we left behind thrived? So stop worrying. We'll get through this. We have faith in you Damon."

Damon smiled. "You're right. Christine…Are you…Busy tonight?"

"Not like I have anywhere else to be," Christine waved. "Why?"

"I just wanted to…talk to someone," Damon let out a breath. "We had a casualty. Dr. Bennigan died during the trip."

"Oh," Christine remained passive.

"She was a brilliant colleague. Her expertise in biology would have been instrumental in rebuilding our world," Damon sighed.

"True but don't you already have a few other biologists that can do her job?" Christine asked. "There's no point in dwelling on the past. I mean we've all lost people close to us."

"You're right again," Damon smiled. "I don't know what I would do without you. I'll see you later."

"Right," Christine nodded. As she turned away she couldn't help but have a smile on her face.

"Looks like I win after all," She whispered to herself. "Take that you little four eyed mouse."

One month later…

"All right! It's about time we got outside!" Big D cheered as he and Jason went toward the hanger of the Ark. "Big D was getting stir crazy being cooped up in here!"

"Gentlemen, glad you could make it," General Barton met them in front of a huge black jet like vehicle that had four helicopter blades on the side in circular rings. He was with Colonel Booker, Carter, Briggs and Tim.

"This is the new X-5 Prototype?" Jason indicated the strange looking aircraft.

"Yes. This aircraft is designed to move as fast as a jet but can land on a dime just like a helicopter," General Barton said. "Perfect for scouting missions."

"Damon didn't make this did he?" Jason asked.

"No, this is strictly a military baby," Colonel Booker smiled. "So I'd appreciate it Big D if you didn't crash this one."

"This is Dr. Timothy Grey. He's the biologist I chose to accompany you on this mission," General Barton indicated.

"We know each other," Jason nodded. "Welcome aboard Tim. So where are we headed?"

"The second largest continent which is to the south of us," Colonel Booker showed them on a map. "It's also the closest. We designated it E-1. Apparently it contains parts of the former continents North and South America. There are life signs but we they aren't conclusive. Our spy satellite is down again. All that space junk over the centuries must have really wrecked the scanners."

"Your mission is simple," General Barton spoke. "The five of you will do a simple recon over E-1. See if the continent is habitable and look for human life. Report back on your findings periodically. Take samples for study if you can."

"Just the five of us?" Tim asked.

"The five of us should be more than enough for a simple scouting mission," Jason said. "And we'll be in the X-5 so we should handle anything that comes our way."

"There is a good chance that any human life we encounter will be mutated due to the generations of exposure to radiation and biological contaminants," Tim explained. "Any humans we find could either be super intelligent and powerful or complete animals. We have to be prepared for both."

"There is even a very good chance that no humans survived at all," Jason sighed. "But we have to investigate. Let's keep sharp people and be ready for anything. This could get weird."

"Please, Big D has seen it all and done it all," Big D waved. "How weird could this get?"


	19. Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Ooo

**Welcome To The Wonderful World of Ooo**

"Approaching E-1 now," Jason spoke as he piloted the X-5 over the Unknown Lands. "How's the scanners working Grey?"

"Good. Unfortunately they aren't showing much different than what we can see out the window," Tim said as he sat at his station. "Scanners are picking up tons of bombs that haven't detonated yet either because they're duds or just haven't gone off for some reason. We can't even land because that could set them off."

"What did you expect Grey?" Briggs scoffed. "Some kind of candy coated paradise down there?"

"I was expecting something other than **this,"** Grey pointed out to the mess bellow. "The readings for toxicity and radiation are off the charts."

"Whoa. Look at that mess down there," Big D whistled as he looked out the window. "Nothing but wreckage and bombs as far as the eye can see."

"Even after a thousand years the war still scars this planet," Jason sighed. "I guess it was too much to hope that…"

"Hold on, we're entering what seems to be a large expanse of ice," Carter spoke up from his station. "It's like the South Pole with mountains down there. According to our scanners it goes on for miles."

"No traces of radiation or poisoning beyond this point," Tim said. "That's a good sign."

"Are those **penguins **down there?" Big D pointed out the window.

"Yeah. A lot of penguins. Wait wasn't this part where North America was?" Jason blinked.

"Must have been some kind of climate shift," Tim said. "Let's go further south. I got some interesting readings over there."

"Some climate shift," Big D whistled.

"At least we know some species survived," Briggs shrugged. "Always did like penguins."

"Remind me to capture one on the way back," Tim spoke up. "I want to see how their species evolved due to the radiation."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Jason nodded.

There's a patch of green just by the ice," Tim said. "A large patch."

"That's a good place to land as any," Jason said. Soon the X-5 had landed right by the snow border.

"Isn't it weird how the snow just stops right here and there's grass on the other side?" Briggs remarked as they disembarked the X-5.

"Yeah it's like some kind of boundary or something," Carter mused.

"I highly doubt that," Tim told him.

"I'm just saying that's what it **looks** like," Carter spoke up. He pushed a button and a large hovercraft vehicle emerged from the X-5. "Scouter's all ready to board."

"Let's park the Scouter for now," Jason said. "We can use it later to traverse the ice."

"Why can't we use it **now**?" Briggs asked.

"What? You too dainty to take a little **walk?"** Big D snorted.

"Ugh why do you always insist on doing things the hard way?" Carter moaned as Jason parked a hovercraft like military vehicle out of the X-5.

"You mean the fun way?" Big D smirked.

"Besides we could use a walk after being cooped up in the Ark all this time," Jason said as he got out of the vehicle and readied his weapon.

"Yeah but what if someone steals our rides?" Briggs asked.

"Don't worry. I put the anti-theft mode on," Jason waved. "It'll be fine."

"But what if someone steals it?" Carter asked.

"Who is gonna steal it? There's no one here man," Big D said.

"That we know of," Briggs pointed out.

"No one is going to steal it," Jason rolled his eyes. "It has the most sophisticated anti-theft system designed by man. And I have the key. No one is gonna take it."

"Dude isn't it like keyless?" Briggs asked.

"Just shut up and walk," Jason groaned as they started to leave. They didn't go far before they went up a large hill. "You know it is kind of beautiful here."

"Big D can't believe there's any green in the world after…" Big D let out a breath as they started to climb the hill.

"Well it has been almost a thousand years," Jason gave him a look. "According to our instruments there are some small settlements all over the place. There has to be some people left."

"Then I guess we should find them," Tim said. "A word of warning, we don't know what affects the radiation had on the world. Be ready for anything."

They stopped right on top of the hill to behold the sight. "Okay is it just me or does that look like a yellow lady wearing some eggs on her head and a dress made out of bacon?" Big D asked.

"It does," Tim was stunned.

"So Big D's brain ain't making this up?" Big D asked.

"No it is not," Carter shook his head.

Breakfast Princess, Toast Princess and Wildberry Princess were having a picnic. A small band made out of oranges and strawberries with little arms and legs were playing instruments. A couple of pear people and apple people were participating in the picnic as well. They were oblivious to the people on the hill.

"Wait is that…**fruit**?" Briggs blinked.

"That over there looks like a piece of toast," Jason blinked. "With a dress on…"

"And they are singing…" Carter blinked. "Singing dancing food…Did we end up in a Disney cartoon or something?"

"I don't know what this is but this is too trippy for me," Jason blinked. "Grey do you have any idea what this is?"

"Just one. I've heard about experiments using mutations to grow super foods," Tim explained. "I suppose over the centuries those mutations combined with the radiation…"

"Wait, you're saying food is **alive** now?" Jason asked.

"It appears so," Tim said.

"So can we eat them or what?" Briggs asked. "Just asking."

"I don't know if I **want** to eat food that's been mutated so much it talks and needs to wear clothes," Jason winced.

"Oh yeah. Good point," Briggs winced. "Who knows what that could do to our systems?"

"Okay Tim when you said be ready for anything I gotta admit I was not prepared for **this!"** Jason winced.

"Yeah to be honest I wasn't prepared for this either," Tim blinked. "I mean I knew there would be some mutations but…"

"**Some** mutations?" Jason gave him a look. "This looks like Mutant Utopia here!"

"At least they look friendly," Tim reasoned.

"RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Oh that does not sound good," Carter gulped.

"You just **had** to make a comment didn't you?" Briggs glared at Tim as something huge and red with big teeth flew through the sky.

"It looks like some kind of dragon thing," Tim gasped. "But that's impossible!"

"**That's** impossible?" Carter yelled. "Two minutes ago you calmly told us about how living food was created! You don't think dragons are **more possible**?"

"We gotta stop that…whatever it is…"Jason readied his weapon as the dragon scattered the picnic goers.

"How?" Tim yelled.

"Simple! We blow it up!" Carter shouted. He fired his rifle at the dragon along with Briggs and Big D.

However the bullets merely bounced off the dragon's hide. The dragon turned around and blinked. It roared and then stormed up to the humans. "Uh why isn't it dead yet?" Briggs yelled as he fired.

"This thing is impervious to bullets!" Big D yelled. "Whatever it is!"

"Good thing I brought my laser rifle!" Jason fired his weapon. "Eat light you giant lizard!"

Jason fired the laser blasts but the dragon just stood there without flinching. Then in one swoop it managed to yank the laser blaster from Jason with its teeth and chomp it down in a few bites.

"Okay so you **can** eat light…" Jason gulped. "New plan! RUN!"

"I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THE SCOUTER!" Briggs yelled as they ran. "BUT NOOOO! YOU AND BIG D HAD TO TAKE A WALK!"

"YOU GETTING ENOUGH EXERCISE **NOW** BIG D?" Carter yelled.

"Just shut up and run!" Big D yelled as he ran. "KEEP SHOOTING AT IT!"

"Forget it! The guns don't work anyway!" Tim yelled. "And if we stopped that thing would eat us too!"

"That thing is flying and gaining on us!" Carter yelled. "WHAT'S THE PLAN JASON? TELL ME THE PLAN!"

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Jason shouted.

"HIYAAAAAAAAAA!" A young voice cried out from behind them.

"What the…?" Jason turned his head and saw the sight of a teenage boy wearing a white bear hat, blue shorts and a blue top with brown shoes riding something that looked like a dog with very stretchy legs. He was waving a strange green sword and had a large green backpack on his back.

"Oh yeah! It's time to get my dragon slaying on!" Finn cried out as Jake managed to get ahead of the dragon. Finn jumped off Jake brandishing his sword.

"Wait is that a **kid?"** Jason yelled. "KID! NO! GET AWAY! THAT SWORD…"

SLLIIIIIIIIIIIIICCEEEEEEEEEEE!

"Cut open that monster like it was nothing," Jason blinked. "Okay never mind. Maybe you **do** know what you're doing?"

Finn had easily cut off the dragon's head but it tried to keep going. "Down! Stay down!" Jake barked as he made a giant fist and punched the giant head.

"Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!" The dragon's head inched away using its neck like a snake uses its body. It disappeared into the woods leaving his body behind.

"Good move Jake," Finn smirked as he whirled his sword around then let it reform back onto his arm. "It'll be a while before his body grows back and he causes any trouble."

"You think that dragon would have learned its lesson the last four times we did this," Jake snorted.

The scientist and the highly trained soldiers stood there in shock. "Holy…" Tim whistled.

"That is something you definitely do not see every day," Briggs blinked.

"You do if you hang around us man," Jake snorted as he changed back to normal size.

"And this day officially just got weirder," Jason was stunned.

"Did we just get our butts saved by a kid with a sword and a talking dog?" Big D blinked.

"Talking magic dog dude," Jake said. "Hey! You guys are humans! Whoa! More humans!"

"Algebraic! Humans! You're humans!" Finn's eyes grew wide. "Who hoo!" He ran up to them. "I'm Human the Finn and he's Dog the Jake! I mean I'm Finn the Human and he's Jake the Dog! Oh man on man oh man! This is awesome! Real humans!"

"**Real** humans?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

Before anyone could say anything else a loud thunder was heard. "Hold on…Uh oh!"

"What's wrong Jake?" Finn asked.

"It's a knife storm! I can smell it! We have to get to cover now!" Jake barked as the sky grew darker. "Come on!"

Jake shifted to a larger form. "Get on Jake's back! Quick!" Finn called out as he did so. "I think we can just make it to that cave!" He pointed to a large cave in the distance on the side of a mountain.

"Kid Big D can walk," Big D said. "Besides it's just a little…"

SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!

"Rain…" Big D gulped as a knife barely missed his foot. "HOLY MOMMA!"

"Get on the dog Big D!" Tim shouted as he did so.

"Right behind you man!" Big D did so as well as the other men. They hung on tight as Jake raced to the cave just as more knives fell.

"Oh crap! Oh crap!" Carter yelled as a knife tore through his sleeve but didn't break his skin. "AAAAHH!"

"This is officially the weirdest day of my life!" Briggs yelled. "And considering what I went through in Vegas that is saying something!"

Jake managed to make it inside the cave just in time. "Okay I think we'll be okay until this passes," Jake said as he shape shifted back to his regular form.

"See if we can find some twigs or something to make a fire with," Finn suggested.

"There's some grass and stuff on the floor," Jake started collecting things to make a small fire.

"You guys all right?" Finn asked the humans.

"Define '_all right'_," Carter moaned as he slid his back against the cave wall and sat on the ground.

"Okay Big D has seen a lot of hairy stuff over the years," Big D grunted as he looked outside. "But uh, that stuff takes the cake. Big D does not scare easily but that is just plain freaky! A storm made of **knives**? What kind of whacked out world has the Earth become?"

"You want the short answer or the long?" Jake asked.

Jason looked at Finn and Jake. "I think we should introduce ourselves. I'm Captain Jason Starr, these are my friends Big D, Sgt. Benjamin Briggs, Sgt. Nick Carter and Dr. Timothy Grey. Who are you?"

"Oh I'm Finn the Human! And I'm a genuine hero!" Finn said proudly. "And this is my buddy Jake."

"Hey," Jake waved.

"A hero huh?" Jason smiled. "Really?"

"Hey the kid killed a dragon and saved our butts from a knife storm," Big D gave Jason a look. "Big D says he's earned that title."

"Good point," Jason admitted.

"Are you guys heroes too? I knew it! I knew there were other humans out there doing good deeds and fighting bad guys!" Finn said excitedly.

"I guess we're heroes," Briggs shrugged. "Never really thought about that before."

"Just doing our jobs," Carter smiled.

"Mathematical," Finn beamed.

"Let me ask you something," Jason asked. "How come that sword was able to cut through that monster's body like it was nothing but our bullets didn't have any effect?"

"Oh that's because it's a cursed grass blade sword," Finn said as the sword unsheathed itself then reverted back to its non-blade state on his arm.

"Cursed grass blade sword?" Jason blinked.

"Yeah it's kind of part of my body now," Finn explained. "I used to have another sword made of demon's blood. It was my dad's sword. Well adopted dad. But it got broken."

"My folks found Finn all alone in the woods when he was just a baby," Jake explained as he set up the twigs and grass to make a fire. "Thought it would be cool for me and my brother to have a pet but before we knew it Finn was one of the family."

"Jake is the best bro a boy can have," Finn bumped fists with Jake.

"Back at you bro," Jake nodded.

"So you were raised by **dogs?**" Tim was surprised.

"Mowgli lives," Carter quipped. "Oh wait he was raised by wolves, not dogs."

"Huh?" Finn blinked.

"It's from a story…" Jason explained. "So you've never seen any other humans?"

"Other than Betty who showed up about a month ago," Jake said. "You guys are like the second humans we've ever seen since we found Finn. Biggest group of humans actually. And to think everybody thought humans were extinct."

"Wait Betty? You found someone named **Betty**?" Tim realized. "Dr. Betty Bennigan?"

"Betty's a doctor? I didn't know that," Finn was surprised.

"Well she does know all that science junk," Jake added. "I guess that's not such a stretch. Oh wait she said she was a doctor before and I forgot."

"How could you not know if this Betty is a doctor or not?" Carter asked slightly annoyed.

"See she was found in the Ice Kingdom and she lost her memory for a while," Finn explained. "She just got most of it back."

"Ice Kingdom? Wait are you talking about that area on top of the continent with all the ice?" Jason indicated.

"That's it," Jake said. "It's ruled by the Ice King."

"Ice King?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah you might want to sit down so we can give you the run-down of the Land of Ooo," Jake told them. "Know what's what around here."

"The Land of **What?**" Big D blinked.

"Ooo," Jake said.

"Who?" Jason blinked.

"Not Who. Ooo," Jake corrected. "The land of Who is on one of the other dimensional levels. In the Crystal Dimension actually. This is Ooo."

"You're gonna have to start over," Jason sighed. "From the beginning."

"I'll give you a quick run down," Finn said. He slapped his hands together and made a small spark that ignited a blaze.

"Okay how did you do that?" Tim blinked.

"I dunno. I just do it," Finn shrugged. "I picked it up somewhere."

"Man this is one freaky-deeky place," Briggs groaned as they sat around the fire.

"Maybe a little but you get used to it," Finn shrugged. He then proceeded to tell the men a little bit about Ooo and the different lands.

An hour later the knife storm had subsided Finn and Jake went with Jason and the others back to their ship. "So you guys are a scout party looking for a new home for the human race?" Finn asked.

"That's it," Jason nodded.

"Mathmatical! You should move to Ooo! Then I won't be the only human anymore! Well technically I wasn't the only human anymore a month ago but…" Finn explained. He then saw something on the ground. "Ooh! This is a real nice knife!" He picked it up and put it in his backpack.

"I guess Ooo doesn't have much of a black market for weapons huh?" Briggs looked at all the knives scattered on the ground everywhere. "Since they fall from the sky and all."

"Actually knife storms are rare. Usually once every five years," Jake explained. "But lately they've been happening once a year. That's pretty unusual."

"Note to self, pay close attention to the Ooo weather report in the future," Jason quipped as they made their way to the X-5.

"You flew here in this thing? Whoaaa…." Finn whistled as he saw it. "That's nice."

"It does look like a pretty sweet ride," Jake admitted.

"It is a sweet ride," Briggs grinned.

"The X-5 doesn't have much damage," Big D looked at the aircraft. "There are barely any knives around here at all."

"Yeah for some reason knife storms don't cross over to the Ice Kingdom," Jake explained. "Must be all those snow storms he makes."

"Snowstorms?" Briggs asked. "Wait did you say this guy **makes** snowstorms?"

"He's a wizard," Jake explained.

"Wizard? As in like magic spells and wands and stuff?" Jason scoffed.

"In the Ice King's case more like a cursed crown," Finn shrugged.

"Wenk…" A penguin waddled out from behind the X-5.

"Hey look Grey. There's one of those penguins you wanted to study," Big D pointed.

"Study?" Finn asked.

"I want to check its vital signs and DNA to see how penguins evolved and adapted to the radiation left over by the war," Grey said. "I'm just going to take it back to the Ark with us."

"Uh I wouldn't do that man," Jake warned. "The Ice King really doesn't like it when you mess with his penguins."

"I'm sure he won't miss one little…Where's our Scouter?" Jason did a double take.

"What's a Scouter?" Finn asked.

"It's an all-terrain hovercraft designed for exploration," Jason looked around.

"Is that it?" Jake pointed in another direction.

"Wenk! Wenk! Wak!" Several penguins where cheerfully quacking as they drove around the stolen Scouter over the snow of the Ice Kingdom.

"WHAT THE…?" Jason's jaw dropped.

"No one's gonna take it huh?" Briggs gave Jason a look.

"Some sophisticated anti-theft system," Carter folded his arms.

"THEY STOLE OUR SCOUTER!" Big D yelled.

"And they're doing donuts with it over the snow," Briggs blinked.

"WENK! WAAAK! WENK!" The penguins cheered as they drove.

"Apparently penguins have developed higher levels of intelligence over the centuries," Tim winced.

"Yeah those little guys are really smart," Jake added. "They can pretty much break into anything if they want to."

"**Now** you tell Big D!" Big D groaned. "Come back here you little thieves!"

"Uh I think we have bigger problems," Carter pointed to the X-5. Several penguins were seen in the cockpit of the X-5.

"Wenk! Wenk!" The little penguin quacked and motioned with his flipper.

"Oh that penguin is some kind of lookout," Jake realized.

"They're jacking our ride!" Briggs snapped. "GET OUT OF THERE!"

"Wak! Wenk! Wak! Wak!" Several penguins ran out of the X-5, carrying an engine.

"THEY STOLE THE ENGINE?" Jason yelled as he started to chase after the penguins. "THAT'S IT! IT'S PENGUIN FRICCASEE TIME!"

"Why would penguins steal an engine?" Tim blinked.

"Penguins do a lot of weird stuff, man," Jake shrugged.

"Come back here you tuxedoed bandits!" Jason shouted as he chased the penguins with the engine. "Bad penguins! Bad penguiiiiinnnns!" He slipped and fell on the icy ground.

"This is definitely **not** one of our better missions," Carter sighed.

"Ugh stupid…" Jason looked and saw a pair of blue clawed feet in his face. He looked up and saw the weirdest blue man he had ever seen in his life. "What the…? Who are **you?**"

"I'm the Ice King. Who are **you?"** The Ice King narrowed his eyes.

"Ice King what's going…?" Betty walked up to them. She then saw the others. "Finn? Jake?"

"Betty?" Tim gasped.

"Betty?" Jason stood up and gasped in shock.

"Whoa…Betty…" Big D had stopped chasing the penguins and looked at her.

"Yes! That's Betty and I'm the Ice King!" The Ice King snapped. "Now what is going on here? And what are you doing to my poor innocent penguins?!"

ZOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Wenk! Wak! Wak!" The penguins laughed as they zoomed by on the scouter.

"Your penguins stole our engine and our scouter!" Jason snapped. He turned to Betty. "Betty…It's me. Jason Starr…"

"Yes, Captain Starr. I remember. We've met before," Betty nodded. "And…Tim! Tim it's good to see you!" She moved forward and hugged Tim. "Sandy? Is she…?"

"She's fine! Betty what **happened** to you?" Tim asked.

"I'm not sure. Everything's kind of fuzzy after Damon kidnapped me and threw me in the stasis chamber against my will," Betty admitted.

"What do you mean by he kidnapped you?" Jason spoke up. "I thought you signed a contract?"

"I didn't read the fine print," Betty admitted. "Apparently he wanted me to be his girlfriend and…It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't!" Tim shouted. "Betty we didn't see you for almost a year! Every time we tried to contact you Damon said you were working on a classified project and couldn't have any contact with anyone."

"Oh well if the project was how long he could stuff someone inside a stasis pod against their will then yeah…" Ice King scoffed.

"Dude, you don't exactly have the moral high ground on this one," Jake gave him a look.

"WAK! WENK! WAK!" The penguins zipped by again in the stolen scouter. This time they had the engine with them.

"THAT'S OUR ENGINE!" Jason yelled. "AND OUR SCOUTER!"

"Gunter! Goodner! Gunther! Goodny! Gunthy! You all know better than that!" Ice King snapped. "Come back here or it's the squirty-squirts for you!" He flew after them.

"Is that dude **flying?**" Big D did a double take. "With his _beard_?"

"Yes he can do that," Betty explained.

"GUNTHER I SAID COME BACK HERE! YOU'RE MAKING A MESS ON MY SNOW WITH THAT THING!" Ice King yelled. "YOU WANT A TIME OUT MISTER?"

"We'll help," Finn shrugged as he and Jake helped the Ice King put a halt to the penguins' antics.

"Okay this place is weird," Briggs groaned.

"No kidding," Betty rolled her eyes. "Something must have went wrong with my stasis pod so…" She indicated herself. "Next thing I knew I was outside."

"Something just isn't right here," Tim frowned. "How did Betty end up with the only damaged stasis pod? In the most secure area of the Ark? More importantly how did she end up falling **outside** of the Ark? It just doesn't make sense."

"There's something else that happened but I can't remember," Betty sighed. "That part is all fuzzy."

"Well the important thing is that you're alive and when we take you back to the Ark…" Jason began.

"Jason wait, I can't go back now," Betty said. "I have to stay here."

"If it's about Finn that's not a problem," Jason said. "We can bring him back with us and…"

"No, it's not that," Betty waved. "It's some other things that came up. I can't go into this now. But I have to see something through. That's all."

"Betty I don't know if that's such a good idea," Tim said. "You have to come back. Everyone thinks you're dead."

"As far as Damon is concerned I'd rather stay dead," Betty groaned.

"If you're worried about what he'll do, we can protect you," Jason said in a concerned voice.

"No, it's not that. I'll explain later," Betty waved. "But I'll be fine here. Really. I'm staying with Finn. Okay the tree house isn't exactly the Ritz Carlton but it is interesting."

"Tree house?" Jason asked.

"More like a tree fort but yes," Betty shrugged. "Hey **where else **would a boy and his talking dog live?"

"This place is like Neverland on acid," Jason remarked.

"I've had that thought more than once," Betty smirked.

CRASH!

"Oops," The Ice King gulped as he indicated a broken crashed scouter covered in ice. "Sorry about that."

"OUR SCOUTER!" Jason yelled.

"Good news! My penguins are okay!" Ice King beamed as he petted his penguins. "Gunter! Don't you know better not to get into strange vehicles? You could have been hurt and smashed into bits like that engine over there."

"OUR ENGINE!" Jason yelled.

"Crap we're stuck here," Carter groaned. "Now what do we do?"

"Why don't we go talk to Princess Bubblegum?" Finn suggested. "She's not just the leader of the Candy Kingdom. She knows all about fixing things."

"Candy Kingdom? Wait you mean more talking food?" Briggs did a double take.

"They're people now dude," Jake corrected. "But they were made from candy so yeah technically…"

"A kingdom made out of candy. This I have to see," Carter shook his head.

"We'll show you the way. She's a friend of mine too," Betty said. "Ice King I'll see you tomorrow. We can go ice skating again. Okay?"

"Okay Betty," The Ice King nodded. "And tell your friends not to leave stuff lying around! My poor little penguins could have been hurt!"

"YOUR PENGUINS…?" Jason fumed.

"You're not gonna win this one man," Jake shook his head. "Come on, the Candy Kingdom isn't far."

"And I can tell you all about some of the things that happened to me," Betty said as they left.

"Oh goody, more walking," Briggs groaned.

"Stuff it Briggs!" Jason snapped as they left.

"Well Gunther, looks like more humans are moving into Ooo," Ice King remarked as he watched them leave. He then frowned. "There goes the neighborhood."

**Quick note: This story was obviously written way before the episode Betty and I only guessed at her last name. So just pretend this is an alternate universe where...Oh wait. Never mind...**

**Next: The humans find out more about Ooo. And not all of them are happy about the changes. **


	20. Things Get More Complicated

**Things Get More Complicated **

"That is basically our report," Jason reported to the Ark from the cockpit of the X-5. Big D was sitting next to him.

"And where **exactly **are the other members of your team again?" General Barton asked slowly. He was sitting in front of the screen with Damon.

"They're in the Candy Kingdom Sir," Jason said simply.

"The Candy Kingdom," General Barton said simply.

"Yes, Sir," Jason sighed.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Damon waved. "You've encountered a land with living talking sentient food, dragons, knives falling from the sky and a boy with a talking magic dog and a sword made of grass…That can kill a dragon even though your sophisticated and powerful weapons **couldn't**."

"Uh yes…" Jason winced.

"And this grass sword is **alive** and part of this boy's body?" Damon was stunned.

"Yes," Jason added. What else could he say?

"And technically the dragon wasn't killed but ran away after being beheaded," Damon added.

"Exactly," Jason let out a breath.

"HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN DRINKING?" General Barton yelled.

"General I wish I was but it is **real,**" Jason groaned. "You just have to see for yourselves."

"It's like an acid trip come to life," Big D told them.

"Any human inhabitants?" General Barton asked.

"We found two humans," Jason spoke up. "The first one is a fifteen year old boy named Finn, believed to be last human on Earth until recently."

"The boy with the talking dog and the sword?" Damon raised an eyebrow. "Who had to rescue you and your other **highly trained** soldiers?"

"Yes, that is the gist of what happened," Jason gritted his teeth.

"He has no knowledge of other humans?" General Barton asked.

"He was found as an infant in the woods and raised by dogs," Jason explained. "Talking shape shifting dogs. The other human was discovered more recently. Remember our first casualty Dr. Bennigan? Turns out she was just missing."

"She's **alive?**" Damon raised an eyebrow. "How?"

"Apparently somehow she fell out of her chamber into the Ice Kingdom," Jason explained. "And she fell onto a snow bank where she developed amnesia for a time. She has most of her memory back except for how she ended up there."

"The Ice Kingdom?" General Barton asked.

"Populated mostly by penguins and this one character who calls himself the Ice King," Jason explained. "There's a lot of kingdoms around here."

"Well when you come back bring Dr. Bennigan and…" General Barton began.

"She doesn't want to come back," Jason told him. "I think she formed an attachment to Finn and his friends."

"That's not such a bad thing," Damon said. "She doesn't look damaged or any sign of radiation poisoning does she?"

"No," Jason hesitated. "She seems fine."

"Then we don't need her for now," Damon said. "In fact this might not be such a bad break for us. Think about it, this accident may have given us an opportunity. We already have someone on the ground who has established friendly relations with the inhabitants of…What did you say they called the continent?"

"Ooo. That's three o's in a row," Jason explained.

"Ooo?" General Barton frowned. "What is left of the United States of America has been renamed **Ooo**?"

"Yeah uh we can talk more when you come pick us up," Jason sighed.

"Pick **you** up?" Damon sneered. "What did you do to the X-5?"

"Nothing. It just kind of got a little…wrecked," Jason winced. "No need to go into details. We got a tow to the Candy Kingdom where we are now."

"I know about Big D's service record. I can imagine," General Barton began.

"It wasn't Big D's fault! It was those stupid **penguins!**" Big D protested.

"Penguins?" Damon blinked. "You did say **penguins** right?"

"I'd like to speak to the General in private about some classified military details we discovered," Jason spoke calmly.

"Is it about the **penguins**?" Damon asked sarcastically.

"This is something I should discuss with the general," Jason tried to block the issue.

"What do penguins **fly** now?" Damon sneered.

"No, but they're very good at stealing stuff," Big D groaned.

"Big D go try and…fix something will you?" Jason snapped.

"Damon I think you'd better leave now," General Barton said in a serious tone.

"Oh yes. I can later read in your report on how you let cute flightless birds destroy a billion dollar experimental jet," Damon smirked as he left.

"Well Starr?" General Barton raised an eyebrow after Damon left.

"General I think I should report on what I believe the **real reason** Dr. Bennigan didn't want to come back," Jason said. "A year before the war ended Damon kidnapped Dr. Bennigan and threw her into a suspension chamber against her will."

"I see," General Barton frowned.

"She signed a contract but I don't think she realized that by doing so she was going to be Damon's girlfriend if you get my drift," Jason sighed. "And when she resisted Damon made sure she didn't go anywhere."

"You were right to bring this to my attention Starr," General Barton nodded. "That Damon does have a tendency to get what he wants and not care how he goes about it. Fortunately I think he's moved on but…"

"I just want to be sure Dr. Bennigan will be safe when she returns to the Ark," Jason spoke. "She's staying with Finn and I believe she's also formed an attachment to the boy."

"Understood. Perhaps it is for the best Dr. Bennigan stay in Ooo? For now," General Barton nodded. "Let's keep this information under our hat, Starr. Anything else?"

"Like about the penguins?" Jason winced.

"I think **that** can wait until later," General Barton growled. "I'm going to personally come down there and check out this…Ooo for myself before moving the Ark."

"You know Damon is going to want to come for the ride," Jason frowned.

"That can't be helped. But I will take into consideration the fact that Dr. Bennigan might be better off staying where she is until further developments," General Barton frowned.

"I'll send the coordinates for the Candy Kingdom. You have to see this place to believe it," Jason groaned. "Heck I'm seeing it and I'm not sure I believe it!"

"You are talking about an actual candy kingdom right?" General Barton asked. "Like with gingerbread walls and…"

"And like a kid's board game yes," Jason sighed. "I know. It sounds insane but…I'm seeing it with my own two eyes. The inhabitants are living candy people. Dr. Grey thinks somehow human DNA got mixed up from half eaten food when the whole planet got irradiated by the bombs."

"You mean like that theory a lot of those biologists were debating about before…?" General Barton remembered something.

"Hendrickson's Theory of Abnormality Adaptation," Jason informed him. "Well it turns out Hendrickson was right. There's proof of this theory everywhere you look around here! A few minutes ago I saw a blueberry wearing a police uniform and a talking donut skipping around singing how handsome his face is. It's…disturbing to say the least."

"I think I'm going to come down for myself and see exactly what is going on down there," General Barton grunted. "I know you Starr. I know you're not a man given to flights of fancy. So I am going to give you some benefit of doubt. Expect me within two hours. Barton out."

General Barton shut off the communicator. He pressed a button. "Colonel Booker would you come in here for a moment?"

Colonel Booker arrived right away. "Yes sir?"

"Apparently Starr and his team have founds signs of humanoid life on E-1," General Barton explained. "But that's not the big news."

"Finding life on a planet thought to be devoid of human beings isn't big news, Sir?" Colonel Booker was confused.

"It is. But this is big too. You know how I've often said every man has some weakness?" General Barton smirked. "I think I just found Damon's."

"Which one?" Colonel Booker made a wry smile.

"Good point. However this one crossed a very definite line," General Barton told his second in command. "Remember Dr. Bennigan? Our first casualty? She's alive. However it turns out she boarded the Ark prematurely thanks to Damon."

"What do you mean?"

"It turns out Damon didn't recruit her for her scientific skills," General Barton punched up her file. A picture of Betty in her youth came up. "He became enamored of her and when she resisted he shoved her into a stasis pod."

"I see," Colonel Booker frowned. "Does she have any idea how she fell out of…?"

"No, apparently the woman had amnesia until recently. She's been staying with this wild boy named Finn that has been living on the continent Starr went to investigate," General Barton explained. "Starr said until recently it was believed this Finn was the only human left."

"Interesting," Colonel Booker nodded. "Are we going to bring both Dr. Bennigan and the boy in for examination?"

"No, not yet," General Barton waved his hand. "Let's see how this plays out for now. For now I need you to prep a spare transport vehicle. You and I and a small unit are going to pay a visit to a place called Ooo."

"Ooo?" Colonel Booker blinked.

"Ooo. It has three O's," General Barton groaned.

"Ooo? Ooh boy…" Colonel Booker winced.

"Exactly," General Barton sighed.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"All right. So Starr wasn't exaggerating when he said that this place was a candy kingdom," Colonel Booker remarked as their large helicopter landed outside of the Candy Kingdom's gates.

The humans emerged from the vehicle and entered the kingdom through the gates. General Barton and Colonel Booker had arrived with a small troop of nine soldiers. "Are those people…_gumdrops?"_ One soldier gasped as they noticed several candy people of various shapes and sizes frolicking around the castle.

"I think those are mints," Another soldier blinked. "And those over there look like…Ice cream cones. With hats and faces on them."

"Cheese and freaking crackers," General Barton blinked. "What the devil **happened** to this planet?"

"Everything is so…pink," Colonel Booker blinked. "And candy scented."

"Great. Just when I decide to go on a diet," The first soldier said sarcastically. "Oh look there's some pastry skipping rope."

"It appears that Hendrickson's Theory was correct," Colonel Booker was stunned as he saw candy people walking about.

"I don't think even Hendrickson himself could have foreseen **this**," General Barton remarked.

"General," Jason walked up with his team. He saluted with the other soldiers.

"At ease," General Barton saluted back. "Okay are those bananas with spears or…?"

"That's the Banana Guard Sir," Jason explained.

"The **Banana Guard**?" General Barton raised an eyebrow.

"The Candy Kingdom's military Sir," Jason explained.

"Let me see if I get this straight. They have _bananas _for soldiers here?" Colonel Booker blinked.

"Talking bananas, Colonel," Jason sighed. "And talking giant blueberries for their police force."

"I see. You could have warned me how everything here is revoltingly cute," General Barton grimaced.

"I didn't think you would have believed me Sir," Jason sighed. "I see Damon isn't here."

"Didn't want to come," Colonel Booker smirked. "Said he had some important research to do at the last minute."

"Gee I wonder _why_?" Big D said sarcastically.

It was then the trumpets sounded from several members of the Banana Guard as Princess Bubblegum arrived riding a white cart pulled by a pink gummy horse. She was wearing a froofy pink dress. "I'm guessing that's…" Colonel Booker blinked.

"Princess Bubblegum, Sir. Ruler of the Candy Kingdom," Jason explained.

"I think I saw her in a cartoon when I was a kid once," Another soldier blinked.

"Welcome Humans to the Candy Kingdom," Bubblegum spoke as she stepped down from her cart. "I am Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum, ruler of the Candy Kingdom."

"Greetings Princess," General Barton spoke. "I am General Barton and this is my second in command Colonel Booker. It is a pleasure to meet you."

"This is indeed a joyous day in the land of Ooo," Bubblegum smiled. "For so long it was believed that humans were a practically extinct species. For a long time Finn the Human was thought to be the only one of his kind. Then we discovered Betty. And now the emergence of more humans is an amazing miracle."

"More like scientific progress and careful planning," General Barton explained.

To this Bubblegum seemed pleased. "I would be interested in learning how your stasis pods work. I too am a scientist."

"You'd have to talk to Damon about that," General Barton said.

"Of course. This is Finn the Human and I believe some of you know Betty," Bubblegum pointed to Finn and Betty who walked up to them.

"You're Dr. Bennigan I presume," Colonel Booker nodded.

"Correct. It's nice to meet you," Betty said. "And even nicer to find out that I'm not one of the last humans on Ooo."

"That goes double for me!" Finn said. "I'm Finn."

"Nice to meet you Finn," General Barton shook Finn's hand. He noticed the green wrap around Finn's arm but said nothing.

"Jake's off with Lady Rainicorn helping set up the party," Finn explained.

"We've set up a small party in the castle to celebrate your arrival," Bubblegum explained.

"Thank you very much Princess. It is our pleasure to attend," General Barton said courteously.

"Finn why don't you go show some of the soldiers around while I have a talk with the General?" Betty said diplomatically.

"Ok! Cool!" Finn nodded. "Come on guys!" The soldiers nervously followed Finn and Bubblegum to explore the Candy Kingdom. "Just remember not to eat anyone with a face and you'll be fine!"

"So Dr. Bennigan, how long exactly have you been in Ooo?" Colonel Booker asked.

"Only a month. I believe something went wrong with my stasis chamber and I aged slightly…" Betty indicated her greying hair.

"Slightly?" General Barton raised an eyebrow.

"Considering I am over a thousand years old now I'm sure I could look a lot worse," Betty made a wry smirk. "Besides there are more important things than my appearance right now."

"Of course," General Barton nodded, his estimation going up about the doctor. A woman putting aside her vanity for the greater good indicated a strength of character in his opinion. "Tell me about this wild boy you found. Finn. Is it true he was believed to be the last human in existence?"

"Yes. He's considered the local hero around here," Betty smiled. "He's allowed me to live in his tree house with his adopted brother. Who happens to be a shape shifting talking dog. And yes I am aware how much it sounds like a cartoon but it's true."

"Shape shifting talking dog," Colonel Booker said simply.

"A lot of animals talk now. Obviously a side effect of the radiation. However many inhabitants believe in magic so…" Betty began.

"Is the boy a mutant or…?" Colonel Booker asked.

"He has some slight mutations but then again considering all the radiation and what happened to everything else on this planet," Betty let out a breath. "He's relatively undamaged."

"I see your point," General Barton nodded as he saw a candy cane girl skipping by.

"The Candy People are quite interesting. Very peaceful and show great amount of human intelligence," Betty explained.

At this a pink cupcake with legs and arms skipped by. He was singing and laughing and didn't notice where he was going. He skipped right into a wall and fell down. The pink cupcake got up and tried to skip again but once again he skipped right into a wall. "Oh right! There's a wall there! Silly me!" The Cupcake laughed as he went around. And then skipped right into another wall nearby.

"Well most of them do," Betty blinked. "I've also discovered a wide variety of other life forms."

"There are **other** things than talking animals and candy people?" General Barton asked.

"Oh yes. Let's just say the month I've lived here has been interesting," Betty remarked.

"Hello? Hell-oooo? Hey Betty! Betty!" Ice King flew by using his beard.

"What the devil is **that?**" General Barton asked. It took all his self-control not to recoil in disgust.

"That's…The Ice King," Betty said diplomatically. "He's… a good friend of mine."

"Ice King?" General Barton blinked.

"From the Ice Kingdom," Jason wrinkled his nose in disgust as the Ice King landed. "He's the one with the penguins."

"That explains the smell," Colonel Booker winced.

"Hey Betty! What's going on? Who are these guys?" The Ice King walked up to them.

"Ice King, this is General Barton and Colonel Booker," Betty said. "This is the Ice King. He saved my life."

"Neither of you are the guys who shoved Betty out the door are you?" The Ice King growled.

"Uh no," General Barton was a bit taken aback. Then again it could have been the smell of fish.

"Or maybe you'd like to lock Betty up again in a stasis pod huh?" The Ice King went on.

"No, that's Damon," Jason told him.

"Ice King! It's okay. These people are friends," Betty reassured him.

"Uh huh…" The Ice King's eyes narrowed. "Well I just wanted to see how you were doing Betty and what all the commotion was about."

"Ice King! What are you doing here?" Finn groaned as he walked up with Jake.

"Me? What are **they** doing here? What is anyone doing here for that matter?" The Ice King shrugged. "It's a mystery of the universe!"

"You're not invited to the party Ice King!" Jake spoke up.

"I'm never invited to parties but that don't stop me from crashing them," The Ice King shrugged. "If I didn't invite myself I wouldn't go anywhere!"

The Ice King looked at General Barton again. "You look familiar…" He narrowed his eyes. "I've seen you before."

"I highly doubt it," General Barton said respectfully.

"I don't," The Ice King growled. "I'm over a thousand years old pal. I may not remember a lot of my past but when I do know something…Yes…Yes I've seen you before. I **know** I have! I know…You look like one of those _geniuses_ that thought redecorating the planet in nuclear bombs was a good idea!"

"That wasn't exactly my decision," General Barton said.

"Then **whose** was it?" The Ice King growled. "I'd like to have a word with the guy!"

"Yo Ice King chill!" Finn said. "You're making a scene!"

"Good! I **want** to make a scene! I want to know how **exactly** they knew they had to build a spaceship instead of finding a way to **stop** the war!" The Ice King snapped.

"We were trying to stop the war! The Ark program was a last resort…" Jason began.

"I fear Ice King you do not understand the complexities that was the final world war," General Barton told him.

"I understand more than you can **imagine**. You think the Candy Kingdom is weird pal? This is nothing!" The Ice King pointed a thumb at the kingdom. "Compared to the mutants that ran around for decades after the bombs went off these guys are like candy! Actually they are candy. Which is a very apt description."

Bubblegum had come out to see what was going on. "Oh no…"

"Of all the things in my mind that I have forgotten I wish I **could** forget the war!" The Ice King went on. "The destruction! The devastation! The smell of rotting bodies all over the place. The fire! I **lived **through that pal!"

"How is that even possible?" Jason asked.

"Magic," The Ice King smirked. Then he frowned. "Although I admit there were times I wish I had died."

"Ice King please…" Betty touched his arm.

"No one wanted the war to end the way it did," General Barton explained.

"But no one did anything to **stop it**," The Ice King hissed. "Instead it was easier for you to irradiate the planet and then take a little nap for a thousand years! While the rest of us suffered and died! Do you have any idea what happened after the war? How much horror and suffering occurred because you just had to win at all costs?"

"Ice King! I'm sure our guests had nothing to do with the end result of the war," Bubblegum strode up to him. "Please leave."

"Fine! I'll go! I'll go!" The Ice King grumbled, being uncharacteristically cooperative. He turned to Betty. "I'll…see you later Betty." He flew away grumbling under his breath.

"And that's the Ice King," Jason stated.

"He's not so bad," Betty shook her head. "Not really. He's just not used to you yet."

"He has…problems," Bubblegum sighed. "But he's mostly harmless. Usually."

"What was that nonsense about magic?" General Barton asked.

"I'm afraid a lot of people fall for that superstition," Bubblegum sighed. "My own subjects included. All it really is are scientific principles twisted and misrepresented for the sake of showmanship."

"Magic is totally real Princess," Finn said. "Betty you believe in magic? Right?"

"I believe there are forces here that we don't fully understand yet," Betty said diplomatically.

"Why don't we go inside and join the party?" Bubblegum asked.

"We'll be right there. We just have to contact our ship," General Barton told her. "Let them know we're fine."

"Of course," Bubblegum nodded. "Finn, Jake. Let's go back to the party."

"I'll help with anything that needs helping," Betty said as they went off.

General Barton let out a breath. "You were right Starr. I **wouldn't** have believed it if I hadn't seen it."

"I can only imagine what Dr. Bennigan has been through this past month," Jason nodded. "That reminds me Sir, how are we going to resolve the situation with Damon?"

"Right now Dr. Bennigan should stay with Finn," General Barton said. "I'm sure she's been doing research of her own all this time. Best to let her continue."

"Shouldn't we bring her back to the Ark to have her checked out?" Colonel Booker asked.

"In time. Which reminds me we should be talking to Damon now," General Barton took out his communicator. "Barton to Ark. Barton to Ark. Come in Ark. Damon come in."

Instead Christine appeared on screen. "Damon is rather busy at the moment," She said cheerfully. "I'll take your message General."

"Can you believe the gall of the…" General Barton fumed. "I'm not some salesman making a pitch! I'm the General and when I want to talk to someone I will!"

"You can, when he's **finished**," Christine smirked.

"Listen you glorified secretary," General Barton growled. "Get Damon on the phone right now!"

"I told you he's **busy**," Christine shrugged. "Something about recalibrating systems or coordinates or whatever. Just give me the message."

"Fine," General Barton let out an annoyed breath. "We've established contact with the natives and are about to negotiate terms for possible settlement. Be prepared to deploy the Ark within a few hours."

"All right. I was getting tired of watching the waves anyway," Christine said casually. "Anything else?"

"I also want to question him about Dr. Bennigan about how she could have fallen out of the Ark," General Barton said.

"Not to mention how she got on it," Jason grumbled under his breath.

"I'm sure he has better things to do than to worry about some old woman who got careless," Christine snapped. "You'll see him later. Those were his exact orders. Goodbye."

"Hold on a…She hung up on me!" General Barton snarled. "That insolent little witch hung up on me! Who does she think she is?"

"She thinks she's the girlfriend of the guy who runs the Ark," Colonel Booker rolled his eyes. "Technically she's only half right."

"Hold on," Jason frowned. "How did she know Betty aged?"

"What?" General Barton was distracted.

"She said old woman. Betty wasn't old when she was taken," Jason spoke.

"That's right," Colonel Booker frowned. "Dr. Bennigan's computer profile doesn't match her appearance now."

"I believe Captain Starr you might have a lead on how Dr. Bennigan fell out of the Ark," General Barton remarked. "However that has to be put on the back burner. We have some negotiations to make with the Candy People."

"You have to admit this is a good turn of events. Even though it is a little strange," Jason said as they went towards the castle.

"Still we should do some reconnaissance of our own and get more information about the inhabitants of Ooo," Colonel Booker spoke up.

"You're right. Starting with that blue man Dr. Bennigan knows. I have a feeling that this Ice King is going to cause a lot of trouble for us if we're not careful," General Barton said.

Little did he know how true those words were.


	21. Play Nice Everyone

**Play Nice Everyone**

Damon could not believe what he was hearing.

"There can't be a problem!" He snapped at the ridiculous looking boy in the white bear hat and his talking dog. "We moved the Ark perfectly to Ooo and placed it several miles west of the Candy Kingdom in the middle of nowhere! How can there be a problem?"

"What's going on?" General Barton walked out of the Ark and saw Damon yelling at Finn and Jake. "Is there a problem?"

"NO!" Damon snapped.

"Uh yeah there's a problem," Finn scratched his head. "You kind of have to move your spaceship."

"What?" General Barton looked at him. "Why?"

"You're a little too close to the Hot Dog Kingdom over there," Finn pointed to a small fence with a dog house nearby. It was only a few feet away from the ark. Hog Dog Princess and her knights looked at the ship in terror.

"We need to move because we're too close to a **doghouse**?" Damon asked bitterly.

"The Hot Dog Kingdom," Finn corrected. "You could kind of squash them."

"You don't have to move that far," Jake said. "Just at least thirty feet or so to the left. That way everybody's happy."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Damon snarled. "You expect us to move a billion dollar technological marvel of engineering thirty feet to the left because we're too close to a kingdom that is basically a doghouse and a small ten foot wooden fence holding six living **hot dogs in it?"**

"Yes please," Finn nodded.

"Now look here kid…" Damon let out an annoyed breath.

"We'll move," General Barton said simply.

"WHAT?" Damon exploded. "Are you crazy?"

"We don't want to upset any neighbors and from what I can see we have more of a tactical advantage if we move the ark _forty feet_ to the left," General Barton said calmly.

"Thanks General!" Finn grinned. He gave a thumbs up to the Hog Dog Kingdom. "See Hot Dog Princess! No problem!"

"Thank you Finn!" Hot Dog Princess waved.

"I do not **believe** this…" Damon groaned.

Thirty minutes and a shift in the Ark's location later…

"Why did you concede so quickly?" Damon barked as he followed General Barton down the hallway of the Ark. "That made us look weak! Why should we care what a bunch of **hot dogs** wants?"

"I told you. It's a **tactical advantage**," General Barton gave him a look as they went to one of the briefing rooms with some desks, computers and a window. "Something I think you of all people would understand."

"How long are we going to put up with this?" Damon gave him a look. "And by this I mean all these unnatural freaks?"

"As long as it takes," General Barton gave him a look. "Rome was not built in a day Damon. And neither will be our new home. Be patient."

"I knew there would be some mutations but I had no idea it would be **this bad**!" Damon snarled. "Just looking at them…I feel like their so called civilization is nothing more than a parody of our own world. It disgusts me! All the human race has accomplished and done over centuries is now being used by talking food? Which we have to **pretend** are people? It's insane!"

"Honestly I'm not exactly thrilled about the situation either," General Barton glared at Damon. "Our world is gone and has been replaced by some parody a children's cartoon on acid! But like it or not these…Candy People are here. We don't know the extent of other mutations in this world. While most of them seem harmless Starr and his team found proof that there are some threats out there. And until we know **exactly** what this land holds for us we will smile, be polite and play nice! Understand?"

"It's not like I didn't expect to deal with mutations. Just not like this! Not so…inhuman!" Damon bristled.

"I'm sure you've had experience in negotiating with people you don't like before," General Barton told him. "You had to smile and be friendly while all the time you were plotting to put a knife in the competition's back. Just pretend it's one of **those** situations. Like what you did to Moe Giovanni."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You're not that good an actor," General Barton gave him a look. "Of course I know all about it. Who do you think squashed the investigation? If it wasn't for me backing you and covering your butt, the committee would have discovered all about the insider trading and double dealing you did to put that man out of business."

"Not that it would have lasted much longer anyway considering it was close to the end of the war," Damon remarked.

"I backed you and let it slide the fact that you stole some basic designs from your top competitor for one simple reason," General Barton said. "I thought were a better bet in the long run. Now looking back on it in hindsight I'm not so sure. True, Giovanni may have been a pacifist fool but at least he didn't have an ego the size of Montana!"

"Don't pretend you did me any favors when we all know this was about your self-preservation," Damon snarled. "We both know that if it wasn't for **me** and **my genius** you and your men wouldn't even be alive to complain! I may have skimmed over a few simple blueprints from a lesser businessman but all those improvements and extra features were my **own design**."

"Yeah you're like the Romans ripping off the Greeks when it came to their architecture," General Barton rolled his eyes.

"The Roman Empire lasted a lot longer than the Greeks…"

"But they fell anyway. Because they got too full of themselves and bit off more than they could chew!" General Barton snapped.

"Technically you could say the same of the United States and all the other nations of the world," Damon shrugged.

"Watch it Damon. It may not exist in the way it used to but when it comes to America I hold that memory sacred in my heart," General Barton growled. "And I will help restore our people one way or another."

"Temper. Temper. We both have the same goal in that respect," Damon held up his hands.

"Then I suggest we put our egos in check and work together," General Barton growled.

There was a knock at the door. "You wanted to see us Sir?" Colonel Booker coughed. Jason, Big D, Carter and Briggs were with him.

"Yes, I wanted your reports," General Barton waved. "Dr. Grey has already provided me with a basic overview of some of the different life forms in Ooo. Of course he can't provide a more detailed description without some samples."

"We sent out a team to collect some samples and scout out the territory," Damon folded his arms. "You should have brought back some samples as well."

"It was a bit difficult as we were running for our lives and chasing after the penguins who wrecked our jet," Jason gave him a look.

"Penguins? I can't believe your highly trained team lost to _penguins,_" Damon scoffed.

"Obviously these penguins evolved," Jason said.

"Enough with the penguins for now," General Barton sighed. "What did you find out about this Ice King?"

"Basically the Ice King is famous for being the biggest weirdo in all of Ooo," Jason said.

Just then they heard a noise. They looked out the window. There was a horse rolling around on a beach ball laughing and crying out, "Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames Baaaaaaaaaaaxteerr!"

Right behind him were some strange plant people dancing and singing as they followed him. Also behind them was a candy cane man. He had flowers on his head and danced around. He danced right into a large rock and fell down laughing.

Then the rock turned around and it revealed that it had a face. It started to laugh too.

"And as you can imagine there's some serious competition for **that title**," Jason blinked. "Apparently he has a reputation for kidnapping princesses in order to try and make them become his wife. Fortunately he's not that bright so Finn and Jake take care of him easily. Or the princesses escape themselves."

"I've seen some of these princesses," Briggs groaned. "Honestly I'm amazed **anyone **would be interested in them. There's one princess that looks like a blob with five heads!"

"And apparently their security systems aren't that good," Carter said. "I mean the Candy Kingdom is supposed to be the most fortified and I can tell you one thing their army is a joke."

"So you're saying the Ice King and the Candy Kingdom are the biggest threats?" Damon blinked.

"I think threat is too strong a word," Jason said. "A better one would be…uh…?"

"Competition?" Colonel Booker suggested.

SPLAT!

"HA! HA! HA!" A flower man and the rock were laughing because a flower man had tripped over the rock.

"No, not that…" Jason sighed.

"Minor annoyance might be a better choice of words," Damon winced.

"Uh I wouldn't go that far," Jason scratched his head.

"Well, that's good news for us," General Barton smirked. "I mean as far as mutations go there are worse things than a crazy old blue man and a bunch of candy people."

"Yeah but what about that dragon thing we fought?" Big D asked. "Our weapons couldn't even make a dent in that."

"So we'll develop new ones," Damon gave him a look. "We can study the weapons they use in the Candy Kingdom and improve them. You said Finn has this sword that can destroy creatures our weapons can't?"

"It seems that way," Jason nodded. "I'm sure if we ask him he might let us study it."

Damon was about to say something when General Barton spoke up. "Yes, we can ask him **later**. Right now keep your eyes open. Starr you and your team are dismissed. For now get to know Finn better and keep an eye on Dr. Bennigan. That is all."

Jason and his team left, leaving Colonel Booker behind with the two leaders of the Ark. "You can leave too Damon. We need your help in stabilizing the Ark's systems as well as preparing the labs for…" General Barton began.

"I know what needs to be done," Damon interrupted. "Don't order me around like one of your little soldiers!"

"I am in charge of the military and security of the Ark," General Barton growled. "That was made very clear at the beginning of this mission!"

"Well I'm also in charge of the **rest** of the ship so don't even **think **of trying to cut me out," Damon hissed.

"Damon you may be a genius of engineering but we need real leadership right now," General Barton told him. "There has to be a clear chain of command."

"I agree," Damon glared at him. "**I **am the one who made the Ark**. I** am the one who saved all of your lives. **I** am the one who can fix everything if some mechanical failure happens! And **I **have the support of my entire team! Don't you forget it!"

"As if you would let me," General Barton growled as Damon left the room.

"He's still at it?" Colonel Booker asked the general.

"What do you think?" General Barton groaned.

"I would have thought given the situation the man would have **grown up,"** Colonel Booker remarked.

"I've been told genius has its eccentricities but quite frankly they are getting tiresome. By the way Colonel Booker has there been any progress with that little **assignment** I sent our computer experts on?" General Barton asked calmly.

"Actually yes," Colonel Booker nodded. "I'm glad to inform you that they've completed seventy five percent of…"

General Barton made a motion for him to stop and casually pointed at the security cameras. Colonel Booker got the hint. "Anyway we should finish ahead of schedule," Colonel Booker finished.

"Excellent," General Barton smirked.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Outside the ark Finn and Jake were watching the soldiers set up and unload their equipment. "Man these guys brought a lot of stuff," Jake remarked as he watched.

"I know! This is like the most amazing day ever!" Finn's eyes were wide with excitement.

Not everyone thought the same way.

"Oh you have got to be **kidding** me?" The Ice King growled when he saw what was going on from where he was flying in the sky. He flew down to where Jake and Finn were watching the action. "How could Bubblegum allow this? And she thinks **my brain** **cells** are frozen!"

"Oh man look at all the cool stuff!" Finn was practically jumping up and down with excitement. "Jets! Tanks! Look at those vehicles over there! They have lasers and everything! Lasers!"

"Yeah…great," The Ice King grumbled, extremely annoyed. "Just what Ooo needs. More weapons of mass destruction."

"Is that a rocket? Cool!" Jake pointed. "Maybe it will blow something up?"

"Okay that's it! We're out of here!" Ice King grabbed Finn's arm and started to fly away with him.

"Ice King! What the math man?" Finn was annoyed.

"You're coming with me! I need a witness!" Ice King snapped.

"To how crazy you are?" Jake asked as he followed. "Don't need one for that man!"

"Where are we going?" Finn asked.

"To talk some sense into Bubblegum!" Ice King snapped.

Bubblegum was doing an experiment with some strange colored liquid in beakers. Peppermint Butler was with her in a lab coat. "This next part of the experiment is very delicate, Pepps," She explained as she watched through the goggles she was wearing. "No distractions."

"BUBBLEGUM! BUBBLEGUM! WE NEED TO TALK!" The Ice King's voice nearly forced her to jump. It was enough to make a mild chain reaction to have the chemicals slightly explode in her face, leaving a purple residue all over her.

"And of course that's when the Ice King decides to drop in," She grumbled looking at herself.

"Geeze man will you slow down!" Jake was heard shouting. Ice King flew in the window holding Finn and Jake stretched inside. "For an old guy you can really burn rubber when you have to!"

"Princess! We need to talk! Now!" Ice King let go of Finn.

"Ice King what are you up to now?" Bubblegum sighed as she took off her goggles. "I'm in the middle of a very important experiment and I don't have time for your crazy."

"Hey Princess you think I'm a problem?" Ice King gave her a look. "I'm nothing compared to these guys! These human military types have only one thing on their minds! And it ain't disco!"

"What are you talking about Ice King?" Bubblegum asked in an annoyed tone.

"We got trouble Princess!" Ice King waved his arms. "Trouble with a capital T! That rhymes with E which rhymes with C that rhymes with D and D how you start with Doom! Doom!"

"He doesn't like that the humans are moving in," Finn explained in an angry tone.

"You're darn right I don't! And with good reason! Sometimes the crown tells me things," Ice King said seriously. "Warns me. It warned me about the Mushroom War. And now it's screaming about these humans! They're going to bring war and death here! Send most of them away! You can keep Finn and Betty. But everyone else has got to go!"

"Ice King they're not going anywhere," Finn said. "I think it's great that humans are finally back in Ooo."

"No, not these humans! Not **them!**" Ice King shook his head. "They'll bring the fire back! I know it! These humans have a sickness. A sickness of war and greed and it will infect the whole land! I can smell it on them! And that General is the worst of the lot!"

"General Barton? He seems to be an intelligent reasonable man," Bubblegum raised an eyebrow. "Which is more than I can say for you!"

"Don't be fooled Bubblegum," Ice King warned. "That man craves power. They all do. And they won't be happy until they've taken all they can! They only consider **humans **people and even then they don't put that much stock in their fellow man."

Ice King looked at Finn. "Tell 'em! Tell 'em what you saw!"

"They were setting up their Ark thingy," Finn shrugged.

"Yeah with tanks and guns and weapons and…" Ice King snapped.

"Ice King the Candy Kingdom has tanks and guns and weapons…" Bubblegum interrupted. "To protect itself from threats. And **you.**"

"Yeah but they're all made of candy! These aren't!" Ice King waved his arms.

"It's perfectly understandable that the humans have some kind of defense system," Bubblegum gave him a look.

"Their idea of defense is a good **offense!**" Ice King replied.

"Ice King…Please leave," Bubblegum sighed in exasperation. "I don't have time to deal with your nonsense today!"

"Fine! Don't listen to the crazy old man who hears voices in his head and sees things other people don't see!" Ice King threw up his hands and started to leave the room. "Just don't come crying to me when this bites you in the bedonk-odonks!"

He stopped and looked at Peppermint Butler. "You remember the dark times," Ice King said in a tone so serious it frightened everyone in the room. "You were there too. I **know** you were. So you know I'm **not** being crazy. Watch the Princess' back. Especially when that…general is around!"

He flew out of the window in a huff. "Geeze what got his frosty dander up today?" Bubblegum grumbled. "He didn't even make a lame pass at me."

"You know the Ice King. Always gets mad about something stupid," Jake waved.

"Hey Pepps, what was all that the Ice King said about you being around the same time as the Mushroom War?" Finn asked the little mint butler.

"Uh I don't know…" Peppermint Butler said innocently.

"That's just the Ice King being crazy. Peppermint Butler was created by my Great Uncle Gumbald," Bubblegum waved.

"I thought you created all the Candy People," Jake asked.

"Technically I'm only responsible for ninety five percent," Bubblegum explained. "There were a small handful of Candy People created by my uncle before I created more Candy People and moved them from our old homeland to where the Candy Kingdom is now."

"Where was your old homeland?" Finn asked.

"Let's just say it doesn't exist anymore," Bubblegum sighed. "It kind of blew up. It wasn't my fault. One of my other relatives did that. It's a long story that I really don't want to get into now."

"Yes, that's where I came from," Peppermint Butler nodded enthusiastically. "If you'll excuse me Princess, there are some things I should attend to." He left the room.

"That was close," Peppermint Butler let out a breath when he was sure he was alone. "Good thing nobody actually believes the Ice King when he says things."

Peppermint Butler frowned. "However he does have the habit of being acutely perceptive in odd times. And I fear for once that frozen fool is correct. I don't like the looks of these humans. They are too much like the humans of ancient times. It doesn't sit well in my stomach."

He let out a sigh. "The Princess won't do anything. She's too easygoing and blind to the dangers and it's no good to warn her. She thinks she knows everything. Which means I may have to take matters into my own hands…"


	22. Wizard City Blues

**Wizard City Blues**

"Wizards Rule."

The wall to Wizard City disappeared as Peppermint Butler spoke the words. He entered Wizard City going about his business.

And was immediately accosted by four wizard police officers with Cyclops like headgear. "HALT!"

"Oh for crying out loud…" Peppermint Butler grumbled.

"You are charged with violating Wizard City rule!" A police officer spoke. "Wizards only are allowed in Wizard…"

"I **am** a wizard you idiots!" Peppermint Butler snapped. "Just because I don't put wizard in my name doesn't make me less of a magic user! Look here's my official identification!"

He took out a small card and showed it to the police. "It's legit," One of the police officers nodded.

"I can sense magic from him as well," Another police officer agreed. "Okay you can go in."

"Finally!" Peppermint Butler grumbled as he went past the checkpoint. "Every single time I come here I get hassled!"

"Look man we're just doing our job…" The first police officer fidgeted.

"Job? More like harassment! I know racial profiling when I see it!" Peppermint Butler snapped. "Just because I'm a Candy Person I can't believe in or practice magic can I?"

"Well uh…" The wizard cops looked very nervous. A small crowd of wizards had stopped to watch.

"You do know that over fifty percent of Candy People believe in magic and at least twenty percent of us do practice it? Right?" Peppermint Butler snapped.

"It's not you man, it's that princess you work for," One of the police officers protested.

"Yeah if you believe in magic so much how come you work for a **scientist princess**?" Another protested.

"That is **my** business!" Peppermint Butler snapped. "And I am here to give the Wizard Council news that could affect everyone in Ooo including wizards! Now if you excuse me I have a meeting to go to!" He stormed off.

"Every single freaking time…" Peppermint Butler grumbled as he went to the hall where the Wizard Council met. "I swear one of these days I'm going to show those idiots how much of a wizard I really am!"

He made his way to the Wizard Council door. "Peppermint Butler. I have an appointment to speak to the Wizard Council," He spoke.

An eye opened on the huge green and gold door and scanned him. "Oh yeah your name's on the list," The door spoke. "Enter." It opened a hole and Peppermint Butler walked in.

There was a huge hall with several tiers. Many wizards were sitting in the balconies watching the debates going on. Actually some were just goofing off and talking to their friends while the members of the Wizard Council sat at the semi-circular table.

"And that is why the cat should be the official animal of the Wizard Kingdom!" The Grand Wizard spoke regally. The white haired giant Wizard stroked a grey cat in his huge hairy lap.

"It's always cats with you!" A green wizard with black glasses and a black robe groaned. "We've been over this before! We don't **need** an official animal of the Wizards!"

"Yes we do! I say the cat should be the official animal!" The Grand Wizard huffed.

"Forget it! I say it should be spiders!" A female purple wizard with eight arms waved her hands.

"Why is it always spiders with you, Spider Wizard?" The Grand Wizard asked.

"Hello? That's my thing!" Spider Wizard snapped. "Spiders spin webs of intrigue and knowledge!"

"Since when?" The Grand Wizard asked. "Cats are better anyway. Cats see in the dark and see what no mortal sees."

"Cats make a mess and stink up the place," Spider Wizard snapped. "Besides they're stereotypical! The last thing we need is another protest from the Witches' Union."

"No, it should be the owl! The owl symbolizes wisdom!" Another wizard with huge yes blue hair, orange skin and a purple robe spoke up.

"As long as it's not a cat or a penguin I don't care what we…" A red robed wizard with pink skin and a long white beard stopped. "Hello? Who's this?"

"Peppermint Butler, sir…" A small marshmallow wearing a blue starred wizard robe and a blue starred wizard hat appeared. "He has an appointment to address the Wizard Council."

"Oh uh yes well we'll shelve this very important discussion for another time," The Grand Wizard waved. "State your case…uh…Whoever you are."

"Grand Wizard, members of the Wizard Council I have come to you with urgent news," Peppermint Butler stood before them in front of a podium.

"It's not about that fine you paid to bribe…I mean," A male wizard with orange skin and a brown robe and a long white beard spoke up. "The contribution to the Wizard Fund you made in exchange for us dropping the escape charges against Princess Bubblegum and her friends from Wizard Jail a while back is it?"

"We sent the receipt in the mail," The Grand Wizard spoke. "Uh did we?"

"Yes, you did. This isn't about **that**," Peppermint Butler groaned. "Humans have returned."

"What here? In the city?" The Grand Wizard blinked.

"No, in Ooo," Peppermint Butler corrected.

"Ooo in general or Ooo as inside Wizard City?" The Grand Wizard asked again.

"Ooo in general," Peppermint Butler said patiently.

"Are they close to Wizard City?" The Grand Wizard asked.

"No, they're on the other side of the Candy Kingdom," Peppermint Butler explained.

"Oh well then what do we care?" A fat green female wizard shrugged.

"You need to **listen** to me!" Peppermint Butler slammed his fist on the podium. "Humans from the time of the Mushroom War are back and they could bring real problems to everyone! Wizards included!"

"So? They're just humans," A brown and white wizard with a blue beard waved. "Most of them from the old days didn't even know how to use magic. They're no threat to us."

"Aren't they supposed to be extinct? Oh wait that Finn boy is a human," The Grand Wizard thought. "Eh still…"

"If there is one thing I have learned over the centuries about humans is that they are very resilient and have a habit of causing trouble," Peppermint Butler glared. "I'm not just any Candy Person. I wasn't created by Bubblegum or her ancestors. I've been around longer than most of the people in this room and when I say we should take precautions around these humans I'm not saying it on a whim!"

"Hold on you said these humans were from the time of the Mushroom War?" The Grand Wizard spoke up. "How did they survive?"

"They used some scientific technology to freeze them like leftovers and have just thawed out," Peppermint Butler explained.

"Speaking of leftovers I do not want **that **tonight for dinner!" The blue bearded wizard spoke up.

"Wizard Rocco we don't **have** any leftovers!" Another wizard with a pink beard and a blue robe snapped. "We never do. The Grand Wizard's cats eat them up."

"Another good thing about cats," The Grand Wizard said. "You're welcome!"

"Oh let's not start **that** again," Spider Wizard groaned. "Personally I am in the mood for a good steak."

"No way. Too fattening," Wizard Rocco spoke up. "But I could go for Italian."

"And that's not fattening?" The blue bearded wizard spoke up.

"Not if you eat right," Wizard Rocco said.

"Why don't we compromise and get a pizza with steak toppings?" Another wizard spoke up.

"Steak on pizza? Ewwww…" The green female wizard grumbled.

"We can't have pizza anyway. It's not good for my cats," The Grand Wizard frowned. "How about fish?"

"You always want fish!" Spider Wizard snapped. "And I'm sick of the smell!"

"I'm sick of **your **smell!" Wizard Rocco snapped. "You always put too much garlic on your steak!"

"Garlic is healthy for you!" Spider Wizard snapped.

"Personally I could go for Thai food," Another wizard spoke from the back.

"Not after the last time!" The Grand Wizard groaned. "I was in the bathroom for…"

"What is **wrong** with all of you?" Peppermint Butler shouted. "We have a serious threat on our hands and you lot want to do is order takeout!"

"Look Peppermint Butler is it?" Wizard Rocco spoke up. "You said these humans use technology right? Well we're wizards. We only care about magic threats. And let's face it as far as humans go they are neither magical nor a threat!"

"It seems the Wizard Council has forgotten its history," Peppermint Butler snapped. "May I remind you there was a time **before** the Mushroom War? When Wizardkind was driven out into other dimensions? By humans? Have you forgotten about **that?**"

"That was when our ancestors weren't united and foolish," The Grand Wizard waved. "We've grown in power since then. We can handle humans and their technology with very little problem."

"Don't be so sure," Peppermint Butler said. "I know most of you weren't alive during that time but you know what happened during the Mushroom War and the mess they made of the planet! What if they try that again?"

"Oh stop worrying. Humans are no threat to us. What do you know?" Spider Wizard waved.

"I know these humans brought guns and bombs and other weapons of destruction back," Peppermint Butler snapped. "They could upset the balance of the land! Is that what you want?"

"I tell you what I want," Another Wizard spoke. "Tacos!" This caused another debate among the wizards.

"Italian!"

"Chinese!"

"Seafood!"

"What about sandwiches?"

"AGGGGH!" Peppermint Butler shouted in frustration. "So basically what you are telling me is that you couldn't care less about the damage and destruction these humans can cause?"

"We're wizards! As long as we have our city and secret hiding places it doesn't matter what happens," Spider Wizard waved one of her eight hands. "And I highly doubt it will come to that again."

"Wizard City doesn't allow mortals in for that very reason," The Blue Bearded Wizard spoke up. "Within these walls we are safe. And we have been safe for centuries. Why worry now? There's nothing any mortal can do to harm us. Their weapons are powerless against our magic!"

"Yeah last I heard all the nuclear bombs that ever were blew up ages ago," Wizard Rocco waved.

"That we know of!" Peppermint Butler snapped.

"Look Peppermint Butler, I can understand your feelings. I mean you are only a Candy Person. Of course you'd be worried about what will happen," The Grand Wizard waved. "But quite frankly humans are no threat to us now. And even if they did manage to create havoc across the land of Ooo, it would probably be nothing we couldn't fix if they were foolish to fight against our magic."

"Besides, your Princess Bubblegum is obsessed with science like they are," Wizard Rocco snorted. "Let her fight science with science I say. Keep us out of it."

"In other words coming here was a complete waste of time!" Peppermint Butler fumed. "I should have known! Fine! If no one else is willing to do anything about this problem, I will! Just so you know, I WARNED ALL OF YOU!"

Peppermint Butler stormed out as the Wizard Council went back to arguing about takeout. "Stupid Wizard Council!" Peppermint Butler fumed as he left the building. "What was I thinking? I should have known those lazy self-serving fools…"

He bumped into someone. "Watch it! I'm just in the mood for a fight you…" Peppermint Butler began making little fists.

"Hey, hey dude don't get so uptight," Ash the Wizard waved. "I was hearing what you had to say back there and I'm on your side."

"Really?" Peppermint Butler blinked.

"Yeah you're right. These humans with their bombs and their guns are bad news," Ash waved. "I mean the Grand Wizard has to be a total donk not to realize that. I mean what is he **thinking?**"

"Finally someone with some **sense** around here," Peppermint Butler groaned. "You and the Ice King are the only ones who…"

"The Ice King? _**Him**_?" Ash blinked.

"He doesn't trust the humans either but he likes Finn and this other human woman," Peppermint Butler waved. "That's a long story. But as for those other humans I sense trouble coming and no one is willing to listen to reason! I may have to take matters into my own hands."

"Well maybe I might be able to help you with that," Ash smiled. "I'm Ash. And I know a few friends of mine that might be more than happy to help you with your human problem."

"I don't want to just wipe them out right now," Peppermint Butler said as they walked down the street. "I mean some of them like Finn and Betty have their uses."

"Who's Betty?"

"Human woman the Ice King is interested in, long story," Peppermint Butler waved. "Basically she's keeping the Ice King out of the Princess' hair. So…"

"I know about the Ice King. I see your point," Ash nodded. "You want to keep the ones that are useful but be prepared for the worst."

"The problem is that I don't know enough about their technology," Peppermint Butler frowned. "I need to see exactly how much power these humans have and know what kind of threat they cause. Then I can use the appropriate force."

"Smart. Do a little recon huh? Okay maybe I can help you there but you have to help me with something," Ash agreed.

"And what would that be?"

"If I and my associates help you with some basic recon, you introduce me to someone who can further help us protect Ooo from humans," Ash said. "I hear you're tight with Hunson Abadeer."

"The Lord of the Nightosphere? Wait, didn't you date his daughter once?"

"Long time ago, anyway we never met and I have some business to discuss with him," Ash waved. "Besides he might be interested in your little project."

"Knowing Hunson he'd probably suck all the souls of the humans out."

"And your point is?"

"True…" Peppermint Butler thought. "All right Ash you have a deal. I'll make the arrangements after we do a little research on these…humans."

"Good. Meet me tomorrow night at the Broken Donut Bar in the Candy Kingdom," Ash waved. "We can talk better there without wizard eyes watching us."

"Not that they would care anyway," Peppermint Butler grumbled.

"You'd be surprised how many wizards around here aren't happy with how the council does things," Ash grinned. "I admit they're okay at keeping all the mortals out but other than that they're terrible when it comes to protecting us. In fact now that I think about it, they can't even do that right! All they care about are tournaments and what to have for dinner."

"Don't get me **started** about tournaments," Peppermint Butler frowned. "Magic is a serious business and is not meant to be used for frivolous things like contests and winning prizes!"

"Preaching to the choir brother," Ash agreed. "Yeah a lot of us take magic seriously and hate how other so called wizards use their powers for screwing around instead of getting things done."

"I fear all these years of peace have made the Wizard Council soft and complacent," Peppermint Butler shook his head. "Lords of Time and Space help us all if they ever were faced with a real threat! Probably end up offering tacos or something."

"Ha! Yeah those losers probably couldn't put up much of a fight against **a real threat**," Ash thought aloud.

"So it means we're probably going to have to handle the humans on our own," Peppermint Butler frowned.

"Agreed. So the Broken Donut around ten pm?"

"Better make it 11. I don't want the Princess getting suspicious," Peppermint Butler nodded.

"Good. See I belong to a fraternity of wizards who are into keeping magic sacred. Not using it for stupid tricks to amuse mortals," Ash told him. "I think my people will be very interested in this development."

"Good. I'll meet you there," Peppermint Butler nodded. "Things are changing in Ooo fast. I have a feeling none of us will be safe if we don't do something."

"Well then we'd better do something about it," Ash nodded grimly. "See you at the Broken Donut."

"See you there," Peppermint Butler said and left.

"Oh yes things are going to change around Ooo," Ash grinned as Peppermint Butler left. "Very soon."

He went off down into an alleyway to a dead end. "Rsibo…" Ash made a sign with his hands and uttered an incantation. A doorway appeared. He went in it. There were some familiar wizards sitting around a table in a library.

"Forest Wizard, Bufo, Prism Wizard, Laser Wizard…" Ash waved to his friends.

"Hail brother of the Order," Forest Wizard waved.

"Hey guys," Ash smirked to his friends as he sat down at the table. "Remember what we were talking about the other day?"

"You mean how to grab power for ourselves, disband the Wizard Council and take over all of Ooo?" Prism Wizard asked.

"Uh huh," Ash smirked. "I think I just found an opportunity to do so."


End file.
